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  1.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
      edited
     
    Just need to get this off my chest.

    I've come home to parents for a few days as OH couldn't get time off and heard on the grapevine that a family member is complaining about children not being invited to the wedding. I have since found out from my grandad that this is my cousin and her 4 yr old daughter. I'm just a bit p!ssed off with it.
    We have decided against having children at our wedding because:
    1) it is out wedding day and we did not want children there (I know this is not everyones choice and some think children make a wedding). I spill enough down myself as it is, I didnt need anyone elses sticky fingers messing my dress.
    2) all of the potential children to invite are cousins children and we felt that was a step too far in terms of extended family. If we invited them all that would be 10 kids which means 10 of our friends couldn't come because we are limited on numbers.
    3) of the 10 kids to invite I have only met 4 and OH has only met 3. The cousin that is complaining I have only met her daughter once over 2 yrs ago (this was also the last time I saw cousin) and OH hasn't met either of them. On the basis of some other brides decisions about only inviting people you both know or have seen in the last year, she is lucky to be getting an invite.
    But number 4 is the one that really gets me. As many of you know, we have been super early getting invites out. Our invites went out at the end of August for our wedding next April because we need food orders. Therefore she has 7+ months to organise childcare. In fact when we sent our save the dates out with Christmas cards last year, we wrote notes on the back saying we are sorry but we could not accomodate children. So that is 16months before our wedding. Yes of course her parents aka kids grandparents and her brother (uncle) are invited so can't help with childcare but she still has a good relationship with the dad and his mum. On FB she was looking after someone elses child the other weekend so how about asking to return the favour. I know this is going to be very controversial and people think I'm being mean but its not like our wedding is in 2 weeks and if we make an exception then what do I say to everyone else who's kids we said couldnt come?
    My parents completely support our decision so its not like anything will change in terms of what we do. I just needed to have a moan because its really got to me. And if she does come I know she will complain about the one exception we are making (and I know I just about making no exceptions) but that is our friends who were making the cake but had to pull out because she has found she is pregnant and is due a month before the wedding. That is different because that is a baby in arms that will still be breastfeeding so we dont need to provide a meal or a seat or activities for that child.
    I think I just wish she had come to me first rather than hearing it on the grapevine. Arrgh rant over. X
  2.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 29 months ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
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    Kirsty leave it how it is. If she feels that put out then she wont come at all and then its her loss. I wouldn't change it.
    Personally I am one who likes children at weddings but I understand and respect that its not always feasible. if she was really close family then you might want to make an exception but as she isn't then I wouldn't worry about it.

    With weddings you are bound to always upset someone for one reason or another so try not to worry about it.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  3.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    We didn't invite children to our wedding. We simply didn't want them there, and didn't feel like we needed to explain ourselves to people (it never became an issue). It really irks me reading people getting annoyed, especially when receiving an invitation in a privilege, not an entitlement. You have been thoughtful in giving people plenty of notice to make arrangements etc, so there's no excuses on their part.

    Stick to your guns, IT'S YOUR DAY, and most of all, brush it off and move on as your wedding planning needs to be a happy time xx
  4.  
    • Ang3lica
      CommentAuthorAng3lica
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
     
    Don't stress out. They have plenty of time to get used to the idea that kids are not invited.
    I've been to 'kids friendly' and 'kid-free' weddings and liked both.
    Myself and my man haven't discussed it yet ourselves. Generally I love children but some of them terrify me! My own niece is such a little monster in public ;) Every time she visits us (or other relatives) she makes me think 'kids-free wedding!!!'. She basically has absolutely no manners, licks other people's food, puts chocolates in her mouth and than puts it back (not on her own plate). And she's five!!! I know four and even three years old kids who can behave, including her brother! Of course apart from that she's lovely and loved.
    Yeap, that's a bit of rant from me, sorry :)
    So if you decide you don't want any additional problems from small people - you have right to not invite them. If they never bother you - invite. It's nobody else's business ;)
  5.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 22 months ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
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      edited
     
