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  1.  
    • beximo86
      CommentAuthorbeximo86
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 18th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Sorry, but need a vent!!

    I have picked my 2 oldest and dearest friends to be my BMs. 1 (KB) lives in Sheffield (about 1.5 hours away from me) and has been fantastic in helping out, but has said from the start she didn't want to organise my hen do as she was so far away from the majority of people I would invite, and doesn't know as many of my friends that my other BM does.
    Other BM (KH) lives in the same town as me but is a long distance lorry driver. She has been somewhat less helpful and enthusiastic. She was on her phone for the majority of the first time I tried dresses on, and only seemed interested when SHE tried tiaras on (she is not wearing a tiara!). I asked her if she would organise my hen as we share a lot of the same friends which she agreed to. BUT, I sort of gave her an idea of things that I wanted to do for my hen/places to go etc because she said she didn't know where to start. Next thing I know she was pricing up a hen do at a truck festival called Assan. Definitely NOT my cup of tea!
    After pretty firmly telling her I was not going there she got a bit shirty with me but we sorted it out, but she kept mentioning Asssan. I told her that if we were going to go to a Big Weekend at Butl1n$ then we needed to start getting quotes as they book up quickly. She never bothered getting the quotes, and as such I have basically organised my own hen do, which whilst a bit annoying, does mean that I get to do what I want...


    One of the girls coming on the hen do is really looking forward to it, and really getting in to it. She spoke to BM (KH) and basically BM said that she wasn't looking forward to it and didn't really want to go. She kept messaging me when I was organising sleeping arrangements for the hen do, asking who she would be sharing with and such, because her sister had to drop out. I gave everyone a cut off date to tell me if they would be attending the hen do as the quote I had could only be held for so long. 2 days AFTER that cut off date, BM text me telling me to add her sister on to the hen do as she was going to pay for it. I managed to add her on in the end and it hasn't affected the cost p/p, but she still seems less than interested in going. Whilst I was on a night out on Saturday I had 5 messages off her asking about sleeping arrangements, because she thought that she was going to have to share a room with 5 other girls. I explained that its 2 to a bedroom but 6 to an apartment, but she still seemed a bit shitty about it. I'm also still waiting on her to pay the deposits back to me, which whilst it's only £60, every bit of cash helps when you have a wedding to pay!

    I just feel that she doesn't really give a crap at the moment. I've tried to be as understanding as possible as I know that she works a lot of hours, and is often busy Mon-Fri with work, and occasional Saturdays. I know that when she has weekends off she wants to see her family and fella as well as do all the things that she needs to get done. But is it really too much to ask that she at least feigns some enthusiasm for my wedding?! She did text me on the 15th to say that there's only a year to go and she is excited, but that just made me think that maybe she just wants to be the BM for the sake f being a BM? I've tried to arrange to meet up with her for a chat about it all, but she's always too busy. I guess I'm just feeling a little let down at the moment :( x
  2.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 18th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I can understand how you feel hun, especially with all the hassle about the hen do. If she knows most of your friends as well I don't see why she would have a problem with sleeping arrangements. My bridesmaids are organising my hen do and although they know each other they do not know most of my friends who are going. I haven't got numbers of who is going yet but I am inviting lots of people who will only know 1 or 2 people OR not know anyone at all.

    I don't know what to suggest though, maybe sit her down and speak to her, tell her you have been told that she is saying she is not looking forward to the hen do and that it upset you when you heard but that you want her to feel comfortable and that she will only be sharing the room with her sister and that the other girls sharing the apartment will be one's she gets on with anyway.




  3.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 18th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    i think id only really pull her on the hen do comments, it's not being planned to suit her, it's being planned to suit YOU. fsil tried gettign me to do a murder mystery thing. Not my cup of tea at all, she was like a dog with a bone, luckily my MOH took over the planning and pretty much told everyone the planning was in hand and that she had sorted what we were doing lol. Apprently she even tried taking over that as well, telling people when they had to pay and where they had to stay etc THEN PAID LATE HERSELF! Your bm needs telling that she needs to hand over the cash asap - that is just rude.

