Sorry for this massive write up... Please read though x
I have a bit of a problem with regards to one of my bridesmaids.... First of all I will start at the beginning so you can try to understand where I'm coming from.
Last year me and my OH went on holiday with our friends and their daughter, during that week my OH had planned to propose to me on the beach. Our friends and their daughter go to cyprus every year and we felt like it was all about them. We hardly had time to ourselves and Paul felt pressured into where he should pop the question as they were like.. Well I think you should do it here, do it like this etc... In the end Paul ignored them and popped the question on the beach at a posh hotel like he had planned in his head. He'd done well to keep it a secret for 6 months so I was a complete mess. I was crying my eyes out because I was so happy!
Anyways, my sister was over the moon that I asked her to be my maid of honor and she has began already with ideas etc.. I asked my friend and her daughter to be bridesmaid and flower girl. We asked my cousin and also pauls best friend who in turn has become a really good friend of mine from his home town of newcastle. Paul asked my friends hubby to be his best man as they've been friends for a long time and he'll do a great job.
So as the months have gone by (we not getting married until August 2013) so got a while to go, but she's began to be a pain the my backside. She has her own cake business and I asked her at the beginning of our engagement if she would help decorate my wedding cake as my mum would bake it and cover it with icing etc and at the time it was not a problem and she said yes. We went to a wedding fayre with my mum and when my mum asked about the cake being decorating, my friend turned around and said "oh well, I'll have to see what cake orders I have running up to your wedding as they'll take priority over yours" my little heart just dropped and I didn't know what to say. My mum was a little put out by this comment too. Considering her, her daughter and her hubby are a big part of our special day and she says she can't help with decorating the cake, it's really upset me. Also, while we were at the fayre she was strutting around the stalls as if it was her wedding. Wherever she wanted to go, we had to follow. She picked up a flower girl dress and said to her daughter would you wear a dress like this. I tried to say to her ah look this is the suit that my OH wants but all she was doing was talking to the lady about how they hired the suits from them when they got married 6 years ago. I was like hello, yes I'm talking too.. and then she mocked every other cake maker in room. To be honest I was embarrassed.
Secondly, we went out for a night out as a foursome in our local town. As the drinks were flowing so was her mouth. She began to tell me she was p***ed off that I didn't ask her to be maid of honor, what am I going to do when we go looking for bridesmaid dresses and for instance my sister and Nat like a dress and she doesn't, she purely wants to plan the hen do as apparently my sister won't be as good (but when I mentioned I would like to go abroad for it, she said shed not be able to afford it :s ), she made a sarcastic comment about her buying her daugthers shoes for the day, but I have asked all my bridesmaids if they would mind buying their shoes as everything is adding up.
I know we have a long way to go until our wedding but this is getting me stressed and upset already. I don't know what to say to her, as I know if I say I can't/don't want her to be a bridesmaid shell pull her daughter and also try to make her hubby not be best man. She is older than me and in all fairness I'm to soft so I think she thinks she can walk all over me. My sister doesn't like her and neither does my other bridesmaid, so I think I have to do something about the situation.
Please, any advice would be great.
Ta muchly xxx
CommentAuthorsussie
i think you need to sit her down and talk to her. just remind her whose wedding it is, and say will you be decorating my cake or not. she can easily put it in the diary and a lot of cake people i spoke to on mine are getting booked up for 2013 so yo uneed to know, so you can make other arrangements.
As for the rest she sounds like she is an organisering nightmare.
CommentAuthorbrilly
i agree with sussie hun u need to sit her down and talk about it just remind her its ur day ur planning not hers and i agree about asking about the cake decorating too u need to know in advance because when the time comes and she cant do it ya might not be able to get it done xx
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
CommentAuthorMrsEminson2B
I agree with Sussie you need to sit this lady down and explain that it is your wedding and even though you dont mind hearing her suggestions the final decision is down to you.
She needs to decide if she is doing the cake decorating or not as you will need to find someone else if she cant.