    I kinda agree with the no kids- like you a lot of my cousins have 2 or 3 kids each and in total there are 20 kids and that's before friends kids- some of these are young and to be honest a don't think i want that many kids at my wedding- so I say stick to your guns and if they are true family and friends they will respect your decision and not kick up a fuss- as you say, you have given plenty of advanced notice xx

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  6.  
    • RachaelB76
      CommentAuthorRachaelB76
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
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    dont worry about it and stick to your decision. we are having no kids other than bridal party its quite common these days. if she wants to moan and not come then just think you have an extra seat for someone else. x




  7.  
    • DanielleS0709
      CommentAuthorDanielleS0709
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
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    The only kids we are having is our little boy and our nieces and nephews. Def no cousins kinds there's no need for that!!

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    21st May 2016 xxx


  8.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 31 months ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I HATE when other people moan about Wedding decisions when they are just a guest and should feel privileged to get an invitation at all! I recently went to a destination Wedding in Italt where our two year old wasn't invited, but did we kick off? No. We though, what a lovely excuse to have a nice holiday as a couple, and could enjoy the wedding without running around like loonies after her! (It was even more of a god send when we got there and realised how dangerous the evening venue was for children- it was on a cliff edge with low railings!)
    We were originally planning a kids-free wedding too, but then moved it to France and now can't really say no children, so have completely changed our plans. But I think kids free weddings are great! Don't let some random cousin, who is practically a stranger to you guys, make you feel like crap just because she feels entitled to bring her child when nobody else has kicked off?! If she says anything to you, tell her how rude she is being. Xx
  9.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 22 months ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2015
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    I think if you start inviting 2nd cousins it's just ott- I've never met half of them so why invite them and pay for them to be noted!

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  10.  
    • Emmilou82
      CommentAuthorEmmilou82
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2015
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    We do have a lot of children coming to our wedding but mainly OHs side..... 21 to be exact!! I didn't want any bar our children but it hasn't worked out that way.
    Stick to your ways Hun and don't let her dictate to you.
    If I received an invite with my son on it too, I wouldn't take him...... He gets bored and tired and it's a chance for me and OH to have some time out.... She needs to get a grip x

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    Marrying 'The One' on 30th July 2016
    I am now Mrs Emma Stokoe xx

  11.  
    • LadyC
      CommentAuthorLadyC
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2015
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    I am one of those people who think children make a wedding. Having said that, I am also one of those people who think your wedding day should be done your way. As you said, your cousin has had plenty of time to organise childcare, you're not close to her and you don't really know here child. If she decides not to accept your invite because her child can't come then it is her loss, not yours. Try not to let it stress you out sweet.

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    xx Lady Charlotte Chamberlain to be! xx
    xx Marrying my soul mate on 22nd July 2016 xx

  12.  
    • Louiseyweesey
      CommentAuthorLouiseyweesey
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2015
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    Stick to your guns! It's your day so should be all about what you want. If your cousin isn't happy, she doesn't have to come! xxxx
  13.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2015
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    Ignore the selfish ones who think they have a right to dictate what the bride and groom have at their wedding.

    We had a no children rule with the exception of close family which meant only our niece who was our FG, other niece who was a baby, another toddler who is son of incredibly close family friend so the father is like my cousin, we grew up together, and another baby who was only a few months old. Everyone respected our decision and that's the way it should be.

    So many people seem to think they have a right to say who they think should be guests at someone else's wedding, it makes me so mad.

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  14.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 4th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks for all your support ladies. It just really bugged me and particularly when the complaint has come via my grandad which just isn't fair on him. The decision won't change and she can like it or lump it because at the end of the day it's our wedding to celebrate our marriage, not just a family gathering. I'll keep you updated when her rsvp comes back.... x
  15.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 22 months ago
      Posted: Oct 4th 2015
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    Good for you Kirsty- everyone seems to want to put their pennies worth in when it comes to weddings, I don't get it, it's not their day, they should respect that it's yours and you do want you want :-) xx

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  16.  
    • LadyC
      CommentAuthorLadyC
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 4th 2015
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    Good on you!

