We've come to the realisation today (after speaking with my parents who are generously paying for the venue and all things that come with it) that we really need to cut down our guest list.
Our venue has a standard package for 60 day and evening guests and anyone extra is obviously at an extra cost.
We originally had a total of 114 people.. with 72 day (12 extra cost) and 42 evening (all extra cost) which has now added a total of £2094 to the standard price for the 60 guests which we really can't afford. Problem is we've already sent out most of the save the dates - apart from a few people from my work which I was never really sure about. So I've cut them off the guest list and a few other plus 1s but we're now stuck!!
Is there any polite way of saying sorry but we're not inviting you after all because we can't afford it.
I'm really stuck now on what to do!!!!!!!!! HELP please!
x
CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
Just tell them the truth and say you cannot afford to have them at your wedding and that your really sorry and would love to have them with you on you eoial day but your budget wont cover them so your having to cut people unfortunatley maybe have a pre wedding party and invite the guests who you having to axe because of the costs so they wont feel axed out and you dont want them to come hope this helps sorry about your situation must be so hard to whittle down the guest list <3 X
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CommentAuthorlizzylou
Could you move some people to the evening only? Would that be cheaper and still mean they could come and get round the fact you've sent save the date but then you just send an evening invite?
Lizzy. x
CommentAuthorVelcro
oooh I dont envy you this one. Have you sent save the dates to the evening guests as well?
The only thing I can think to suggest, is keep your 72 day timers, and just tell the evening guests, you're really sorry but you can no longer afford to accomodate them or something, you're now after a more intimate affair with family and close friends only. I think it would be easier to cut those guys out than even think about looking at anyone on your daytime list.
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CommentAuthorShazk
You can only be truthful hun like Mrs D says maybe just have a little get together witht he people who cant be there xx
We have a slightly different scenario to you. We sent a Save the date to H2Bs stepmother (who he has never got on with) at the request of his grandmother, because she felt it was the right thing to do. (His dad died 8 years ago, and there has been barely any contact since). His grandmother then passed away last year. We were both blanked by his step-mother at the funeral, and even worse, his 8 year old daughter was ignored by her at the interment (she did not come to the funeral as we felt she was too young, but we allowed her to attend the interment so she could say her goodbyes to her great-grandma). So as far as I'm concerned shes uninvited herself, so we did not and will not send her an invitation.
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CommentAuthorLauraJo87
I'd just let them know that due to circumstances beyond your control, you are now having a smaller more intimate wedding...and hopefully invite them to the evening?
I would say to do it sooner rather than later as a lot of people book holidays etc in January and may have booked time off work/made arrangements already to come to your wedding.
Ooh this is a tough one - I would suggest maybe a handwritten letter as its more personal, you don't need to go into masses of details just say your plans have changed and that you are now unable to accommodate them
Or blame the venue lol xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
i really wouldnt worry ... i have had a couple of save the dates but then didnt get invites
Personally, I'd be quite upset if I received a save the date but then not an invitation. I'd be paranoid that I've upset you somehow and you now don't want me. So I definitely think you should explain to them, not go into loads of details but just let them know that you are now having a smaller wedding. Or could you invite them to the evening instead of day as wouldn't that be cheaper? X
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CommentAuthorLittle Kettle
We had to do this to a few of our guests for exactly that reason. Also, that by the time the wedding came round we realised that we weren't actually that close to those people after all! I gently explained to them that due to increases in various costs, we were no longer able to have them at either the blessing (the London part as we got married abroad) and party. Everyone was most reasonable and completely understanding (fortunately). Having gone through the wedding planning cycle myself, I think that I would be a bit more understanding if this happened to me now!
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CommentAuthor*KelBel*
I think that a save the date is a good idea, but until someone receives an invite,they don't know they're definitely invited anyway so I wouldn't mention it and just invite the reduced number you've got planned x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
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CommentAuthorLauraJo87
I think it's a bit risky not mentioning it to people - half the point of save the dates is to allow guests to book time off work, sort babysitters, make travel arrangements/accommodation plans etc....particularly if you have guests from further afield.
