Hi all, I'm new here and just wanted to offload/get some advice from people in a similar position to myself. Im the first one of my friends to be engaged and planning a wedding. It went without saying that my three closest friends would be my bridesmaids and they were all thrilled when i asked them. But two of them are being awkward and its getting me frustrated. Lets call them 1,2,3 for eases sake. When i told the bridemaids my colour scheme and what colour i would like them to wear, 1 just groaned and continues to do so every time i see her saying she hates it. Shes constantly trying to get me to change the entire colour scheme of the wedding just because she doesnt like the colour of the dress. (Its yellow btw) I think im being fair that im letting the bridemaids choose a style of dress that would suit them because im dictating the colour. Am i not? Secondly, ive decided to do D.I.Y invites to save costs and i think it'll be a nice activity to do with the bridemaids. I asked them if they would help and bridesmaid 1 & 2 responded along the lines of "well i dont know where you think im going to find the time to help do that!?!" accompnied with rolling of eyes etc. For info bridemaid 3 is happy to go along with everything and has been real supportive. I thought the role of a bridesmaid was to support the bride with the planning of the wedding, not just look pretty in the photos. I dont even want them to come dress shopping with me anymore and that upsets me. As someone who doesnt have anyone to talk to with wedding experience, i just want to know if im asking to much of them?
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
No your not asking to much, bms should support you in eedding plabning etc, an if she has a problem with the dress colour she should just keep it buttoned. If you don 't have anything nice to say , don't say anything at all. An your right they are supposed to help, not just turn up on the day and look pretty! My bms so far have àttended some fayres with me. They may be busy but they should not be like that, they should be like "we have very busy shedules but will try our best" a evening of making invites or packaging favours are norm bm duties! Sn sounds fun with some wine and chatter! And is easier if you work in a row with each person doing a different aspect!
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorStephanieK77
This kind of post is very popular and you will find most people have experienced this. Unfortunatley our weddings are the most important thing to us and very few others. I would just expect to do it all yourselfand count any help as a bonus. I would also consider making the helpful bridesmaid MOH just to make a point that bm duties are more than just turning up on the day. (MAybe thats just the petty side of me that is getting pissed that people expect you to pay for so much for them as a "priviledge" to be in/at your wedding)
CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
I took my girls shopping last week and one of them (my middle sister) asked if they all had to have the same dress. I said I would prefer that they all had the same dress but if they all had different preferences that they were comfortable in then I wouldn't mind them wearing different styles the only thing I would stipulate was that they all agreed on the colour of red or silver/grey, the dresses were all full length and were all the same material. In the end they seem to all have chosen the same dress.
I started a thread last week about one of my bridesmaids 'not having time to come shopping'. I was miffed to say the least....turned out she had broken up wth her boyfriend of 7 years during the week but she still made the effort to come along to one of the appointments in the afternoon.
What I am saying is that she took the time out of what is a heart breaking time for her to come and be supportive in what is an amazing time in my life. I didn't know that she was going through this at the weekend, my oh found out after talking to his mum. Any of the girls who REALLY WANT to be a BRIDESMAID will be there for you. The ones who are just doing the job so that you buy them a pretty dress and a gift to say thanks and pay for their hair and make up will make things difficult for the sake of it.
This is your day and so you can stipulate whatever you like. So to tell them that you want them in yellow and allowing them to choose the style of dress they want is more than accomodating on your part. If they don't like it tell them they can say no to the job if they like. xx
CommentAuthorVelcro
you're not asking too much at all. if BM 1 doesnt like the colour scheme then she can wear what she wants as a regular guest.
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
Your not asking too much at all!! I have only one adult bridesmaid (my best friend and she is moh) I announced our engagement march last year and asked her if she would be my moh an she said yes-end of April she announces she's pregnant an I was really happy for her-cut a long story,she's not helped me out with hardly anything and I kept it all bottled up!! She had the baby 2nd January and about a week after I went pop (after my fsil asked about my hen do,which has not been sorted as it's moh role) I said we need a chat about the wedding an that it feels like she's not helped out at all,to her response was 'I've just had a baby' yes she did just have a baby but not for the whole 7 months up to it from when she found out!! I told her that if she's wasnt up to being a part of my day,it's fine and I would rather know now!! After the kick up the backside,she's been fine and helping me plan and arrange things-so maybe a word might help but don't let her walk all over you x
CommentAuthorKayC79
I think she is being vety unresonable, I asked my oldest friend to be my moh, when she said weddings werent reaaly her thing but she would if i wanted her too.after hearing my colour scheme was going to be lilac and silver she promptly started saying what about this colour or this would look nice. Maybe shes worried that she wil look terrible in yellow I can wear it not every one can, has she seen the actual colour you want she might be thinking canary rather than a paler shade. And yes she is supposed to help you organise your spevial day. Maybe you should point out thst it is your day and that you want her help and support and that if she cant/wont then it might be best if she attends as just a guest.
CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
You're not asking too much as bridesmaids should be supportive and willing to help out but also consider their point of view that your wedding is probably the main thing on your mind and important to you but not so much them as they have their own lives.
Try arranging a certain day and time where you are all free to do something :)
Met in 2009
Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
Fight for what you believe in!