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    xx Lady Charlotte Chamberlain to be! xx
    xx Marrying my soul mate on 22nd July 2016 xx

  17.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 6th 2015
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    Good on you Kirsty. x
  18.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 6th 2015
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    I had a similar problem. Me and oh had agreed no under 16s at the wedding for the day do (church and weddjng breakfast) then before I know it *%bam%* oh is going crazy saying well Thomas will have to come because he's my cousin they live a good 3 hour drive away and the last time I met them he was a total nightmare at a christening talking through the ceremony and then jumping under tables and crawling round the floor for the meal. My idea of hell!

    I said the evening was fine just not the day but he refused to compromise and now I have to invite all the kids my side too. I'm really angry! I'm putting most of the money into this wedding and the ceremony and wedding breakfast I wanted to be really formal and relaxed and all I'll be able to think on the lead up is that the children will spoil it and if they do there'll be a whole new meaning to brideZilla!!

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  19.  
    • JoanneH4
      CommentAuthorJoanneH4
      Got married 31 months ago
      Posted: Oct 7th 2015
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    Good on you. Me and my H2B are have children at our wedding so you are not the only one to have children at your wedding. To be honest , children makes a good wedding because when you see children have a good time at weddings then you enjoy weddings more well that's what I think anyways
  20.  
    • NatalieS200
      CommentAuthorNatalieS200
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 7th 2015
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    We went to my friends wedding this year and they had a no kid rule till the evening reception, I was fine with it and to be honest although I missed my 2 kids it was nice to have a bit of grown up time and enjoy a meal without feeding my LO and running round after them! Then they came on the evening and had a great time running round with the rest of the kids. I find they get a bit bored on the day so its nice for them to come on the evening and just have fun.

    For our wedding we're only having close family kids so there will be my 2, my 2 nieces and 2 nephews, then the other children are coming on the night, most people know now and have been fine but theres a few left to tell so we'll see how they are with it! My cousins have lots of children and OHs do so it'd just get to expensive to pay for all of them on the day xx
  21.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Oct 7th 2015
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    People are so rude sometimes and need to understand that by having children there takes numbers away, the children we had were family and my very close friends children. I mentioned to a couple of friends about not having their kids and they were more than happy not having them there. One couple said it made it so they could totally relax and enjoy themselves. Another couple had a baby who was about 4 1/2 months old, they asked if we would mind if they brought him, but were happy to leave the older two with someone else. I said of course as he wasn't taking up numbers, but they all understood that I said no due to numbers.

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    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  22.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    My OH didn't want any children except our LO at ours however we have ended up having 12 children as my step mums children have recently had babies so felt we couldn't expect them to be left behind and then we felt we couldn't have one rule for one and one for another, so low and behold we are having 12. We are worried that they might misbehave and spoil the vows (like they did at my step brothers wedding) so we are thinking of having our minister say at the beginning if children become restless or upset during could they step outside with them. Do you think that is unreasonable?

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    The Richardson's 31/12/16


  23.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    Not at all Leanne .. That's what's concerning me about my oh forcing is having his hyperactive cousins there .. I just don't feel he'll be able to sit still and be quiet even for a 30 minute ceremony and of he spoils it I'll kick him out myself!

