Right... My OH has a 15 year old daughter who is due to be my bridesmaid. Me and my partner have been together 5 years nearly and in that 5 years we have not exactly seen eye to eye, even though it was her mum that left her dad for another man she sees me as taking her dad away from her. Anyway I have tried to make her feel welcome when she come but she just isn't interested, she goes home to her mums and make rubbish up to make me look bad. Yesterday she has gone to her nanas (OH's mum) and told her rubbish about me ignoring her when she came the other day. His mum has been to ours today and brought up what she has told her, we obviously put her straight that it's lies and it turns out that she does it all the time. Anyway to cut a long short my OH has questioned his daughter to find out what she actually thinks about me and she has told him she hates me, she won't be there for the bride on the day just for the groom her dad. OH told her do you think it is right to be someones bridesmaid if you hate the bride, she said she is doing it for her dad. I am 50 / 50 on this and will have her as my bridesmaid for my OH but he doesn't agree that I should be put in a situation where I have a bridesmaid that hates me and have to get ready and have hair and makeup and photos with her. What are your thoughts on this would you put up with OH's daughter as a bridesmaid or turn her down??
Help!!!!! Xx
CommentAuthorSianyCaitlin
I would turn her down!! There's no way I'd have a brat as a BM, whether she was OH's daughter or not! Now you know the truth about how she feels, if she's there when you're getting ready etc, won't you feel uncomfortable? & she will probably refuse to help anyway! I'd definitely sack her xx
Got together 06/07/2009
Got engaged 16/07/2012
I marry my best friend 08/06/2014
Can't wait to be Mrs Sharp x
CommentAuthorKatya
have you thought about taking her out for some shopping (bridesmaids dress trying on, accessory window shopping, etc) and a meal out? have a good old natter just the two of you? if it doesnt work then i think that is your answer, but if it does... then well... it works...
Find out who you are & do it on purpose!
CommentAuthorJennifer84
I agree with your partner. It's you who will have to spent the most time with her and if she isn't willing to help you out, which is a bridesmaid's job, then I don't see the point in her being a bridesmaid. She'll probably cause problems which you don't need on your wedding day! Xx
CommentAuthorRachaelC84
We have been dress shopping just the 2 of us, she is a very difficult person to talk to cause you just get yes and no answers.i let her choose the dress and shoes, then have just told my chief bridesmaid this is the dress and these are your shoes, just so she felt involved it everything but it's not good enough. It does hurt to know she hates me, cause I have tried. It is difficult to try with someone who I know can't stand me. I text her a lot to send pictures of hair ideas and makeup ideas but don't know y I bother. Really don't know what to do.xx
I think that this is a really tricky situation.. but she is old enough to be a bit more mature and try and accept your relationship with her dad. Now my feelings are that she should be a bridesmaid for you not her dad and if she can't do that then she shouldn't be one at all. My OHs dad got married 2 years ago and although OHs sister is a little older she was not asked to bridesmaid and if she was asked she would say no because she didn't want to be in a situation where she had to be bridesmaid for someone who she is not a fan of (this situation is a little different as her dad left her mum for the woman he was marrying). My point is I think your bridal party should be people who love you and will help you on the day of your wedding. x
XxX
CommentAuthorChanelP
You are trying and all I can say is as she gets older she will realise :) hopefully time will mean that your relationship gets stronger.
XxX
CommentAuthorsarah
She's a teenager and is dealing with hormones and whatever other personal things going on in her life. I'd try not to take what she says too personally. She may be rubbishing you to others because she may think that is what she is supposed to do to show loyalty to her mom. Or she may just be hormonal and hate the world. There are a million and one possibilities and I have a feeling the majority of them have little to do with you personally. I personally wouldn't demote or fire her. I just wouldn't expect her to be interested and involved either. I know it's hard but I have a feeling if she gets kicked out of the wedding things could get much worse.
CommentAuthorChanelP
I agree with what Sarahkeet is saying and hormones are probably a factor but if you ask her to be honest about whether she wants to be a bridesmaid or not.. is there not a possibility that she gets ready with her dad so that she is with her dad on the morning of the wedding?
XxX
CommentAuthorsarah
Chanel I think you made a good point there. If she wants to be with her dad on the day then it's probably a good way to get her involved without causing more stress and trouble for you.
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
I know a girl who had real trouble accepting her mum's new partner (her dad died when she was small), and felt like he was stealing her mum. Unfortunately she turned out to be right, he became very controlling and eventually abusive, and is now convicted of assault and under a restraining order. Obviously you are now stealing him but she might be scared that you will. She might also be trying to find a target for the anger that she feels over the break-up without targeting the parents she loves. Or it may be that your wedding is forcing her to accept that her parents will never get back together. It's a huge change for her. Do you have any interests in common that you could bond over? You may just need a heart to heart with her, maybe with her dad there too.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
Whoops awful typo! "Obviously you are NOT stealing him". Sorry!