I would assume if I received a save the date I was definately getting invited, and in the past have booked hotels etc on the strength of them as often where stds have been sent the invites don't go out until much closer to the wedding. I must admit, I would be very cross if I had done this and then just didn't get an invite with no explanation...of course I'd understand that plans change, but to not even be told you no longer need to save the date is a bit off.
I think you will find most guests will be understanding Hun, just bite the bullet
Xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorAmyK
I'm with Laura on this one.. Blame the venue... Say for fire safety regulations the total number of people in the room must also take into account staff... Our venue reminded us to count ourselves, registrars and and musicians into the total number (which some people apparently forget to do). Perhaps that way you can save face and then blame the in laws for insisting that cousin X can't be cut from the list, so it has to be a friend.
CommentAuthorSazzell23
I think you should move 12 day people to the evening hun and stick to your package for 60 guests. Then have a look at your evening guest list and see who you can take off and who is a MUST to be there. Dont forget, a lot of people can rsvp yes to an evening invite and then nearer the time some will drop out. So make sure you only invite people you're close with to the evening do. Also, can you reduce your evening catering costs by going for a cheaper option? For example, our venue was charging £12.95pp upwards for the evening buffet but we could have bacon and sausage barms for £9.50 instead so we went for that option and saved a few hundred quid there - meaning we could invite more people to the evening xx
CommentAuthorPammy
Thanks for all the replies and help ladies :)
I think we're going to send the invites out in batches. Find out how many family members are coming first and go from there.
We're already on the cheapest option for our evening do as it is so unfortunately we can't reduce it that way.
Now that we're looking at our guest list again it has become clear that we're not actually as close to some of them as we first thought and perhaps were inviting them because we'd be invited to their weddings etc...
We've looked at narrowed it down and taken a few off the day list but we can't get that bit down any further as they're mainly "clumps" of family members.. (perhaps some won't end up coming anyway because of distance or they won't bring their kids)
I told H2B and he likes the idea of blaming the venue and the fire safety regulations!! Might have to slip that in there if anyone does get a bit funny.
What about this though... H2B has 2 half brothers.. one is remarried, has 3 kids from previous marriage and his new wife has 2 kids from her previous marriage (which I've never met). Should they be invited?? (Sorry if that sounds really rude and mean, I know it comes across that way in text - I don't mean for it to though!!)
x
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
I think if u wanna reduce numbers,just say no kids,and just have ones if u have any in the bridal party and ur own if u have any... I think inviting h2bs wife's kids that u haven't met is getting a little far fetched... I mean I know u probs wouldn't wanna invite nieces/nephews and leave those kids out but would her kids be at their dads anyway when u get married,is it on a weekend? It's just that kids meals can add up, I'm only having my own at my wedding,and that rule will still apply even if h2b's sisters get pregnant and have a child before the wedding x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorPammy
My Mum made the point about her kids and when she explained it all it made perfect sense.. H2B didn't sound convinced though like "you can't invite part of the family and not the rest."
Unfortunately our venue doesn't offer a reduced rate or anything for kids meals so for 2 kids I've never met £230 is rather a lot!! We do get married on a Saturday so perhaps they will be with their Dad. It's finding the right way to word the invite to them that is going to be difficult without it coming over as plain rude.
x
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
£230!!!! I'd say no definitely lol x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorElle23
Pammy, our invite lady is adding a line to our invites that politely says Due to restrictions, the invite is for the named persons only
To be wed on our 10 year anniversary! 23.08.2013
CommentAuthorPammy
Elle, that's a nice way to put it. I've written that down so I'll remember it for when we come to print our invites.
Thanks so much everyone, I feel slightly less stressed now! :)
x
CommentAuthorkrazykitty
i like that idea hun about the invite being for named people only although i would never have presumed bringing anyone if they werent on invite i suppose some people would take it as a family invite?? xx
hope you get it sorted though xx
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