We have very recently decided to get married abroad as it suits us financially (took me a lot of UK wedding venue hunting and quotes before I got to this decision) this was also what my OH wanted from the beginning. He's always thought of the photos on the beach etc... We have invited close family so far and understand that we aren't working with massive budgets and we were willing to completely downplay the wedding part in order to get a family friendly holiday first and squeeze a wedding in somewhere as I really wanted to have the whole family out having a great time!
Then today happens - my mother has decided to lay what I think is a massive guilt trip on me. My mother has been out of work for 4 years due to a breakdown but is (or should be) financially supported by her 3rd husband - my step father.
She starts by saying she thinks my OH has brainwashed me into going abroad. Why can't we do it cheap over here as her, nan and granch won't be able to come and I'm selfish. She says that I have already decided that she isn't going to be a part of my wedding as I know she can't afford to go and yet I still want get married abroad. She then tells me none of my family (3 brothers and 2 step brothers plus partners and children) won't be going as they can't afford it even though I have spoken to all of them and they have said let us know how much and when etc... She then starts saying I obviously don't care enough about her being there if I get married abroad when I know she can't make it.
My argument is, I'm trying to get it as cheap and as child friendly as I can make it for everyone. She has a year to save and she also has a husband who should be able to financially help her even if it's just her that goes.
I didn't just want to get married I wanted my whole family together to have a good time...
I'm starting to loose the will... I know the saying goes there's no pleasing everyone... But the last person I thought I'd hear abuse off is my own mother.
I'm at a loss as to what to do.
Me and my OH have 3 children between us... And although we are not made of money we really wanted this to be a holiday/wedding to remember for us... But was willing to compromise on everything just to suit other people.... Now I'm starting to think we should scrap all guests and just our little family go.
So upset it's unreal! I only want to marry the love of my life!
Sorry it's so long.. I just need to vent and I feel I have no one who I can speak to who is in my shoes :(
CommentAuthorRachelE118
Amy you can't please all the people all the time. So why don't you use the budget for a lovely wedding abroad just you, him and 3 kids then have a party for everyone when you come home. Then you can pick where you want to go without worrying about anyone else xx
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
I think you should still get married abroad ... May sound harsh but if you book it and ur mum wants to be there she will! Why should u do it 'cheap' as she puts it like most probably in a registry office just to please her... Heck no...get in that travel agents!
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
She sounds a bit like H2B's aunt, needing to be the victim. The aunt has said that she will be alone because her daughter can't afford it, because we've put it so early (12:00 pm) that they have to stay over two nights. Her son will be there but she doesn't like his wife (who is lovely), and she could easily cover costs for her daughter, who I think can probably afford it anyway. She's determined to find problems, and afterwards will probably say her brother, who she hates, ruined it for her, but she wouldn't miss it for the world. If you stand firm you'll probably find that your mum will find the means to go.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorElizabethF49
Id be inclined to book it just you your H2b and the kids and if anyone else wants to go they can that way your notputting pressure on anyone and you get the wedding/holiday YOU want.
After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
Our son is 5 years old and our world
Getting married 15.08.15.
Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
Thanks all.. I agree Elinor... She's playing the victim. That's the hardest bit. Emotional blackmail will probably have the opposite effect for her though. I'm more inclined to book it abroad! It has opened my eyes a bit... I think I have been concentrating on pleasing everyone else and what they said they could afford and where they think we should go etc... We will book where we want to go... If they want to come... They will... If they don't... Then I'm not gunna cry over it anymore. Just can't believe my mother would turn on me like this!! Ohh and H2B ain't happy about the brainwashing comment... Have had to convince him not to make a mountain out of it... Although it was out of order!! Thanks again girlies xx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Sounds like you have the right and healthy attitude to your wedding in that you're putting the emphasis on marriage. You and your h2b need to do what is right for you both and your kids. Anyone who gives you grief is selfish, people, family and friends should understand and remember it isn't their wedding, it's yours and they should learn to respect that. Put up or shut up basically.
Hugs! Hope it all works out xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorFranM76
I agree with everyone else - it's your wedding - have a lovely wedding abroad which is what you both want. Like you say, if others want to join you then great - if not, then that's up to them. You could always have a party when you get home so all your relatives can celebrate with you. That's what my best mate did - she just went abroad with her H2B and 2 witnesses (didn't even take the kids) then everyone came to their party when they returned as a married couple. Stay strong and keep smiling girl - you're getting married to the one you love !!!! :-D xx
CommentAuthorMrsRobson2Be
My cousin got married abroad, just the two of them. They had a party on their return & had a projector playing a slide show of their wedding pictures, which I thought was a nice touch. Xx
Your never going to please everyone so do what you both want, I've got the opposite my mum keeps telling me to go abroad as it's cheaper. But I would want our kids there & on pricing it up for us the costs were about the same, but 2 of the children are classed as adults & we were looking at very high end resorts.
CommentAuthorLyndsey M
I think you need to sit with her and talk it all through, reassure her that you are trying your best to make it affordable and enjoyable for everyone.
You say she is out of work due to a breakdown, my guess is that she hasnt fully recovered from this? perhaps she is just going through a rough phase of this at the moment and has unfortunately taken this out on you.
My mum has suffered from depression (not mild in the slightest) for a number of years and I notice when she is slipping back into an unhappy state, she cant help it and ends up pushing people away, I think this situation with your mum might be a similar thing.
I hope whatever happens, everyone has a great time and you get your dream day! x
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
That's what I meant Amy, stand firm on your wish to go abroad. Once she realises that her emotional blackmail is failing and you're going abroad anyway she might well discover that she can afford it after all.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
That's horrible to guilt trip you like that. She has a year to save; even if she put just £20 a week by; that would give her £1040 by your wedding day which should be more then enough to go if it was just her.
I'd just go for it; hope it works out for you!
Met in 2009
Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
Fight for what you believe in!
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Yeh don't let it get to you...I think you find out who thinks you're important when u go abroad...I've noticed working in travel, some weddings have 6 guests, some have 75 x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
If your mums really wants to see her daughter get married then she would find a way to be a part of it. Like you said your step father should contribute if he is financially supporting her. Don't let it get you down, I'm sure everyone else will make your day as special as you want it to be