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorRachaelC84
It is very tricky, I have tried so hard to get on with her, she always knew her parents would not get back together and she handled it very good. She just generally doesn't like me, she is so jealous of me. Me and OH had a daughter together 3 years ago and you would think she would be jealous of her but there is not an ounce of jealousy with the pair of them it's all me. I don't want a bridesmaid getting ready somewhere else, that would feel wrong, all bridesmaids going in the same car, and there would be nobody to do her hair or makeup. It would be a shame if she stood down as a bridesmaid, but it just seems wrong and uncomfortable having someone there who doesn't like me.xx
CommentAuthorChanelP
edited
It is a difficult situation I really think that you should talk it through with your OH and be honest. At the end of the day he is her dad and I know that if it was me my dad would tell me to snap out of it and I probably would have had a good hiding too when i was 15. The thing is she seems to "hate" you with no good reason. I can understand why you feel that the bridesmaids should be with you.
XxX
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
Turn her down! Selfish madam! She's 15 and should know better...
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorRachaelC84
The more I think about it, the more it upsets me. I cant believe she has said she wont be interested in the bride on the day, just the groom. We are spending a lot of money on her dress, shoes and accessories nearly £500. It just seems a farse and really upset about the whole thing. I have friends who would of loved to have being my bridesmaid but said we were having my OH daughter. Which they understand. I dont know whether to send her a text explaining everything. My OH spoke with his ex wife last night about the whole situation and she is under the impression that I am not a welcoming person. He said you ar eonly judging that on what you have been told. He said if I was not welcoming and made his daughter feel uncomfortable he would stamp it out but it isnt me it is his daughter. I just dont know what to do for the best, if I have her as a bridesmaid I will feel abit disapointed on the day that I have got a bridesmaid who doesnt care about my feelings and if I dont have her as a bridesmaid I dont think she will fall out with her Dad. She text him last night and said I cant believe you have chosen her over me, he explained to her that his relationship to her is a different type he has with me, a different love he feels and is so unfare of her to say he has chose me over her. Things are just getting messy and dont think any of us now what to do for the best. xx
CommentAuthorLittleMissWorry
I think giving her the role of 'groomsmaid' would be perfect. She can spend some quality time with her Dad planning stuff beforehand, and be there for him on the wedding day, hopefully that will make her feel special and that she's still important to him. As the roles are now, it may imply to her that the only woman of any importance to him is you. I know its not true, but she's a teenager, and sensitive about such things. The money you've spent on her outfit also won't be wasted!
CommentAuthorShazk
It is a very hard one and i can understand where u are with this my H2b children i get on fine wiht youngest butt he eldest we dont see eye to eye and although after a big fall out and talk we are getting better than we were if he had said that to me i would be telling him that he isnt part of the wedding!!
I do think if you both feel she should be part of the day then let her get ready with dad but i dont see why u both should pay that amount of money when she clearly isnt going to be greatful or enjoy it xx
I think that she needs a good talking to about things she is clearly upset and hurt by her dad and u and maybe she doesnt realise taht actually all u both want for her is the best and just because he with u doesnt mean he doesnt love them etc and that ur the mean step mum etc maybe u & OH need to have a talk with her xxx
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthorKimD7
I have a 9 yr old step daughter who will at times ignore me and it can be a total nightmare. She has spoken to my daughters who are 11 and 6 and stated her mum hates me so she can't like me. This broke my heart as to feel this is awful as we do actually get on well together. The problem is not actually my step daughter but her mother .
I wonder whether the issue is not you as a person but that she is jealous you get her dad all the time and she doesn't. At 15 it can be easy to say she needs to grow up and I agree but at the same time the part of her that is that hurt little girl when dad left is still there and that needs to be dealt with.
Maybe some straight and honest talking needs to be done with her in a neutral place where you and your H2B can talk about your feelings about how she is behaving, how your husband felt leaving her and still feels at not living with her and where she can be honest and try to explain why she feels so upset about you. Could be she has some serious misplaced anger that you are getting instead of other people.
I wish you all the best xx
It doesn't matter the reason her dad left but the fact he did and maybe in her mind if her dad loved her enough he would have found a way to stay.
At 15 she has ro accept the can not behave this way and a relationship with you is a 2 way thing.
CommentAuthorKimD7
I meant at 15 she has to accept she can not behave this way and a relationship with you is a two way thing.
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
id stop bothering hun ... its upsetting you way more than her .... i would give her a do you want to be MY bridesmaid ?...and tell her it has to be a yes/no answer
