Hi all, I recently got diagnosed with arthritis, only a week ago, been devastated as i've been told until i get the right treatment I'm not allowed to drive. Having to try and get a bus now to pick my kids up from school, 2 of my best friends, who are also my bridesmaids haven't even shown any interest in helping me out and one has kids at the same school and the other passes the school on their way home at the same time as my kids finishing. Am i being over sensitive? If it was one of my friends I would be offering to help them out as much as I could but thats just me. Not heard from any of them since last week, feel like I'm finding out who my real friends are and reassessing whether to have any bridemaids other than my daughter. Your opinions and advice mean alot so please let me know what you think
CommentAuthorKatie
Hi Teresa maybe it hasnt occured to them to help out. I know that my friends although are lovely are totally self obsessed and dont even think about anyone but them. But if I ask for help they are straight there. Maybe you should ask them for help and see what they say. They may feel odd by volunteering themselves?
xx
Those who mind dont matter
Those who matter dont mind
CommentAuthorpurpleme
oh thats not good about ur news if it was me i would give 1 of them a call and ask if they could bring ur kids home just to make things a bit easier for u. if they are good mates they would def help for some if not all the days. I think u do find out who ur really friends are when u are in need of help and i have lost couple of mates that i thought were good beginning of the year when i couldnt walk but i also gained a fab mate who i didnt really talk to that much before but they helped me out so much when i needed it and now i wonder how i would cope without her def get in touch with them hun xx
Cannt wait to be a Savage :-)
CommentAuthorXTeresainLoveX
Thanks - I will try and talk to them
CommentAuthorJulie Walker x
Yes ask them, they may think you are quite happy to catch the bus. My MOH has a 2 year old with Leukaemia and I jumped straight in and offered to take her 7 yr old to and from school as mine go to the same school as him, yes it's out of my way to get him there and back but I do it because thats the help MOH needs, been doing it 6 months now. As others have said they simply may not have realised you could do with a hand. Good luck with the arthritis, I have it in my spine and it's constant pain :0(
Also they may think that by asking you if you need help that you'd be put out? I know people who I would be happy to offer help, but having done in the past I now would wait for them to ask me.
Got married Sat 28/05/2011
Renewing vows Sat 29/05/2021
We're planning WELL in advance!!
Once asked im sure they will be there for you, I guess sometimes we don't realise stuff is going on even though it's right under our nose!!!
CommentAuthorXTeresainLoveX
Yeah i think your right, they have always been good friends and know how independant I am so it is possible they think they might be insulting me by offering help. I will ask them x
CommentAuthorUnknown
just ask them...i am sure they will help but just dont realise that you need it xx
CommentAuthorXTeresainLoveX
I think because it was such a shock last week from receiving that news that I have been having a lot of negative thoughts so need to speak to them and see if they can help me out now and again
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I would also say ask them as they might not want to hurt your pride. I have problems getting around but my friends know how stubborn I am and that I hate it when people try and take over. They know if I need help I will ask..........OK I really need to work on asking more............... The point is until you make them aware of what you can't do/need help with they won't know what to do to help you.
Unless you go through something yourself you don't know how to handle it or what to do. Its easy to see what you would do if the tables were turned because you know what is needed from them. If you are putting on a brave face for them they won't know that you need the help. I'm sure you will feel better in yourself once you talk to them and let them know how you are feeling.
Ps Although you life will change in some ways it doesn't mean that it is all gloom and doom and everything is over so keep positive as it will really help you through this. Doctors always tell you the worst case but that doesn't mean you will be like that.
CommentAuthorXTeresainLoveX
Thanks Jo thats great advice. I actually woke up yesterday being more positive and am trying to keep going as normal. Got pain all the time but have decided to just keep going. Seeing my GP later and hoping he will be able to give me something so i can manage the pain better. I'm just so used to being so independent it is difficult to adjust but I will get there. Grateful for the support from you all xxxx
CommentAuthorRosie
Hi maybe they are waiting on you to ask because they dont want to make you feel like your illness is taking over your life i too have bad arthritis and although trying to get the right medication take abit of time people dont relise how much it affects you and maybe your bm are just giving you space because it is so close to the wedding to get all the rest of the preparations finnished x
CommentAuthorFaeth
edited
Have you been told what type of arthritis it is? If it's not osteo you need to see a Rheumatologist (sp?) as there are many types of arthritis, and some have some pretty effective drugs you can take to stop it getting worse. It's important to know what type and get the right treatment - don't let a GP tell you just "arthritis" and leave you.
