Oh my gosh. Was just talking to my bridesmaid on facebook chat (she's in America) and she said something about make up and I said my mum had wanted to get a professional. She was like oh, if that's what you wanted. I thought I was doing it. I said my mum had wanted the professional because they have really high quality stuff and it lasts all day etc. And she said that she was really angry because she'd spent ages thinking of ideas for hair and make up and we'd gone to Benefit together to get ideas and it was fine, just get a professional because she clearly wasn't good enough.
I said to her to calm down for f's sake because I hadn't said we'd made any decisions and i certainly didn't say she wasn't good enough. And she said she was so angry with me and she needed a few days to calm down and I'd just demoted her from MOH because she wasn't going to do the planning I expected her to etc.
I'm at a loss for words. I had no idea she felt that way about it!
And she now just sent me a message saying I was out of line, I need a new bridesmaid and she wants nothing more to do with me. :'(
CommentAuthorerica the army wag
awww god well hun some friend she is then weddings cause some agro tbh lol xxxx i wouldnt worry urself im sure she will be in touch with you xxx
CommentAuthorMrs (Dove) Pidgeon
Shes angry because you want to treat her? Mmmmmmm....
Hopefully she'll calm down soon.
Now a extremely happy German housewife and now a Mother!!!!
Islay Jean born 24th June in Hannover.
CommentAuthorPossum
She's angry because she put effort in and I didn't realise. She's blocked me on facebook now - how petty! I can barely breathe for crying now :(
CommentAuthorMrs Steer
I hope for your sake she see's sense and that it is your wedding, your choices. Im really sorry to hear that a friend could do this to you xx
Is now happily married to my gorgeous man
11-06-11
I'm sure when she calms down she'll see she's been a bit of hot-head!! Hard to give advice when you don't know exactly what was said, but if she means a lot to you, maybe you could send her a message saying that you're sorry, you didn't realise how excited she was about helping out in that way and you thought it might be nice to be able to have a pampering session together on your big day rather then letting her do all the work! I'm sure when she sees it from this perspective she'll be apologising too! Hope you work it out hun xx
CommentAuthorsarahwasabride
awww no im sorry to hear that hun hope she calms down in time xxx
CommentAuthorvintage lass
What a nightmare....its usually the other way around- bm cannt be bothered! Never really thought about the hassle it would cause if you had one that wanted to do stuff lol!!!
Bm's are generally pain in the butts hun (talking from experience) mine is a practicing beautician and has yet to even offer to do our make up!!!! Take my advice and nip in in the bud now.....she needs to understand that its your day hun and she really has no control over final decisions etc! It is nice that she is so upset (if that makes sense) as she is so willing to help but at the end of the day you dont want to have any regrets or panic leading up to the day!!!! xxx
CommentAuthorPossum
She emailed callum and said she'd done so much and 'this is how I repay her'. What the hell?!?! And that I have to find a new bridesmaid. Well she shot herself in the foot there - she's not welcome. It's stupid - we've not even done planning and stuff. She's so immature too. Sick of it. I'm so so hurt!
CommentAuthorerica the army wag
awww hun you will be hurt i cant believe the way shes gone on with you do people forget this day and age that beng asked in my eyes to be a bridesmaid is a very special thing i think so people take it for granted and dont be too hurt hun u have done absolutly nothing wrong u asked a special friend to play a very big role in both ur ADULT lives u were thinking of spoiling her rotten and shes took the huff xxxx
CommentAuthorPossum
I actually can't stop crying :'( Callum is running me a bath. He's so sweet, and I'm lucky I have him
CommentAuthorerica the army wag
you are hun i think anyone in your position would be crying and feeling so hurt xx
CommentAuthorvintage lass
Judging from your last post hun it sounds to me like shes wanting alot of the attention to be focused on her...me me me!!!!! Whenever you start to do your planning (and lets say she was involved) she would appear to be the type that would take great pleasure telling your guests etc that she pretty much organized your entire wedding.
No bride 2b should be made to feel the way you are.....does these bms etc not seem to realise that planning a wedding is soooooo stressful that there little hissy fits should be kept under control?....Sounds to me that your better off without hun.....in fact if you dont reply or repond to her tantrums itll probably hurt her even more than she's not getting any attention xxxx
CommentAuthorWawa
aww hunni i no exactly how u feel about bm trouble i have one myself and se has come round and apologised to megive her a few days have a lovely soak and glassof wine and if h2b that good take advantage of the pampering a bit early and get him to give u a back massage take deep breath and im hoping for your sake she will come round and realise.
CommentAuthorPossum
Hehe I'm just staying away from her until she comes back. And she will. Because I'm the best friend she has! She likes the drama - she breaks up with guys for not offering to pay etc. And always always exaggerates what she does for people and forgets all that they do to her - like when she emailed Callum. I do at least as much for her as she does for me!!
I had a bath made for me then we went walking around to look at foxes :) Feel a bit better but still crazy upset. Thanks for all of the support xxx
CommentAuthorerica the army wag
aww hun ur right xxx big huggs xx
CommentAuthorDrunchPunk
So sorry Possum! But if as you say she's the type of person who breaks up with guys cos they don't offer to pay (wtf??) then she sounds like a complete drama queen. I have a BM drama queen, but she knows she gets short shrift when she acts up with me around - over about 12 years she's learned not to bother! Best way is to let them realise on their own how unreasonable they're being. Be calm, don't let yourself be dragged into an argument about it. It's YOUR wedding! If she started insisting on your colour scheme you'd tell her to b utt out yes? Opinions are welcome, demands are not.