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    Met 23rd September 2009
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  24.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    Are his parents decent people that would take him outside without it being said? At my step brothers wedding these children were allowed to climb over the chair, be snakes across the floor and make ALOT of noise. Their parents said nada, I ended up telling them to be quiet. They are a bit older now though so fingers crossed. My LO was at a wedding in Aug and he cried as soon as the speeches started so I took him outside, I would expect the same. x

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    The Richardson's 31/12/16


  25.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    I'm not sure, I went to a christening he was at and he was climbing around the floor under tables etcetc so I'm not convinced they would. However the look they will get if he plays up will say it all that his welcome is out stayed and oh has been warned that if he spoils it I'll be livid

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    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  26.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    I don't blame you, I would be too! x

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    The Richardson's 31/12/16


  27.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    If it was just a civil ceremony fair enough but it's a proper church wedding because we wanted it to be intimate and special minus inappropriate behaviour

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    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  28.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 22 months ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    I would hate for there to be loads of misbehaving kids- I get some kids get restless and upset and if that's the case, as a parent if you have any manners you take them out and calm them down- I can't stand when parents are like it's our only day out so we'll just let them run riot and not bother, even if it ruins the ceremony-

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  29.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    We are having a religious service aswell, our minister said it wouldn't be the first time he's had to ask parents to take their child out. I would be mortified. My LO is very well behaved but even he an't sit through long things without making noise, we haven't taken him to two out of the last 3 weddings we've been to, we only took him to that one because he was page boy and it was in Cyprus. He was hot and annoyed by the speeches so I just took him outside. x

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    The Richardson's 31/12/16


  30.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    At least you were very polite and responsible about it .. Most people just let the kids get on with it now which is the upsetting part

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    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  31.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    OH actually wants to put a note on our wedding website about taking them outside lol, I'm not sure if that is a bit much x

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    The Richardson's 31/12/16


  32.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    I was thinking that but then because there's only limited family children coming thought they might take offense

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    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  33.  
     
    There will be some kids at our wedding, not really my choice but H2B has quite a few nephews/nieces so not much choice there. I would expect parents to take their kids outside though if they start getting noisy and fidgety, especially during the church service. I want to be able to enjoy our wedding day and not have to deal with other people's kids having a hissy fit.

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    Met: 2nd September 2012
    Engaged: 3rd January 2015
    Wedding day: 2nd September 2017
  34.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    If anyone's children misbehave at the church for my wedding that oh forced me to allow he's going to see a whole new meaning of brideZilla .. Well behaved children yes. But I know what his cousin is like!

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    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  35.  
     
    Good for you Becci93 - I like your style!

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    Met: 2nd September 2012
    Engaged: 3rd January 2015
    Wedding day: 2nd September 2017
  36.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    He made a scene about them going; I posed my very fair justification why I didn't want children .. He promised they'll be good and was warned so he can't say it's uncalled for if any children do cause a problem on the day .. Hopefully all this stress is for nothing and I'll laugh about it in the future but until that church ceremony is over I'll be doubtful!

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    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  37.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 13th 2015
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    tbh becci, i wouldnt have invited any other children, if other people moaned about that one kid that was the exception, well its none of their concern as to the reasons why you invited him (and no one will think to ask until they notice him on the day, i imagine, unless you bring it up, which i wouldnt as its no one elses business)

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  38.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 13th 2015
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    It's me that doesnt want any kids Velcro .. Me and oh had mutually agreed then about a week later he turned round and said what about my cousin and it's that kid that's hyper and I saw at a chastening scrambling under tables etc.

    And because we're inviting him now as oh took a MASSIVE hissy fit I'll have to invite my younger cousins otherwise my family will wonder why his family are allowed kids and not ours.

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    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  39.  
     
    Oh dear Becci93, it does seem that you let one in and now before you know it you're inundated with kids. I totally agree with you that you need to say that kids are not invited and stick to it. You will just have to hope that the parents try to make sure that the kids don't disrupt things for you.

    I will be asking our Vicar to request that kids are taken outside if they start kicking off during the service.

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    Met: 2nd September 2012
    Engaged: 3rd January 2015
    Wedding day: 2nd September 2017
  40.  
    • KerryBolderson2be
      CommentAuthorKerryBolderson2be
      Got married 25 months ago
      Posted: Oct 13th 2015
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    its your wedding and invite who you want.. you do need to make a decision and stick to it and try make sure its not one rule for one and a different rule for another otherwise theirs going to be a big fight x

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    Mrs Bolderson2be
    Met 31st July 2012
    Engaged 31st July 2013
    Becoming Mrs Bolderson 14th February 2018
  41.  
    • LadyC
      CommentAuthorLadyC
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 13th 2015
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    I have 3 children, so I sympathise with parents because getting childcare for a wedding can be hard. Having said that, I also completely understand that those without small children don't want to be listening to screaming kids. If one of mine started kicking off I would take them outside immediately.

