The first time i left my izzy she was only 3/4 weeks yes i left her with my oh but doing it for the first time is alwsys daunting! Then when she was nearly 3 months left her with my mum to go to my oh's works xmas doo. Some people feel they have to be there all the time but like me i felt comfortable with leaving my lo with my mum or what not! Every couple months sunce my daughter stays over night with her grandma so we can take a breath and have some us time!

Lauren you sister chose to wait that amount of time, and that's fine it's her choice. But you are allowed to make different choices without feeling bad. Try not to put much pressure on yourself. X

Have you thought of joining a mother and baby group. X

I have two children, I was a single mum when I had my first but now I'm in a steady relationship with my baby's Dad (who i'm engaged to obviously).

As I was on my own when I had my son I needed to depend on people (mainly my Mum) quite a bit, I can't really remember the first time I left him with her but I remember she first had him over night when he was about 6 weeks old.

However, with my daughter (now 11 months old) things have been quite different, he is the main person who looks after her if I can't so if I need to get my hair done or go shopping etc I will try and arrange these things at a time when my fella can have her so I don't need to ask anybody else. That's not to say that other people haven't looked after her, I left her with my Mum and fMIL and my best friend when she was much younger, probably weeks or a couple of months old, but I have been much more sensitive about leaving her with people, especially if I don't really need to.

Do you have baby in a bedtime routine yet? If not, I'd say it's worth trying to encourage it. Personally I find it makes such a difference to know that you're going to get a couple of hours in the evening of just adult time.
We struggled at first because baby suffered with colic until she was 8 weeks old but once it settled down we started the bath, bottle bed routine and within a few nights she was in a routine of going to bed at around 7 every evening which meant that me and H2B could enjoy a nice meal together, watch a movie or just chat. My favourite evenings are the ones where we just put some background music on and chat whilst enjoying a glass of wine.

Sometimes if we feel like we're in need of a bit of couple time we'll have an official 'date night'. Yes I know it sounds a bit cheesy but it helps us commit to spending some proper time together and it gives us something to look forward to. One of us will cook the other a nice meal, maybe light a few candles, maybe watch a film whilst having a snuggle on the sofa.

Don't feel bad about leaving baby with somebody though, ignore what your sister or anybody else says, it's your baby, your choice. As long as you are happy and confident that baby will be looked after and safe then do it. Otherwise you'll end up with a clingy baby (which is what I now have!).

Also, if you feel like you'd benefit from some time out together how about asking your Mum to babysit one afternoon whilst you go for something to eat and a few drinks? That's what we've done a few times. A full on night out can be so much hard work and you're worrying about whether bedtime will go ok but we've found it really nice to just get the bus in to town at about 3-4 o'clock, go for a few drinks etc and then get back home for about 7-8 o'clock. That way it gives us a taste of our old lives but without all the stress and worry and expensive of a proper night out x

I would go to a baby club, i found it so great to meet other mums all with different opinions and experience!

With our first, I couldn't cope, I had an emergency c-section, nearly died, our son nearly died, he screamed around 20 out of 24 hours, h2b was working 4d/3n/4off then 3d/4n/3off and started again, We lived in MK, however I had our son in Hunts (a couple of counties over where my mum lived at the time) Our son was allowed home, but I wasnt allowed to leave hunts, he was about 3 weeks when I was allowed to go back to MK. Being away from my mum was really hard, I had no one to rely on, i was not allowed to lift our son as i had the c-section aswel as MAJOR back problems and the risk of dropping him was too high (i dropped him about 3 inches onto his mattress once). I ended up calling in-laws when our son was 6weeks old. I asked what to do, they knew i couldnt walk (just getting round my flat was a major chore) they came and got both me and our son. I had to text h2b telling him where we were so that he didnt go to my flat and wonder why i wasnt letting him in! (we didnt live together officially at that point) this happened fairly regularly, at least once a week! When he was 3 months i was able to walk and was desperate to get out the house, in-laws2b looked after our son whilst we went to the city for a spot of shopping, h2b bought me a gorgeous dress, shoes, makeup, the works! that evening i had just got out the shower, h2b had just got our son to sleep (7pm) and our mate arrived (uncle pie as he is now known), h2b told me to get dressed into the dress he bought, helped me into it as much as i was just about able to walk i still struggled getting dressed due to twisting etc, and i was booted out the door, turns out h2b saw how desperate i was for normality and had it planned for about a month, waiting until i was able to walk! We went for a meal at frankies, saw a film, had a few games of pool, then we went home, he took the baby night shift whilst i recovered from the day! It was amazing! just what i needed! (I had MAJOR postnatal) after that it became a monthly thing, then once every shift pattern (approx 3 times a month).

