Ok so since last easter ive been attempting to get all my bms together!

So ive attempted to arrange numerous meet ups, its difficult as they all work different shifts, 1 has a kid and 1 is at uni.
So after a few canceled days out i had a chat with them all about some possible dates and gave them all around 4 months notice. They all agreed a date. I knew someone would forget so for the last month i kept sending reminders. Gets to 2 days before and 1 suddenly cant make it and the other apparently has a wedding to go to (im sure she would of known way in advance about this!) So it got cancelled.

I then attempted to re-arrange another date (this thursday) All agree again so i sort lift sharing and times. Then 1 of my bms (same one who came up with the wedding excuse) text me at the weekend saying Ill have to let you know about Thursday. That was it so i asked why and all i got was im very ill. Now i know its not her fault but there was no apology or sorry i know youve been planning this for ages we'll sort another date blah blah blah. Just a blunt message.

Well now shes better and i text her today asking if she knew about thursday yet and NOW its a different excuse she says she doesnt know if anyone can look after her little boy. Im sorry but shes had 4 months to sort this and she told me she had childcare all sorted and could deff come. She said its hard having a 3 yr old and although i dont have children so i have no idea i do have many a friend's who do have kids and they manage to turn up, be on time and work around having kids. (she doesnt want to bring him as he'll get bored and will just scream and strop and i dont think i could put up with a whole day of it without sounding horrible)

I dont want to be like a **** but she knew i sorted this date as it'll be the only time now until closer to the wedding that i can get all 4 of them together!! ill be starting my new job soon so will be working more hours & my other bm goes back to uni on the 7th!

Its all the time now that shes un-reliable. Even if were just meant to meet up for coffee and a catch up she bails last min or doesnt even let me know then i get a text hours later saying she over slept. It's not once every so often now it is nearly every single time we arrange something.

I dont know how to approach this Should i sit down with her and have a quiet word about it? as im worrying about on the day with childcare (she said shes already sorted it as we're only having family to day) and that she'll be late and then make us all late and put everything behind for the day.

Advice please?

I think you defo need to sit and talk to her as it's not fair and rather rude x

Could you pop round hers for a coffee or something, and have a good long chat with her? Maybe not mention the wedding at all, but try and find out how she is, if something's bothering her etc?

I suspect it probably is a case of you've drifted apart as friends, in which case she'll probably feel relieved if she isn't a bridesmaid anymore. However, on the off chance that there's something really bad going on in her life, then that's more important than your wedding and her doing what you expect from your bridesmaids. It'll be her needing the support from you.

Thankyou for all the replies.

She doesnt really have much going on thats major in her life only thing is shes constantly on and off with her boyfriend thats it really.

It's more the fact she never seems to be phased that shes let me down again its like it's a normal thing to her and she shouldnt have to apologise.

Im going to try and have a chat with her about it all see what happens.

id be tempted to have a chat with her about it in general and to rearrange the meeting for the dresses, but make it clear that if she doesnt turn up yet again, that you wont be rearranging it, yet again and you will just take it as an assumption that this means she no longer wants to be a bridesmaid. You've been accomodating enough.

I'm having the same predicament with mine,always one that let's it down when I want mine to meet each other too... Starting to get pissed off lol x

Hmm, if she's always done it and got away with it, hopefully a chat will be all you need (:

Some people are absolutely useless with things like that and it might make her think if you point out on her the effect this is having.

Xx

UPDATED!!!

I think they all need speaking to and if they not able to commit to things that need doing then it maybe time to re think ur BM xxx

aww hun if i were you i would have a serious chat with them about it if they wont meet up then do it over the phone and then after chatting about various things ask them out right about if they want to be bridesmaids and tell them straight that if they mess you around one last time that is it they are no longer a bridesmaid! xx i hope you manage to get it all sorted out hun x big hug!! xx

eek what a stressful time hope u get sorted x

well i think they have just made the decision for you then .....


slap them

I think that bm certainly needs the sack. You have explained what is expected of her, and she's still messing you about.

I'm not normally a fan of sacking members of the wedding party as I think some people's expectations of what they should be doing are quite high, however she has made no effort whatsoever, not even with regards to the wedding, but with regards to your friendship, and to me that's the ultimate crime.

