Well my brother has just told my mum he is getting married next year in March - 2 months before our date.

Before you think I am being spoilt, heres a bit of background. I always looked up to my big brother and I adored him when I was younger. He is 10 yrs older than me and he moved away about 15 years ago. He became a probation officer and then a high school teacher. He now is so dissmissive of me, he talks down to me and shows no interest in my life whatsoever. In fact I havent even spoke about my wedding with him at all. I tried to show him a photo of our flat after it had been decorated once and he just said "im not interested" I only see him once a year - maybe twice. He started a huge fight this year by telling our parents that I swore on fb! I just thought that was pathetic.

Anyways, he has now decided to get married in March when our wedding is in June. He knows I wont be able to go to his wedding because it costs too much and we'll be having to save every penny for the honeymoon and I wont be able o get time off work because I am using all nearly all my holidays for the wedding. Now I feel like he has done this because he doesnt erally want me there. MY mum says that they are having a very small registery office ceremony and a meal afterwards, so could they not wait till July? then at least I could be there. Am I just being unreasonable for nothing?


**Update**

My mother spoke to him about all this and he just said "well she never asked me if I could make it before she booked her day". He hasnt shown a single bit of compassion or anything. I am heartbroken. To be honest I dont care about the wedding anymore. I just feel so upset that my brother has no interest in me or my day and hasnt even bothered to tell me or anything. I am so upset about the way he is acting that I dont want to speak to him. Ive text him about a birthday present cos its his bday this month and he hasnt even bothered to text me back about that.

I dont know whether to speak to him or not because I know that he will never admit he has done anything and I cant stand the thought of a fight cos weddings are meant to be happy days. I just cant stop this feeling that I dont want to see him and cant bare the thought of seeing him at christmas now :-(
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I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, I'd be feeling very hurt / upset / angry if I were in your shoes. Do you think he could have also done it to beat you to it if that makes sense? Sorry, that sounds awful of me but from what you've said about his attitude towards you it wouldn't surprise me.

I don't know much about your plans (I've only just started using the site more regularly despite being a member for a while), but I bet your day will stand out and be amazing xx

Thank you girls, I am quite hurt because this is his second marriage and he swore he wouldnt get married again. I dont know what changed or whether he does want to get in in front of me. Its hard to tell cos he is so childish sometimes. He is a bl00dy maths teacher and hes 38 but he has a really huffy childlike temper. I dont even want to speak to him about it cos we havent spoke since the whole fb thing and the nasty messages he sent me. It was mum that he told, so he hasnt bother to text me or anything. He is the golden boy in mums eyes. He has only told her! She was moaning at me for not inviting cousins and stuff but he isnt and she doesnt care that he isnt inviting them.....

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You do your wedding your own way, it is a shame you may not be able to make it to his wedding though - if it's only a meal afterwards and not a massive party could you not make it or does he live so far away it's a trip for you to attend? Rather than get upset about it I'd try to ensure you enjoy both events and share each other's special day if you can xx

im sorry to hear this hun, im my opinion is awfully unfair of him, if he knew yours was june and he deliberately booked it earlier its just mean of him in my eyes, your day will be so special and if he has done it so you cant attend then i personally wouldnt bother about him, hes not the kind of person id wnt at mine. (sorry if thats harsh) im sure you can work it out and if he carries on just ignore him, as to swearing! jeez hes 10years older than you! that what kids in school do! like hes never swore in his life!

i hope youll be okies xx

He lives an 8 hour drive from me and I have 2 jobs - both I've had to book 3 weeks off for the wedding and honeymoon. The only other holidays I'll get next year will be public holidays. I work weekends too - with the band. I could probably manage going there on a fri night and back on a sunday but I wont be able to in March because we need every penny and the petrol will cost a fair chunk. I wouldnt even be able to go with parents cos there wont be room in their car...I dunno its all kinda guessing atm cos I dont know any of his plans.

To be honest, I dont want to go to his wedding. I feel like he thinks so little of me, whats the point in worrying about it. I just dont want to be anywhere near him after the way he has been this year.

:-(

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Also March is month I cant get time off in because I work in the motor trade :-(

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Yeay!! Munchkinpie - you can be my venue buddy lol. Theres a few on here I share a date with too :-)

you're right sod him, I am just gunna forget about it. He can do what he wants and if I can go then I will but its incredibly unlikely - not that Im bothered lol

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There used to be a married couples allowance but this is only valid if you're born before 1935 - it's not in existence now. There's child tax benefits but these aren't affected by marriage so I don't think it matters at all....

Cannot beleive he has done this! I would be livid if this happened to me!! Know the feeling with siblings although I am the eldest but always feel like my younger sister does everything bigger and better than I do! Doesn't matter how big or small the wedding will be its the principle!!

If its a small ceremony then it wouldn't be a problem having it after yours!! xxx

i got engaged last year in September and we announced our date before xmas. My HB2 brother proposed to his gf at easter and now they are getting married 2 months after us in crete where we are going for our honeymoon in June. The big issue i had was that it was only a month and a half after our honeymoon and how they thought we could even afford to just fly over for a week just becuase all their well paid friends can do it! it caused me alot of stress and my h2b told me at first they wanted to do it a month before us in Vegas!!!!! i got really uspet because i thought on top of evrything else we have to pay for now we have to shed out money to fly and stay in Crete. now my h2b's step dad is going to pay for us to go and we will go for 3 days and come home. x

Me and my bro both decided to use our little windfall for weddings so we had to flip a coin for who went first. He lost :D

My H2B nearly refused to propose to me this year because he didn't want to seem like he was copying his brother! Luckily for me his sister told him to stop being an idiot and helped him choose a ring for me! She is now my favourite person in the world!

if hes a teacher he cant have time off in march though?

Ive just been told about it by my brother - just the details. He wants no presents but he wants us to pay for our own meal. He wants us to go to alton towers the day after. 2 months before my wedding, I cant afford all this. Whats worse is for anyone who read my other threads - Ive been dying to go to alton towers all year and couldnt go because our friend broke his collar bone.

This is a nightmare - I cant say anything to anyone because it will cause a big row. Im so upset and I have no one to speak to.

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My mum is now really angry at him too - he is making it hard for all of us to get down there as he wants us to stay at this spa hotel - this is all very well but my parents are helping me with my wedding (not a huge amount just what they can afford, which is lovely) and they are both pensioners. So they cant really afford to spend money staying in a posh hotel. As for me and Scott, it makes me panic. I know if I dont go down then the atmosphere at my wedding will be awful because of it but I really cant afford to go down. We dont have high paying jobs. My main job is a receptionist and my band are only just starting to get regular gigs. We need every spare penny we have.

I dont even want to reply to his message. What do I do? If I dont reply he'll get the hump but I dont want to speak to him just now.

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He is so selfish for putting you in such and awkward situation!Just try to concentrate on your wedding to take your mind off it a bit. Planning a wedding is stressful enough and he shouldn't have booked his so close to yours he should have talked to about it before booking to see if your okay with it.

Surely he should know how expensive weddings are and should expect you to fork out for things like that right before your wedding, its ridiculous!

I don't know what you can do but i good luck with getting it sorted x

I'm glad that my mum is annoyed now because I thought she would just stick up for him. To be honest though, I really really dont want to cause any arguments. Thats my main thing. I wish I didnt have to worry about money and I wish it didnt upset me. I hate it when my family argue. They're a nightmare :-(

If he couldve waited a wee bit longer then we couldve saved up a bit and we could've gone down and actuallly enjoyed the day.

I'm just gunna have to get over it and wait till closer to the time to see if we can afford it....:-/

Nothing is ever simple is it! lol

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Problem is my brother is really difficult to speak to now. He used to be fine but now he is only interested in himself. If I say anything he'll make it look like I am trying to ruin his day....its tough :-/

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I am just so scared of starting a huge row, thats the only thing. My mum is raging so she is gunna call him tonight, I will most certainly get some kind of nasty message off of him tonight. He always goes for me with a spiteful message. I'm gunna wait and see how he reacts to mum first - he likes her more than he likes me lol

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I think if anyone did that to me knowing that ive told everyone when i was getting married i would feel very angry and betrayed

awww crikey wat did he say? even if hes a man his partner shud of realised

I hope it turns out well xxxx

Wahooo sooooo glad it worked out, such a shame when family politics gets in the way of enjoying a celebration!!

I'm glad it's worked out for you! And you're going to Alton towers!!!!!