Wedding Forum - Can't agree on numbers...

I was a bit like you in wanting something smaller (around 50), but Dan wanted a massive party and to invite everyone he had ever met. In the end the venue that we both fell in love with had a limit on numbers so we had 80 to the day and 120 in the evening. I don't feel that I didn't have the day I wanted because it was bigger than I would have had if it had been left to me, although I do feel that I didn't get to talk to everyone as much as I would have liked.

Sorry this hasn't helped at all! Good luck xx

hey. well we're having a small wedding and only inviting 40 people to the day, and 60 to the evening. We both agreed this is what we wanted because that way we DONT have to invite everyone and we have the perfect excuse of limited numbers :o)
I think katie_lou's idea is a good one, go for an intimate wedding ceremony and wedding breakfast with your chosen 40 or so, then invite everyone else to the evening. It can get ridiculously expensive when you have loads of people to the day, especially if you want a sit-down meal, which is another reason why we're not doing it, we simply can't afford it xxxx

Congratulations on your engagement by the way and welcome to the site :) tried adding you as a friend but your page is restricted at the minute x

Before going to look at venues I would also write an actual guest list and discuss the people on there. I always though I would be having a smaller wedding but when I actually worked out family numbers and friends it easily hit 40 for my side alone. Once you have that you can find a venue to accomodate what you are looking for and maybe look to negotiate on price with them? It could work out that when you do it your h2b realises that there is no need to invite everyone and the neighbour just for the big wedding and you can discuss from there xx

Definitely discuss possible guestlists, we were aiming for 40 for ours, and have had to struggle to get it under 56 (our venue capacity.) Get everyone's names down that you and your h2b wants there, and put them into catagories as to how much they need to be at the wedding, definitely going to be there, important for them to be there, nice for them to be there and meh! Even if you don't agree, at least it gives you a frame for what you're realistically aiming for, and he'll probably have to cut people when you get your venue anyway! Has he said why he wants a big day do? I don't want to encorage you to bulldoze over him on here if it's because it's how he's always imagined it, after all, it's his big day too! But if he's got unrealistic views of how much his massive do is going to cost, then he definitely needs a bit of a wake up call. And if it's just for silly reasons, like showing off, then definitely make him see sense, I think having a small wedding and big evening do is pretty sensible!

And don't let yourself be swayed by venues if you're not sure, make sure you see a range of venues to balance out the small with the big, weigh up the pros and cons outside of capacities, and hopefully you'll both fall in love with somewhere a bit smaller!

Thanks everyone for your responses, its nice to know we aren't the only ones that haven't agreed. We have drawn up a guest list but sent it to his parents to see if we had mised anyone (he has a massive family) and ended up with another 30 people who we hadn't even considered!

In terms of looking at the budget, we have over a year to save but I just think the money could be better spent on other things! Perhaps a small ceremony/wedding breakfast could be the way forward....now just to convince H2B!

We took a few basic rules:
If we didn't think of you when drawing up our first guest list draft - You're not invited
If we haven't seen each other in over 2 years - You're not invited
If we secretly hate you but have to be civil because your family - You're not invited
If we don't talk often - You're not invited
If we have been told we HAVE to invite you - You're not invited
If we feel your just using our wedding to gossip back to others - You're not invited
If we think you won't smile in our pictures aka be happy for us - You're not invited.

:) Have to be cruel to be kind lol

JEm1905 - I love your rules! Unfortunately H2b very much just doesn't to offend people and the easiest way of doing that is to invite the world and his wife!

bridalmiss - the meal the day before might be worth considering - especially as we are getting married where we grew up rather than where we live now - so would be a nice chance to catch up with people. Thanks for the suggestion!

gdu- We was like that, but if they are going to be offend they obviously don't realise how expensive a wedding is. A wedding isn't for bob, fred, harry their wifes & Mistresses. Its for Family & those friend who are so close they are like family.