Xx

So the BM with the child replied saying her gran died on the thur.(the day we were meant to meet)
Now i never knew, she hadnt told me so its not my fault i didnt realise and obv loosing someones a horrible thing i was deverstated when i lost my grandad.
I said im sorry that i didnt realise but anyway can guess what happened next Its been so blown out of the water that its not even about the wedding im just the horrible, un-sensitive person and im completely in the wrong.
I did try and explain that i obv didnt know and it was about her letting me down that was all but nope im having all sorts thrown at me and the texts are so patronising.
I should know how important family is and how it comes first and about caring as im a care assistant i should know what that means ..... Again how could i of when i didnt know until this evening!!

Ive just left it for now until another time. :(

Exactly, you're not in the wrong as you didn't know!
It's heartbreaking to lose a family member but if I was her, I still would of taken less than 2 mins out of my day to let you know what was going on, not wait for you to text first!
You don't need the stress of the arguements that aren't your fault, on top of the wedding plans etc. xx

becki your not psychic sally hun how were you supposed to know if she didnt mention it to you, shes trying to turn it on to you so you feel guilty hun but you have done nothing wrong infact im surprised you have put up with it for soo long as i would of booted the 2 of them by now they just dont seem bothered in the slightest. this is YOUR special day hun dont let them spoil it for you by making you worry about wether they have child care or are going to be there on time they have had plenty of oppitunity to prove themselves x

I'm so sorry hun that they are being like this with you, I really know how it feels as one of my bm`s was the same and it really cast a shadow over my wedding planning. Firstly I would advise u to get some distance from them both to decide what to do. carrying on with text arguing is just going to upset you more. once you've had some time to think you can decide whether u want to carry on with these girls or just leave them to their lives. personally I think you should move on with them not being bridesmaids, they are constantly upsetting u. I let my bm carry on as she was my best friend for 12 years and regretted it cus she really wasn't there for me on wedding day and barely speak to me now. do u really want these two in your wedding photos? they don't deserve to be xxxx

Huni ypu are far to nice, is your name Mystic Meg or do you claim to be John Edwards....if not how are you expected to know that her gran died and she may have an excuse for the last week or so but what is her excuse for all the other times? Personally, I feel that you should just count your losses with then two and move on as neither of them seem to be bothered and wedding planning is stressful as it is with out the ppl that are meant to be tour A Team letting you down and telling you how terrible you are for not being Mystic Meg. Move on without them and tbh she should be grateful as now she no longer has to worry about having to find childcare, or take time from work/uni (the other 1). Chin up sweets, you'll be better off without the stress xx

Ah honey, I feel for you. I'm not sticking up for her at all as no one deserves to be treated like that and she sounds nasty but maybe she is hurting over this death and your an easy person to take it out on?! Don't be too harsh as she has a lot on her plate so I would leave it and not take anything to heart as both hurting. Let the dust settle then have a chat in a few weeks. However if she was that good a friend maybe she would have told you about her gran?! Xxx

millz I agree!

Hun, hopefully things will get better and you can sort things out with your friend who lost her gran. As for the other mate, she doesn't sound like a friend to me at all and she needs dropping not just as a friend but also as a BM.

Hugs!!!

xxx

Thanks for the replies! Think its the most ive ever had on a post lol

Ive left it since saturday, i didnt reply to her texts as i knew it would just turn into something nasty and i didnt want that so i walked away and left it until today.

I sent the one whos nan died a text saying i was sorry but i was just a little taken back that im meant to be her good mate and she didnt feel she could tell me something like that so i could of least tried to help her. Have no idea whether the reply will be **** off or whether we can go from here back to how it was.

Will keep you all posted.

As from bm number 2 i havent heard a thing from her... nowt...zilch.....zero...... I dunno whether her phones broken or not on book of face on my phone if i click chat it tells me next to her name the last time she was on it so i know thats working... ignorning me maybe? apprently according to the other bm shes been ill and had to go docs for a blood test on the day we went shopping but i have no idea why im suposely their best mate and im never told anything ...

I havent bothered with bm2 since im not running around after her now and as for the other bm i just want to clear the air as its constantly on my mind about what was said. Once thats done then im going to go from their and have a think about what to do now :( x

Aww hunni, I really feel for you. I can understand that BM1 wasn't thinking straight but regardless a little bit of consideration and respect from both of them they would have sent a quick text with an explanation to say they weren't going to be able to make it. Try to take a step back from it for a few weeks then send a text to all bridesmaids with a couple of potential shopping dates on asking which ones they'd be free for, go with the majority ans specifically state that it will be the last opportunity to go shopping so that its vital that anybody who still wants to be bridesmaid attends. If they've got notice of the date and truly want to be your BM they will make the necessary arrangements to allow them to go