I feel like im having a change of heart on getting married to my fiance. I feel so upset all the time thinking about it. My partner doesnt help out with anything round the house and is more concerned about his scooter and money. I have a two year old son as well and he isnt even interested in helping out with. Everytime i mention starting to plan for the wedding he changes the subject. We are meant to be trying for a baby and he wants to go and spend all his money on what suits him and not helping me round the house. At the moment im going through a really tough time with work and money myself so could really depend on him but he is never there
I dont know if im being petty about it but i thought partners were meant to be supportive and help out. I dont know what to do please help
Thanks Fiona xx
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
you need to sit him down and tell him exactly what you've just put in your post hun. if you don't talk about how your feeling its never going to get better xxx
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorMrsBroady2B
I agree with Soon to be Mrs Mann. You need to tell him you have to talk and that it's serious and important that you do. Just tell him exactly how you feel. There is no way you can start a married life feeling the way you do. Also you need to ask him what he really wants. If he still wants to get married and where does he see your future together.
CommentAuthorfwills25
Thanks. Just everytime i try to talk bout how i feel he talks about for a minute and then just randomly changes the subject which is really upsetting me. Dont know what to do i feel so down hearted about the whole thing at the moment xx
CommentAuthorHa_x3
You need to tell him how you feel hun.. my H2B sometimes makes me feel like hes not interested, but he is he can just contain his excitement whereas i cant lol hope you get it sorted hun ether way with whats best for you & your son xx
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
He HAS to discuss this with you, it is doing nobody any good to keep avoiding the subject, not to put a dampner on things but i ahve had 2 fiances like this (one i did marry and we are now divorced). you NEED to get him to talk about this hun, or it will just fester until it blows up into one almighty arguemnt where thngs may get said that you both regret.
It is going to be far better to sort this now, rather than later.
Remember : To the world you may be just one person,
BUT to one person you may just be THE WORLD x x x
CommentAuthorsussie
I have been there, though it was his car. In the end i just put it really bluntly. and we reached a comprimise. basically WHEN i have a certain amount of money off him for the wedding (we have agreed £500) then he can buy something for the car (obviously keeping it on the road dont count) BUT anything Ben needs comes first. Its certainly made him pull his socks up.
as for getting him to understand how i was feeling, all i did is stand there and calming ask him what was more important to him. it was a question he wasn;t expecting so didnt start hte usual rows.
CommentAuthorHa_x3
Ive been in a similar situation as you Sussie, my H2B gives me £100 a week towards our wedding (depending on what he earns could be a bit less) and then the rest he can blow on his stupid car.
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
CommentAuthorfwills25
I know what you mean will try and talk to him when get home later just hoping it doesnt cause another big argument
xx
CommentAuthorHa_x3
I know this sounds really silly but sometimes thats what a relationship needs, an argument to get everything out in the open and then back to normal.. maybe not an argument as such but a discussion lol
Helps me & H2B sometimes xx
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
CommentAuthorAntonia9
dont mean to put a dampner on things, but do you think he maybe has had a change of heart? the fact that he is changing th subject when you mention the wedding would have me worried.... however him not helping out around the house and with your son isnt acceptable. If he is more interesting on spending his money on himself and his bloody scooter you need to ask yourself if hes ready to be a "man" a "husband", because at the moment he sounds like hes being a kid and his priorities are not in the right order! x
Cant wait to become Mrs Purdie x x x x
May 4th 2013 - The day i get to marry my best friend
CommentAuthorfwills25
to be honest i agree with you antonia because i think he still is a kid sometimes and like you said not putting his priorities in order. all this is just upsetting me as i dont know how to deal with it and wen we do talk it goes into an argument and he just walks off
i want the best for my son and for my partner to be a father figure he isnt doing a good job im sorry for going on and on i just need to talk and get it off my chest because if i dont im just goin to get upset thinking about it all the time
xxx
CommentAuthorAntonia9
talk away hunni, he is being very selfish. I think you have got to ask him the ultimate question, but also be prepared for the answer you may not want to hear. You need to ask him if this is the life he wants, and if it is then he needs to shape up and start acting like a man! At least you will know, and in a way its better to know now than to live a lie and not knowing. You and your son deserve to be treated properly. An ex of mine used to put his bloody car before me and not just in a boy toy kind of way..... he has to know that his family come first x
Cant wait to become Mrs Purdie x x x x
May 4th 2013 - The day i get to marry my best friend
CommentAuthorElle23
Fiona, if you don't think he will let you say all you need to without changing the subject or interrupting you, write him a letter hun. It allows you to say exactly what you want, for him to read it all, for it to be done calmly without anyone getting upset/angry. I find this sometimes helps in tricky situations where you just need to offload but know it will either come out wrong, get sidetracked an not say everything you had planned or in my case get angry/upset and then the tears flow!!
I hope he is just being completely oblivious to it all and once he knows how your feeling, he will pull his weight Good luck and let us know how it goes x
To be wed on our 10 year anniversary! 23.08.2013
CommentAuthorfwills25
thanks antonia and i know what you mean family comes first and my son means the world to me would never let anyone hurt him.
thanks elle it is probably a good way to speak my mind by writing it in a letter and hopefully does make him see sense
will do thanks
xxx
CommentAuthorLeanneW15
I was going to say exactly the same thing as elle23 write it down :) I hope you sort stuff out for the better! x
CommentAuthorAntonia9
let us know how you get on hun, and hopefully your talk or letter will shake him up! bloody men eh!! lol ;0) xx
Cant wait to become Mrs Purdie x x x x
May 4th 2013 - The day i get to marry my best friend
CommentAuthorfwills25
thanks will do
xxxx
CommentAuthorAntonia9
have you managed to chat to him? x
Cant wait to become Mrs Purdie x x x x
May 4th 2013 - The day i get to marry my best friend
CommentAuthorfwills25
hiya hun
sorry for late reply, yeah did manage to chat to him sat him down and told him everything and he apologised and said that he still wants to get married and that he will do everything he can to help me and my son
All happy now
Thank you xxx
CommentAuthorAntonia9
yay! phew i was getting worried..... im glad its all good news, sometimes men just need a kick up the ass. I had to do the same with my h2b, we had a HUGE blow out when we were on holiday in the Maldives (of all places!) and i told him i would leave him if he didnt get his act together - sure enough he has been as good as gold since ;0) hehe
Cant wait to become Mrs Purdie x x x x
May 4th 2013 - The day i get to marry my best friend
CommentAuthorfwills25
thanks hun
like you said all it took was a good chat and telling him how i felt now i feel that we are better than ever and im over the moon and sooo looking forward to planning xxx
CommentAuthorAntonia9
good im glad! it does feel good to clear the air without those uncertainties looming in the air - concentrate on your planning now and be all excited again! x
Cant wait to become Mrs Purdie x x x x
May 4th 2013 - The day i get to marry my best friend
CommentAuthorHa_x3
Ive had to put my H2B in his place too, for the similar reason spending all his money & time on his bloody car instead of us and every so often i do have to remind him of his priorities but hes getting there lol glad you got it sorted hun
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx