My fiancé and I have just set the date and booked our venue but we haven't announced it to our families yet. We have been engaged for a years but never in a rush to get married. We will only be having a smallish wedding (around 50 day guests).
I am planning on having my sister as bridesmaid and my fiancé's daughter as flower girl.
The problem comes to that my fiancé's mother will be expecting his two sisters (aged 10 and 7 when we get married) to also be flower girls.
With only having a small wedding we don't want a big bridal party but want to include them by possibly asking them to read a poem or reading.
How do we put this across to his mother? We don't want to announce the date/venue and for her to suddenly announce to the two girls that they get to be flower girls or for her to say to them oh X and X don't want you to be flower girls etc and guilt us into having them as flower girls.
Thanks for any advice!
CommentAuthorEmily17
I would say that you haven't decided on the bridal party but will make sure that everyone is included in the day. then closer to the date tell her and the girls
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorEmily17
Congrats on setting your date!! when is it?
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorSam G 2b May 2016
I would just say you want to keep it as small and intimate as possible and don't want to give lots of people roles. But they could just be "helpers" on the day, like ask them to make sure everyone has a good time and that they are in the right place at the right time etc, although they are pretty young to take on a lot of responsibility.
We are only having around 48 day guests and not much more on the evening but we don't have any children coming, so no one has really "expected" to be involved xx
CommentAuthorBecci93
That's quite a difficult situation to have.. Because of their age they probably wouldn't have expected to be bridal party but his mum most likely will; is it literally that you don't want a big bridal party or is it budget related too?
I personally would have them both as flower girls especially if your having your sister, so as not to cause any upset.
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
You might need to tell OH's mother before she has a chance to get the girls' hopes up. Ten would be a bit old to be a flower girl IMO anyway, I would probably make a 10 year old a junior bridesmaid if I had a girl of that age. You could make them junior ushers helping to give out orders of service, which isn't too big a responsibility. Then perhaps they can still have pretty dresses in wedding colours so they feel special. You could even have OH's parents walk down the aisle ahead of the main bridal procession with them accompanying so they are part of the wedding party.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
edited
We are only having a small wedding with 40 ceremony guests but I am having my OH's sister as a BM, along with my sister, friend and cousin. I know my OH really wanted her to be in the wedding and it is his wedding too. At first I wasn't sure but said yes so I didn't cause any upset but now I like the idea of her being in the wedding as she is my 'new sister' , she will be 16 when we get married. He has another two half sisters who he doesn't live with, they are 12 and 18 and neither of them have even mentioned wanting to or being in the wedding.
I would just talk to MIL and see if she does think they will be in the wedding and let her know your thoughts before she can think too much about it. You never know she might not have even been expecting them to be part of the wedding. It would be nice to have them do something though, even if it was an usher xx
Got together on 14th March 2010
Got engaged on 25th December 2013
Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
CommentAuthorVelcro
i think it would be abit presumptuous of her to assume that they will be flower girls tbh. i think id just drop it in a conversation at some point and just say im only having X and Y as bridesmaids and leave it at that. just because they are young doesn't mean they should automatically be included. you are the bride not your husband.
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorKayleighS46
I think something like this would be something to speak to your OH about. If hes happy for his younger sisters not to be BM/Flower girls etc then just make sure your tell your MIL to be first before she has the chance to say something first. xx
Met 2013
Propsed 2014
Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
always & forever xxx
CommentAuthormishmash
Thanks for everyone's replies!
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
just tell her you only want our fiances daughter to be flower girl to make her feel special and not one of many.
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorVelcro
edited
if it were me and he wanted his sisters as my bridesmaids, id be telling him that i am choosing his groomsmen, in that case. they are his sisters, not his daughters.
and tbh, i think if MIL did say something then it is her mess to sort out, she would be the one to blame for getting any hopes up
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
It's not unusual to have s groom's sister as bridesmaid, in the same way that it's not unusual to have bride's brothers as ushers, I was bridesmaid at both my brothers' weddings, and my brothers were ushers at mine, with the groom's sister as a bridesmaid. However it's by no means compulsory either, I didn't assume with either of my brothers that I would be included, and no one should make that assumption. It will often depend on how many sisters and close female friends the bride has, and how big a party she wants. It's perfectly reasonable to only have one bridesmaid and one flower girl in a small wedding. I think the biggest draw for a little girl about being a bridesmaid or flower girl is wearing a beautiful dress and walking down the aisle with everyone watching, so maybe the two girls, whatever role they have good wear special dresses, although different from the flower girl. Maybe they could then walk with their parents ahead of the main procession.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorInDreamland
I agree with Velcro. Spot on.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
