Hey B2B's, I need some advice on bridesmaids. I got engaged a year ago when I was still at uni, I had a really close knit group of friends the 5 of us did everything together, so when I got engaged I was super excited and a little naive perhaps :/ and asked te 4 of them to be my bridesmaids with my 2 sisters. I had never really wanted that many BM's but it was important to me to have my friends and we were all so close that I couldn't just ask 1 and not the rest.
But a year down the line I am feeling really let down, only 1 of them has really kept in touch. We still all meet up when we can which is tricky now uni has finished and we all live in different parts of uk, but they don't even text to see how I am or show any interest in the wedding whatsoever. When I mention it I feel like I'm boring them. They are still all expecting to be BM's but I feel it should be a privilege that there excited about. I don't think they care enough to be BM and I don't think they realise the cost involved. Anyway you get the idea...
So I'm thinking of asking them to no longer be BM's and just have my 2 sisters and the one friend who has made the effort. But I'm really worried what effect this will have on our group of friends and how they will take it. Is it really bad to ask them and then unask??? I really wish I had been less hasty when asking them I was just so excited and wanted to share my excitement.
Please let me know what you think I should do.....?
CommentAuthorkirstyless
I can't believe how common this problem is.
I got engaged in 2010 and spoke to my friend all the time every day even though she lived in UAE and I asked her straight away to be chief bridesmaid. Well after we booked the venue I never heard from her til last November when I was having to hassle her to send over her measurements to order the dresses. At this stage I asked her if she still wanted to do it, she said she did. Well I'd demoted her by this point and I dunno if she ever realised this. She didnt come over til March 3rd (I got married April 2nd) to try her dress on and it didnt fit. So she needed to come back over a few days before the wedding to get it sorted, she left booking her flights til the week before and couldnt find one straight away!! I was fuming. On the wedding day I saw her for the photos and that was it, I dunno where she was. For months she never got in contact and when she did it was all about her. I've not heard from her since the wedding and I'm not gonna contact her cos I'm still angry. I felt like I paid out £200 on a dress for someone to attend our wedding.
I think the problem is when you get engaged you're that excited you can make decisions too quickly. I was extremely naive with asking her to be bridesmaid, but I realised this too late in the day. You have 12 months left, so if you're having doubts now then I would make the decision not to have them. Were you buying their dresses? You could always use this as an excuse if you want to give them a reason.
If you ever need to talk, just pm me! x
CommentAuthorbambi.mk
Thanks kirstyless and Congrats on being a newlywed :-)
It is so frustrating how people just don't get that its an important day, you can guarantee they would expect the same if not more on there own day grrrr.
I am buying the dresses, and if I kept it at 6 BM's would need an extra car as well, just don't think they understand or care enough to try too. I've tried loads to get them interested but its just not working. Think I have made my mind up, just worried about telling them, as despite not showing an interest they are expecting to be, so think they will be angry. I am just going to have to bite the bullet and tell them. I don't want BM's that dont care about the day or making it special for me.
It sounds like you had a very similar problem so I am going to take your advice thank you xxxx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Hmmm, awkward one hun, I can understand why you asked them and now want to unask 3 of them.
People to "sack" their BM's if they're showing no interest/pulling their weight in helping.
It would be easiest to unask all of them because then you could just put it down to affordability and say you now just want your sisters. Is the one friend really really keen and supportive and interested?
You're right that being a BM should be a priviledge and it also comes with responsibilities so maybe you could ask them whether they are up for the duties and committing the time/effort that you need them to undertake and say that whilst you'd love them to be BM's you'll understand if they cannot commit to this and would therefore rather not be BM's.
xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorSaraC1
edited
do what u feel is best if u dont have much to do with 3 of them why would u want them to play such important roles on your wedding day?? i think u should tell them how u feel :)
I'd just say to them that you've worked out your budget again and you really cant afford the extra car and the dresses - if they really want to be bridesmaids they may offer to help out?
CommentAuthorbambi.mk
The one friend is really keen and has been super helpful and supportive, plus she is going through a really tough time, mum been diagnosed with MS split up with long term partner had to move back home and leave job, despite all this she has been the most supportive and is super excited about it, so definitely want her to be a huge part of the day.
I think what you said Indreamland might be a good way to approach it. I have some time so at least if I asked that first and got there response if I do cut them it might not be such a shock, and will give them a chance to step up if that's what they want.
Thank you girls xx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Good luck with the conversations! Let us know how you get on and hope it goes well xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