You say she got married 6 years ago well she should know how it feels to plan a wedding
We are all here for you xx
Met Matt at 10 years old
Marrying him at 27 years old
I can't wait to be Mrs Eminson on the 8th June 2013
CommentAuthorLittle Kettle
As lala isn't here, I'll take on her role for the moment...SLAP HER!
No, in all seriousness, I would really re-consider having her as part of the bridal party. There are ways of letting them down gently. How does your H2b feel about her and the situation?
Sounds like a touch of the green eyed monster here. She's jealous and probably put out you did'nt ask her to make the entire cake as seen has thats her business. She will take over and spoil everything for you if you dont grow a pair a tell her straight. Sorry to sound harsh but with these types of people you've got to put them straight from the word go or she'll dominate all your plans. If you dont get a straight answer about the cake go elsewhere its not worth the stress and dont let her dominate your hen do arrangements its not fair to your sister, she will be hurt. Good luck and be strong x
CommentAuthorsussie
LK I nearly put that, lol
CommentAuthorkirstyless
Haha I agree with LK!!
CommentAuthorclbronze
Exactly what I was going to say Xbox widow- she sounds massively jealous! You definately either need to sit her down and give her a strong talking to, whilst saying that you value her input but that organising your wedding is important to you (with or without slap), or maybe you should just cut her out and save yourself the stress!
Met Paul on 01.06.08
Marrying him on 01.06.12
CommentAuthorLauraP77
Thank guys. I wish I had the balls to give her a slap! hahaha!!
Me and mum have had a sit down and a chat about the cake. My mum's been baking and decorating cakes for years, but as a hobby nothing professional so I thought it would of been nice that she baked it and then my friend decorated it. You see, when I spoke to my friend about this at the beginning she was up for it. Xbox you're probably right about her wanting to make the whole thing, but she knew that my mum was going to bake it. So I don't know what her problem is. Well anyway, me and mum are going to make the whole thing ourselves. I'm quite creative when it comes to things like that, so I think between the two of us we can make it work. My OH even said that on the day if someone says .. aww your cake is nice who made it, I can say it was me and my mum. He said that he thinks people will appreciate it a little bit more too. So that's the plan :)
My OH is getting really annoyed with her too. He said he can handle her to a certain extent, but when she crosses that line he's going to say something to her himself. Hopefully, I'll have sorted it out my self before it comes round to that. He said that he is a little worried for my sake too. He says she thinks she is some kind of superstar and struts in everywhere she goes. So he's a little concerned that on the day she is going to out shine me and try and be centre of attention, where OH has said it's all about me and him, not her. He's said that when and if we get to the point of looking at bridesmaid dresses, not to get a revealing one. Something with straps and not showing too much cleavage. Reason being and I completely agree with him on this... me I'm a size 8. My sis, cousin and Nat are all size 10's with not a lot of boob, so basically I would say we look like ironing boards lol, but she is a 10/12 with huge (enhanced :|) boobs. From OH's point of view, he said I need to make sure that they are not on show as they'll be in everyone face the whole day. Bless him, at least he's honest. But to be fair, she does make them very noticable so it was in my mind anyways.
I'm going to have a chat with her at some point, but not just yet. She's made no effort over the past two weeks to get in touch not even as a friend. I can then monitor how she behaves etc. My sister and Aunty have both said why dont you just say you can't afford to have her in the bridal party due to the budget and that only family are goig to be bridesmaids. The thing with say that though, is Nat is not family. She's like the sister my OH never had.. so I know for a fact she'll turn around and say that.
She is a very jealous person, so I think it's a case of her green eyed monster breaking out some more. I mean a year and a half ago we both entered a competition to become Miss Tantra (a saucy bar in Nottingham) I won the first heat and was through to the final, but she pulled a massive strop and asked if she could re-enter for the 4th heat. She then made it to the final, and some how ended up coming 3rd. Now, not for one minute did I pull a tantrum, I was happy for her. But that's just me.
Thanks everyone for your comments though, it helps to get your opinions. Just writing this all out has lifted a weight off my shoulders. I just got to grow some balls (thanks xbox, hehe!!) and tell her exactly how I feel when the time is right.
