I have two friends who I have known most of my life who I would love to be my bridesmaids. I haven't seen them in over a year as I had to relocate from Aberdeen to around 150 miles away near Edinburgh for work. Around a month ago I asked them if they would like to be my bridesmaids and they both agreed. However I was talking to them last night and they seem to have changed their minds as they were saying they wouldn't be able to go to any wedding fairs in Edinburgh due to the cost of travel (around £30 round trip) and they couldn't go to lots of dress fittings (I have told them the bridesmaids dresses would be chosen in Aberdeen so they didn't have to travel when looking for dresses) as they have young children.
My weddings isn't for another year and 8 months. I'm just not sure what to do now? Since I moved I haven't really made any friends, just work colleagues so not sure what to do.
:/
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
Is there any chance you could travel to Aberdeen to buy your dress and that way make them included in it as well? Or even just spend a weekend with them, go dress shopping, then if you fall in love with a dress, see if a shop near you sells it and buy it there.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorEmmilou82
I agree with GF. Perhaps you could travel to Aberdeen rather than them come to you. I do think maybe they could compromise a little too.
I hope you figure something out x
Marrying 'The One' on 30th July 2016
I am now Mrs Emma Stokoe xx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
It can be done with some creativity.
My sister had 2 bridesmaids, I was MOH and her other one lives in Canada! We chose the dresses here when she was over for a break then sorted out fittings last minute. She had no involvement in planning or the hen but did a reading on the day and helped find the reading too.
A family friend had 5 bridesmaids all living in different countries! She went back to the states for the wedding. The way they did it wasshe chose d355y asas it is an international brand, chose the exact colour and material, told them then to choose any short style they wanted from a range of 5 and order it then she'd send them the money for the dress and alterations.
None of my bridesmaids came to wedding fairs with me, I went with my hubby.
It can work out if you're all flexible and creative.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
I have three bridesmaids and two of them live down south while I'm in Yorkshire.
We ordered dresses online, which all three of them now have so they can take them to get altered themselves. Could you not do that and travel to them to try the dresses on and hand them over?
My bridesmaids haven't come to any wedding fayres with me and I wouldn't even expect the one who lives local to do that with me as to me that's something I do with my fiancé. The two none local one's have only gone on one shopping trip with me to try dresses for me on and the local one hasn't done any (I asked her after I picked my dress) and none of them have seen my dress on me.
I have already stated that I would go to Aberdeen to go dress shopping with them. I have already purchased my dress so that's a no go.
CommentAuthorInDreamland
I don't see the problem then if you're going to be in Aberdeen for dress shopping.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorCamilaL
edited
Ok, I'm brazilian, so are 5 of my bridesmaids (only my moh is english). They all live here in Brazil and won't be able to help me on any craft work. First, I really want them by my side on the day, and that's why I've invited them. Second, I only want their opinions on small decisions. I don't like having tons of people helping because I can get stressed quite easily. The girls are helping me online, basically. If everything goes right, I'm going back to Europe in September and they will only be able to help me online, with little opinions. We're buying the bm dresses online, so the dresses will be delivered everywhere and they will be able to take them to the alterations by themselves. I'm really happy about how things are going, I don't think distance will make everything that hard ;)
CommentAuthorLorraineT94
I am thinking of not having them at my wedding at all now. And maybe ask one of my cousins to be a bridesmaid instead x
CommentAuthorInDreamland
I think if the bridesmaid dress shopping is in their home town you'll be okay. I know a few people who have had bridesmaids living in different countries so you can make it work! Are you sure they're not making it an issue because they don't actually want to be bridesmaids anymore and just making excuses?
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorLorraineT94
That's what I said in my first post. I think they have changed their mind?
CommentAuthorInDreamland
I'd ask them straight out. If they want to be bridesmaids but genuinely are worried about being able to travel for shopping etc then speak to them and agree what they can do and don't need to worry about.
Do you still want them as bridesmaids!?
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorCamilaL
That's a good point, really. If you still want them as bridesmaids. If you do, just go and ask what's wrong.
CommentAuthorLorraineT94
Thanks guys :-)
I'm going to wait until next summer as we don't need to start bridesmaids shopping til then. I'm just a little disappointed as I thought we were good friends but maybe they don't think that way now as I have moved out of their circle. I have two wonderful cousins who I know would love to be bridesmaids and I am thinking of asking one of them to be my maid of honour but can't decide between them as they are sisters and don't think it's right asking one to be in the bridal party and not the other!
X
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
Sounds like they might be a better choice.
Like you say wait until closer to the time and see what happens. At least they've started to show this now and not a lot closer to the day.
CommentAuthorFlossie
I would be careful because sometimes you can misinterpret things.. Have you been speaking to them via email or social media, I.e. Not face to face? If so then messages can easily get misinterpreted. Maybe they are really excited to be bridesmaids but they just genuinely can't travel. I would ask them straight out like IDL said and then take it from there.. The sooner the better though as it would be nice to have the support of your bridesmaids now, rather than waiting until the time comes to go dress shopping.
I bought my bridesmaids dresses online, 1 to save money and 2 because one of my bridesmaids lives in London and I knew it would be really hard to get them all together in the same place on the same day! 3 of them have tried them on but the 4th still hasn't.. But it is her waiting for her whenever she can come home.
As for wedding fayres, I've only been to them with my OH and wouldn't want my bridesmaids to come with me to be honest. x
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorLorraineT94
My other half can't come to wedding fayres unfortunately, he is self employed and works most weekends. The fairs in Scotland are few and far between and he simply can't make them.
CommentAuthorMadge
Hello,
I have two bridesmaids that live a couple of hours away from me. What we have done is create a pinterest board that only we have access to, then when I want them to see things that I like (or vise versa) then we just add to the board and comment. We also talk through Whatsapp and discuss things. Also if theres something in a highstreet shop that I quite like then they go try it on and report back! When we do meet up our time is planned to go through anything that we need to.
As far as your bridesmaids travel goes I think there probably needs to be some give and take. Maybe arrange to meet with them somewhere and just have an honest conversation with them. Tell them how you feel. If they have changed their minds they may be struggling on how to break it to you. Or maybe they really do find it expensive to travel, in which case they may not be able to do the fairs and stuff but they should try and make up for that in other ways. It doesnt take two minutes to send a link of something that the bride may like! Or you may find that by telling them how you feel they may be horrified that they have made you feel that way, apologise, hug it out and then pull up their socks and get on board!
I hope you work it out with them xx
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
I'm sure you can make it work if you really want them as bridesmaids. I posted ideas about dresses on a Facebook group, but when it came to my own dress I did the trying on with my mum. It doesn't have to be your bridesmaids that help you pick out your wedding dress, so there's no need for them to have to travel to Edinburgh for wedding fayres. As for bridesmaids dresses, if they are both in Aberdeen, then maybe you could make a weekend of it to find suitable dresses (perhaps after a bit of online research), and then if they are made to measure rather than off the peg they can be delivered to Aberdeen and perhaps they can organise their own dress fittings to suit them. They should only need one or two fittings if the shop has a good seamstress. I wouldn't let the practicalities stop you having them as bridesmaids. I had one severely disabled bridesmaid living in Blyth, two in Cardiff where I am, one in Yeovil and one in Andover.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorLorraineT94
Thanks, I will talk to them in April when I see them face to face. x