Despite all of this i was still unable to sleep without our son in the room with us. It took 6months until i was able to cope with a bit of really soft, slow adult only time, due to pain in stomach & back. When our son was 8months we moved counties, we came to hunts, closer to my mum. The only way i was able to deal with separate rooms for us & our son was to move house, i had tried a number of times in the flat but spent the entire time in tears until he was with me again. moving house was the only way, even then i had to watch films til i fell asleep on the floor of the new living room!

It was easier with our youngest, it was an emergency c-section again due to him deciding to "superman" pose his way out! but he was very ill, we were allergic to eachother, the hospital refused to believe i was 8weeks over due! We had a 7 hour hug, then he was taken away from me, he was rushed to scbu where he spent the next 1.5weeks. when we were both released from hospital (xmas eve) we were told to bring him back in boxing day, by boxing day his check up results came back extreemly bad and he spent the next 3 weeks on the childrens ward, due to our eldest, and family work commitments, we had to stay home everynight and could not spend the night with our youngest. by the time he was finally home for good we tried having him in our room but he screamed blue murder, he was so used to the silence of scbu and the childrens ward, in a room completely alone, he wouldnt stop screaming at sleep times unless it was silent, which meant having his own room & door shut.

Our eldest spent a week with in-laws2b 2 years ago, but not since. Our youngest has never spent a night away from us since we got him home from the hospital. eldest 5, youngest nearly 4. fairly soon we will be letting the in-laws2b have BOTH our boys for a weekend, so that we have some "alone time" this will be a hard task for me, as our eldest has a food allergy which is not easy to work around and in-laws have a tendancy to ignore us, dis-believe us etc, our youngest has just managed to slip off the bunk beds and smack his teeth, he will need an x-ray monday to see if he has fractured the roots, 2 teeth are badly wobbling, one other is twisted funny. he is on a soft food only diet for at least a week. hes not in good shape. so this will be tough (on me rather than on kids!) (and dont wory i have taken him to a&e & also on call dentist)

Every parent is different, every child is different... you may feel more comfortable doing something with one child that you will not be happy with regarding the next child. each relationship with each child is completely different, they will have the same basis, a mothers love for her child, but that child is different. you may feel comfortable diciplining your child, but not your sisters kids, every relationship is different.

If you feel you need a break, take one! I HATE my in-laws with a passion, the feeling is mutual!, however, i have to give it to them, they did a brillient job, were more than helpful with our eldest when we were living closer to them (i would call in tears, they would hear eldest screaming, me blubbering about how ive fed him, bathed him, played, cuddled, changed etc and he still screaming, they would leave their dinner on the table to get cold whilst they came to rescue me from their grandson lol)

Now we live where we do, we have lost my mum, my grandparents are too ill, everyone we know round here is either working shifts that do not coincide with us needing a break, or is not trustworthy in our opinion with our kids except in an emergency where we have tried everyone else one child needs a&e & the other is asleep!

If you need a break, take it! if you feel comfortable leaving your child with someone you trust, do it! the help wont last forever! MIL2b has even taken a day off work in order to have the kids for us soon as h2b pleaded for a break from the kids for a birthday present!

Thank you all. You've all been a big help :D

I think you are all right. I will take some time out, and ignore the comments with my head up.

I love my daughter to pieces and i'm not a bad Mum for wanting a night off with my bloke :)

xx