CommentAuthorLauraK7
Haha I agree with Velcro she can always wear what she likes as a guest
CommentAuthor**MrsFarrelly2B**
Hi all on the subject of unsupporting bridesmaids...... I asked my sister and 3 of my longest friends. One lives in Essex and the other 3 are Newcastle way - I'm in Kent. Not possible to get everyone together for a shopping day and bridesmaid 4 has taken herself off facebook so I can't include her in group chats etc. This are tight money wise for me and OH as we now have to move house next month thanks to our landlord along up. Our wedding is in August- a subway. I found a lovely bridesmaid dress in a department store reduced from £150 to just £45 & the assistant spent over an hour looking round the country for 3 more. The biggest size we could get is a 14. Hoping they could be altered if to small. So dress is sent to bridesmaid 4 - I hear nothing! You'd think I'd at least get a text to say she got it or something? 5 days later.....I text her have you got dress? We were meant to be meeting up in Leeds in a couple of weeks but with the moving expense we can't make it so I apologized and said I hope you understand. I get reply sorry dress is too small, I'm looking at flights and hotels and think it's gonna be really expensive. She isn't coming to my hen do either as she's says it's too much money. I text her back `flights??? To where? Trains run from £16 each way with grand central if u book far enough in advance...and I said she could stay at our house of she wanted! No reply.... Am I being too demanding? Am at point of texting her to say f off and don't bother coming. Why can't she give more info on dress ....like it's too small we'll need it altered...or I really don't think I'll ever for into it? Or I'll try and show a bit and maybe that will work? I asked her before I bought the dress of she still wanted to be a bridesmaid and she said yes....but am thinking I made a mistake :-(
Met as Bingo Managers in Kent
Engaged 30th July 2013
Will be married 31st Aug 2014
Honeymooning in Las Vegas & Mexico come Oct 2014 :-)
CommentAuthorkatielea100
Sack her Hun I'm in a similar position with house moving now Our landlord told us yesterday we have to be out by august 3 weeks before our wedding So he can "move in" but it's really because we won't let him put his name on the coucil tax bill But as for your bm just tell her you don't think she's up to the job xx
CommentAuthor**MrsFarrelly2B**
Oh that sucks for you having to move so close to the wedding :-( can you afford to get out earlier? I cancelled dd to estate agent yesterday - felt good! Haha I don't have that many close friends - guess it comes from moving a lot and unsociable hours (or im a bitch!)& maybe I'm thinking our friendship is better than it is. We used to speak everyday but then she left the company...left Facebook....I keep meaning to text her but then life gets in the way and I forget...tho it's not like she's contacts me! Is it just me or do you think (from reading) that she's being overly negative? X
Met as Bingo Managers in Kent
Engaged 30th July 2013
Will be married 31st Aug 2014
Honeymooning in Las Vegas & Mexico come Oct 2014 :-)
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
Seems to be a run of twatty landlords at moment. My landlady just handed over managment of her propertys to a agent. And now they want to come do a inspection ever quater. In the year and a half here never had a inspection.
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorkatielea100
I think it's her causing the rift not you Hun And we can't really afford to move at all :( going to take half our wedding money to move then when we get our deposit back we'll still be 1k down I have a viewing tomoz at an apartment down the road literally 2 min walk So fingers crossed! Just my OH is in work allllllll the time so have to do the whole thing on my own with 2 kids lol xx
CommentAuthormrs Burton2b
I don't think either of you two are being unreasonable I don't have anyone to ask to be a bridesmaid but I would expect them to help and be supportive and wear whatever colour you choose at the end of the day its your wedding not there's
follow your heart and you're dreams will come true
CommentAuthorKirsty
Lana they say every quarter but in reality its every year which isnt so bad. We have had some right gems of landlords ( ;-) ) but we have a good letting agency now to buffer him!
CommentAuthorkatielea100
Lana my dad used to have inspections at his old property and it was to keep an eye on making sure the landlord was doing what they should be not the tenants :) x
CommentAuthor**MrsFarrelly2B**
I hope your viewing goes well - finger crosssed for you xx My bridesmaid number 4 has text to say she cant be a bridesmaid - nor can she even come to the wedding! its too far/expensive for her.....charming! silly me for being under the misguided impression we were friends :-(
x
Met as Bingo Managers in Kent
Engaged 30th July 2013
Will be married 31st Aug 2014
Honeymooning in Las Vegas & Mexico come Oct 2014 :-)
CommentAuthorKirsty
One of my sisters said she actually wasn't bothered about being bridesmaid so I told her to jog on! Sister or no if you cant be bothered I dont need you around
CommentAuthor**MrsFarrelly2B**
too true x
Met as Bingo Managers in Kent
Engaged 30th July 2013
Will be married 31st Aug 2014
Honeymooning in Las Vegas & Mexico come Oct 2014 :-)
CommentAuthorMegs84
I originally had 2 bridesmaids and a man of honour. 1 of them i used to work with, and when she left we arranged to meet up regularly to plan. Well that hasn't happened, and after more than 6 months of trying to contact her via phone, text, fb and her mum and sister (who both work with me), i have heard zilch!!! It's fair to say she's no longer a bm! I have never had many 'close' friends, only these 2 girls and my best mate who's male, so i was quite upset. I've had problems with meeting up with bm 2 as she has a baby, and it's been a really tough 6 months for her, so i understand that she hasn't been able to help with planning. My best mate has been there every step of the way, and has been my rock throughout, although he hasn't been able to help with the dress, or any of the other 'girly stuff (he's straight btw). My mum has helped with the dress, but because i've pretty much had everything planned out for at least 2 years, i've done everything! (We've been engaged for 11 years!!) I'm not letting any of this get me down, as i know that as long as i have these two, my family plus OH by my side, everything will be perfect!!