Oh and keep moving! Gentle exercise is the best this for most arthritis - it can hurt to do, but the pain is worse if you stop moving and then try to start again..... Idea is to build up the muscles to support the joints, so that there is less pressure on the bones and cartilages of the joints.
Oh and I agree - just ask your friends - they may not realise that you need that kind of help. They may just be waiting to be asked :-)
"Of course I'm not wedding obsessed!!"
CommentAuthorLittle Kettle
Hey hun. Just seen this post and althoguh not directly relating to the issue, I just wanted to offer out my hand of friendship. I'm 33 and 5 years ago was diagnosed with arthritis. It wasn't too much of a shock to me as I had jeuvinille arthritis between 8-14 and the chances are increased of getting it when you're old, I just didn't expect to this young!!! After going back and forth with different consultants, we've managed to narrow down the type of arthritis to rheumatoid. It was especially tricky as I am one of the 20% of people that do not carry the rheumatoid factor, making the diagnosis even harder. It's called sero-negative arthritis. I was and still am, to a certain point, fiercely independant and a lot of my friends didn't know what to do to help and to be honest neither did I! I'd fluctuate from wanting someone to do everything for me whilst I sat on my back side, to needing to prove to myself that I could do things so getting angry when people tried to help! I'm on immune suppresents now which suit me, but had to go through the torture of trying to find the right one for me which gave me horrible side effects. Happy to talk to you further about it and could even point you in the direction of good support groups if you wanted. Hope things work out with your friends. I'm sure it's a period of adjustment for all of you but things will come right hun Hx
Vegas baby!
Moderator
CommentAuthorXTeresainLoveX
Thank you Faeth and Heather, its reassuring to know I have support. I've had a load of blood tests this morning and they are checking for rheumatoid arthritis amongst other things lol My GP has been great and very supportive, Has given me some new pain relief to try and they seem to help better than the others except they are very strong and do make me woozy but its a small price to pay if the pain goes away. Actually found I could use my left hand better today it felt really good. As for my friends, I think you are all right, I don't think they know how to help and are maybe waiting to hear from me so I will make the first move and contact them
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
its the old tale.... if u dont ask u dont get!!!
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
teresa wat pain relief they given u? gabapentin? ( mit enot of spelt that rite lol blonde moment)
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorshorty
im new to this site but i know what i would do and it would be give them a call no harm in doing so they probs dont want to intrude, i know myself that i am a very indpendant person but now and again you gotta ask for te help im sure they will be there in a sot if not then i dont know you will know what to hope it all works out for you xx
CommentAuthorshorty
also my mum has the same in her knee's and fingers and she can get in so much pain with it cod liver oil tablets and this oil works for my mum with some ibuprofen or however you spell it lol xx
CommentAuthorXTeresainLoveX
Doctor has given me Co-dydramol until they diagnose exactly what i'm dealing with, make me very woozy. I've been suffering with chronic fatigue too so had blood test galore on friday lol x Back to the bridesmaids issue though, out of the three only one has come through for me and has really shown her friendship to me. The other two seem to have disappeared off the face of the earth so after talking to my h2b and he rightly pointed out that the others havent once been round or in touch to see how things are going at all! we have decided to tell them that we are having to make cuts and just having one adult bridesmaid. Just got to find a way of doing it without offending anyone. Just was beginning to not feel right having them all and even if they weren't able to help me with the school run they only seem to be in touch when things are going well. I'm not bitter i'm just a bit disappointed in our friendships as they obviously weren't as close to me as i thought
CommentAuthorshorty