    We have lots of children coming to our church ceremony. Knowing my luck, all the other children will be angels and it will be my 3 being brats!

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    xx Lady Charlotte Chamberlain to be! xx
    xx Marrying my soul mate on 22nd July 2016 xx

  42.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 13th 2015
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    Lol... Sounds about right LadyC but I'm sure they won't be as its mammys special day and they'll be dead excited!

    That being said when me and my younger sister were bm for our aunty and uncle my sis was about 2 at the time and refused to put her bm dress on. They tried for over an hour and we were about to be late then grandma said she'd give her a packet of ready salted crisps if she put it on and within a flash the dress was on! KIDS! Nightmare

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    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  43.  
    • Mrs Jones
      CommentAuthorMrs Jones
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 14th 2015
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    We are just having 5 children and 1 teenager who are nieces and nephews on both sides. We drew the line there as was going to be too expensive. Plus the thought of screaming kids on our big day was not something either of us wanted.

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    First Date 26 April 2014
    Proposed 27 June 2015
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  44.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 14th 2015
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    Donna we've asked our minister to do the same. I was worried people would think we were being rude but its a once in a life time thing for us, don't want it ruined. We have a LO who will be 3 and a half at the wedding and that includes him lol. One of my older cousins has already offered to take him out if needs be.

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    The Richardson's 31/12/16


  45.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 14th 2015
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    My younger sister who's bm has offered to literally kick them out if they cause any disturbance haha

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    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  46.  
    • FayeJ67
      CommentAuthorFayeJ67
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Dec 19th 2015
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    We are having the same dilemma, my oh's sister has 5 beautifully behaved children and is responsible enough to remove them if they get upset, fidgety etc. I want the 2 girls as flower girls!

    However both of us have relatives who's children are quite frankly brats of the highest order.

    I'm still trying to work out how to have the former without having to invite the latter

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  47.  
    • Myranny
      CommentAuthorMyranny
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Dec 20th 2015
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    You would think, as with a good percentage of parents, that she'd be happy to have a day out without having to worry about childcare. And like you say, she's had more than enough notice to arrange it.

    I'm not being funny, I'm sodding pregnant and if I could get away with not having kids at my wedding, I would! I've got about 15 kids on the guest list I think. I literally want 2 of them to come! But you can't invite one cousin's children without the other. Luckily i've fallen out with the cousin that has 4 kids! Hah!

    Just let her stew. If she doesn't come at all because she's so offended by not having her child with her then she's saved you some money! :) x
  48.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 30 months ago
      Posted: Jun 7th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    This topic is stressing me out too, I'm all for well behaved kids at a wedding but i'm dreading sorting out our lists. we have 3 children and 10 nieces and nephews that will definitely be invited all day also my maid of honor has 2 young children who will be attending and and one cousin who is 12 (so not an issue) but already cousins etc have been asking if their children can come. We both have big families and im dreading that we will end up with 100 kids if we allow all the cousins to bring their kids too.

    glad you stuck to your guns, at least all the ones asking me are ones we see regular etc no way would i consider it if we weren't close. We have family travelling up for ours and we have allowed them to bring their daughter (shes 2) as her daddy is my sons godfather, my partners closest cousin etc.

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    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  49.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 15th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Tell them there is a capacity issue with the venue and you are only inviting immediate family children as though you would love to invite them all, you simply do not have the room to accommodate everyone and their children, Danielle. If it is an issue, they can always politely decline their invitation :)

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    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  50.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 30 months ago
      Posted: Jun 15th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thats a good point velcro, thank you x

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    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

 
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