    Very rude of her to be on her phone constantly at your dress fitting too. I would have addressed that there and then.

    As for the enthusiasm of the wedding in general, I wouldn't really broach that just yet. As you have said she has a very busy life and getting excited over your wedding with 11 months to go just wont be a priority for her just yet, I'd imagine. Unless it is that maybe she's disinterested in your friendship in general and you are the one making all the effort to come together etc and trying to plan your wedding has maybe highlighted that?

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  4.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 18th 2014
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    I ended up organising my own hen do as well, because of the two MOHs who I'd originally asked to do it, one had a baby and the other was just having a really difficult time. The other BMs are younger and I didn't want to trust them with it. She should really co-operate for the sake of a weekend. I was bridesmaid for my younger brother's wedding, and the hen do really wasn't my cup of tea, but aside from not taking part in any of the challenges in the cocktail making class, as I really wasn't comfortable with racing to finish a drink, I got stuck in and didn't make a fuss. I didn't get involved in the organisation, but that's because I was only there as the groom's sister and didn't know the bride well enough to know what would suit her. Her twin sister was CBM and in control of everything.

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  5.  
    • beximo86
      CommentAuthorbeximo86
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 18th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thanks guys. Velcro - I addressed the phone thing with her but she said it was because of work that she was on the phone. I let her off as didn't want it to ruin the day.
    With regards to being disinterested, there are a group of 5 of us that are all really close friends. We have all noticed that she is less interested with us and our friendships and more with her fella and her family since starting her new job. I know that they are important but surely friendships (of over 10 years!) are important too? I guess the reason I'm expecting to see some enthusiasm from her is because my none BM friends are enthusiastic and excited already.

    Hopefully she will agree to a meet up over bank hol weekend and I can tell her how I feel, that's all I can do really for now. But even with her disinterest, I still can't imagine getting married without her by my side on the day.
  6.  
    • AmyN135
      CommentAuthorAmyN135
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 18th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I really feel your frustration about this!!! I'm not at the stage yet of hen do planning but my sister who is my MOH has railroaded me into going to Ibiza. Of course nothing wrong with that but I initially preferred going to a small town in the south of Ireland having a days activities and night pub crawling. I guess my worry is feeling like people have to go to Ibiza and the expense of it, I dont want to impose on anyone........also my Mum wants to come and 'share' her 50th birthday celebrations which my sister is in agreement with!!! So as selfish as it sounds, I don't want to 'share' anything with anyone, I'll only ever have one hen. I feel like such a whiney b*tch and spoilt brat saying this but can't help it! I haven't really said much as my sister is super excited and she had been very enthusiastic and very helpful with my planning.
    May you could send her an email explaining how you feel? That way you can be tactile and and read over what you say to her first.
    xx
  7.  
    • CommentAuthorJessica29792
      Posted: Aug 20th 2014
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    I can understand if she may be feeling a bit tired etc. because of her work hours but I think that she should be helping out as much as is possible for her and if she is present when you are trying on dresses or going through details of your wedding or hen do then she should try to input as much as possible. The fact that she was on her phone when you were trying on dresses tells me that she is more bothered about the way that she looks on the day rather than you. Can you not pull her to one side or phone her up and explain that you feel that she isn't enthusiastic about the whole wedding and that you get the feeling that she is only in it to be a bridesmaid? Sometimes being upfront about it sorts the problem out. The worst that could happen is that she tells you she doesn't want to be your bridesmaid and I think after everything she has been doing, that won't be much of a loss, especially as you seem to have other friends who would be more than willing for it. Maybe just try explaining to her that you don't want her to organise everything, you just need a bit of input and helpful advice on what to do for certain things x
 
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