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Wedding Forum - Bridesmaid help!!...

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    • IsabellaH69
      Getting married in 21 months
      Posted: Sep 8th 2020
    myself and 4 others are going to be bridesmaids for a wedding being planned in under 7 months!! I am being asked to buy my own MUSTARD coloured bridesmaid dress, (every bridesmaid will wear a different dress to their choice but the same colour sort of). Were now also being asked to buy matching cream shoes to the brides choice, a pashmina, a hair piece, stay at accommodation the night before and switch hotel the night after because the venue is booked up and also pay for a weekend away hen do. the other bridesmaids haven't commented on this extra cost and the hassle of moving from one hotel to another that day, infant they've stuck to being people pleasers and saying how everything is great, but I don't think I'm the only one that feels frustrated.

    We've also been heavily warned that it is out the question to miss any of the wedding even though its before the next annual leave term therefore I am relying on shuffling my days off to go to this wedding as I have already delegated my annual leave.

    The venue is beautiful at a big price tag and it seems were all funding the extras for the brides dream because she's rushing to get married in 7 months and have a show off day to impress her family. she has even said she can't afford her wedding dress and will be asking family members to either buy it or donate to it. I'm surprised she doesn't wait a year until she can afford it all.

    I myself am about to move out and will be paying for my own wedding soon, this wedding is going to be costing me roughly £300-400 just for being chosen as a bridesmaid, I don't want to sound petty about having to buy a dress and all the extras but the colour looks awful on me, I'd never wear it again and its all the rest we are expected to buy!

    Any advice out there, I feel awful but I really don't want to have to deal with all of this expense in such a short time frame! I am close to the bride, but she keeps putting off meeting up with me, not seen her since well before lockdown, I feel i need to discuss this in person rather than via messenger.
    • BryonyEminson2Be
      Got married 2 months ago
      Posted: Oct 27th 2020
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
    I definitely think you need to talk to her about this - and you are right it would be better to do it face to face.

    I will be honest and say that my bridesmaids are paying for their own dresses, but I am paying for everything else - all their accessories, hair, makeup etc. Also I did speak to each of them about this and offered to pay if they weren't able to.

    I would ask the bride if you can talk - be really clear that it's important she talk to you so hopefully she won't put it off any more- and gently let her know that you are worried about paying for everything she has asked you to pay for. Be honest with her about how you feel but try not to let the conversation lead to anger or you will both walk away feeling upset and probably without resolving the actual issue.

    Decide what's most important to you before you speak to her - the colour of the dress, the cost of the dress, paying for the additional bits - and be prepared to make some concessions. If the colour of the dress is important to you then tell her you are willing to pay for the dress but ask that you have a more flattering colour (perhaps a slightly different shade), if the costs are more important tell her that you would be willing to pay for some but not all the costs.

    I hope this helps, let us know how you get on.

    And my soul saw yours and said
    "oh, I have been looking for you"
    we met 07/09/2004. we loved 28/02/2012
    we'll marry- 14.08.2021
    • C.C.
      Getting married in 33 months
      Posted: Nov 6th 2020
    Hey is your friend by chance from America? That is where I usually hear the Bridesmaids pay their own dress, flight, etc.
    My friend and I just were on chat last night and I told her of the rough plans and outline, and how I am trying to save up to get every bridesmaid their items, and then the accommodation for the week prior. They're already taking off work and paying for flight so I just want them there, (but she keeps saying no no we usually pay).

    I think each person has their own way of doing a wedding, this happens to benefit the girls and keep a weight off their shoulders.
    As much as having my opinion to be the most important say (paying for it solidifies my asks 100x more).

    If you don't like the color is the dress a popular brand to sell after? That is always an option.
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