awwww god love you hun..i dont have the best bill of health and im only 21, i got dignosed with chrons disese on my 20th birthday i was really really ill with it was 9 1/2 stone dropped to under 7, was horrible i started to get better then fell prenant and started getting vulval abcesses was in and out of hospital having operations the whole pregnancy, just recently had one friday gone still got district nurse coming, our my 5mnth daughter finds me screaming in pain funny lol..anyyyy way back to your bridesmaid troubles i think your doing the right thing with saying your going to cut it its not fair on you it takes two mins to send a text just too say hi and see how you are, i would be doing the same but dont feel bad about it its your day you have it how you want it. i had a bit of bother with one of mine i have three adult and one kid bridesmaids, i did have four but the other one a said would be best she wasnt because she was wanting to go against everything i planned for them, all the others agreed with everything but her lol..the hard part was its my hubby to be sister :s..hope you get better soon and the hospital dont use you as a pin cushion no more xx
CommentAuthorXTeresainLoveX
Thanks shorty, sounds like you've been having a rough trot too hun, can they do anything for chrones disease, sorry i don't know much about it x
CommentAuthorshorty
unlucky for me there is no curse for it :(..to start with i was on 13+ different tablets a day to try and stop the pain from coming but gotta watch what you eat alot some foods just dont agree with you mainly ones you like in my case lol..i wouldnt wish chrons on my worse enemy i hate having it my mam has got it too just hope my wee girl poppy does get it xxx
CommentAuthorXTeresainLoveX
Fingers crossed for your little one then honey xxx
CommentAuthorshorty
i was ment to put doesnt get it lol i wouldnt wish for her to get it lol xxx
CommentAuthorJoanneWelsh
Hi hun, maybe they dont have kids and dont realise how hard its going to be for you, I would definatly have a little chat with them and explain how your feeling...you never know they might be wanting to help but did'nt know how to approach the subjet x
CommentAuthorXTeresainLoveX
HIya, i'm back to driving now and told them but they still haven't been in touch not even by text to see if we fancy getting together. So to be honest I don't think they are that interested anymore which is fine because me and the h2b have decided to cut the bridal party down to just the kids now anyway. We will still invite them to the evening do but not the main part of the day now
CommentAuthorEnny
they might not even bothered to come to ur evening do... who knows but yeah as a friend u should be there for them!!!
CommentAuthorshorty
sounds like you have got it all under control then sounds like it will be nice to have the kiddies a big part of your day :). i cant wait to see my little girl all grown up and been my flowergirl :D!!.. you do find out wo your true friends are when times are hard :).xx
CommentAuthorXTeresainLoveX
My daughter will be 13 by then so she is going to be my chief bridesmaid and i had already asked another of my friend's if their little girl wanted to be a flower girl and my youngest son will be my page boy so really when you think about it we probably have enough anyway lol x We just decided to make it more personal so if they are genuine friends they will understand that
CommentAuthorshorty
that sounds like a good plan to me i got my daughter a flowergirl my other halfs sisters little boy as a pageboy, got three of my closest friends and my niece as bridesmaid so its going to be ace im so excited lol..xx
CommentAuthorXTeresainLoveX
yeah me too now i've made a final decision on it. we've got the venue booked and the entertainment and i've put a deposit down on my dress and my daughter's dress. Found the flowergirl dress at a charity shop for £7!!! it was brand new lol x Still to sort out flowers, cars, honeymoon although saying that i found a really good deal on a website where it would only cost us £270 each for 10 days away in Albufeira, Portugal so looking good on the saving money front too lol
CommentAuthorshorty
wow that was a mega saving on flowergirl dress im getting one for my little girl off a american site for 23.50 its beautiful i love she is kinda matcing me which is nice im going to try wedding dresses on soon im so excited its mad!!!. love all the planning its so fun wy people say its stressfull i will never know im loving it just the trying to save part for the honeymoon we want which is pretty expensive so its hard but we shall try our hardest to get there we are oing to orlando florida taking my mam and dad with us and poppy then we going away for 3 nights to stay in miami cant wait going to be amazing. You holiday will cost less than our wedding cars i would say thats a very good deal for your money lol..xx