Hope your bath was good :)
CommentAuthorPossum
Yeah, I started thinking about it last night and thought it was almost laughable - you put work into planning something and your friend doesn't realise and suggests something else. Apologises when they do realise, then instead of saying you need a few days away, you don't ever want to see them again? I think I was right to tell her to grow up! xx
CommentAuthordebs x
I didnt realise how much aggro weddings do cause people, ive heard some horrendous stories on here of how people let you down, and dont consider other peoples feelings at all - no wonder couples used to elope to Gretna Green lol, she will come round like you say with her tail between her legs, weve just had a similar thing though not as bad H2b's stag do is on the 7th and nearly half his so called mates are now whining about not having any money, they have known about it for ages so he is just going with the ones that can be bothered - does annoy you though when you spend so much on your wedding to cater for everyone and they cant do a little thing back x
CommentAuthorPossum
To be fair to her she has put a lot of work in. But it is a massive overreaction to break off contact with someone because they said they'd get a professional in to do make up and hadn't realised the bridesmaid felt strongly about doing it! Its weird because she's been away, so its not like we've been discussing weddings much at all for a month!
CommentAuthordebs x
I know what you mean its just like you can never please everyone no matter how you try, im sure she will get in contact once shes calmed down a bit and I hope your feeling better about it too - dont let anything or anybody spoil your day x
CommentAuthorRelfy
oh hun.... thats so bad.... it doesnt matter how much she has helped, it doesnt giver her the right to tell you what you should be doing for your wedding..... shes obviously got her knickers in a twist for no reason.... i agree with the others, dont rise to it and leave her to get on with it.... at some point she will come grovling back to try and reclaim her title... i personally would tell her to shove it lol..... big hugs xx
CommentAuthorEma
Let her cool off, if she likes to be the center of attention then she will soon realize that being your MOH will give her plenty attention! She has overreacted, maybe she is feeling a bit embarrassed about making such a drama and is letting it all die down. I hope it all works itself out, don't loose sleep over it chick xxx
CommentAuthordiddy-ragdoll
sounds like she has a bad case of PMT hun am sure she will calm down soon, benifit makeup is amazing tho i use it all the time :) x
CommentAuthorlulu83x
omg i cant believe that, ok shes upset but to say she is not coming at all and wants nothing to do with u?! how harsh is that. She was your maid of honour and she gets a hot head over make up? sorry hun xx i hope u sort it xxx :)
CommentAuthorPossum
Thanks everyone, yeah lulu, that was my reaction, after I stopped crying!! I'm just going to ignore the situation entirely :) Apart from on here xx
CommentAuthorCupCake
Sending hugs your way hunni .... what a nightmare! hope it gets sorted out the way you want it to x
Became Mrs Lyons 30th July 2011 x
CommentAuthorJane
OMG..... well its times like this you find out who your true friends are! How silly of her. Her loss eh? xx
CommentAuthorMagsy
big hugs xx
CommentAuthorfee21
thats not a friendly thing to do to you babes.. i really hope she comes around to the idea and apologises to you for being so damn rude!! chin up huni xxx
CommentAuthorPossum
She better had do! She called me out of line...come on! I don't see where I was out of line. She has a marvellous ability as seeing herself as someone who does a lot for others but never thinks that they give back to her, at least as much as she gives!!! And she also manages to not see her fault in anything. When she breaks up with guys they have always been awful to her and stuff - but she is as bad back to them! Grrrrr
CommentAuthorPossum
Grrr I am still feeling so angry! any idea where I can direct this anger and cope with it? argh!
CommentAuthorerica the army wag
go to the gym and do some serious sparing lol x
CommentAuthorPossum
I wish I could, I'm not well enough to exercise just now. Grrr stupid girl!
CommentAuthorNicci
Awwww this sounds like an awful situation to be in and to be honest if she had treated me in that way, even if she did calm down and say sorry I wouldn't have her back in the bridal party! I have no time for people like that. Ok she says she's put alot of effort into it but did she actually tell you about these things because im guessing your not a mind reader?! Im sure had you have known you would have been very honoured she would help so much!
Just ignore her, she'll soon realise what a pathetic drama queen she's being-the only person who is allowed to act like that is the bride! lol
And the reason your still so mad is because you did nothing wrong :D
CommentAuthorPossum
Heh Nicci - I know! I was so obviously not out of line, like she said! I do know she's put a lot of effort in, but I had no idea how much she had thought about make-up and so on! Its her 21st in a few days - I'm not going to the party. Even if she does apologise. I think the best thing would be to ask her how can I guarantee that she's not going to blow up again if I don't like her make up ideas, or if something happens she doesn't like? I'd be happy to have her back, but I don't want her to do the same thing 2 weeks before the wedding. xxx
CommentAuthordolly
its your wedding not hers! your be better off without her if shes going to act like that!! you have too much to stress to deal with without drama queen bridesmaids! thats not fair to make you feel bad when its your choice! dont change your mind!!!
CommentAuthordolly
ps. you look absoulty amazing in your dress!!!
CommentAuthorPossum
Awww thank you! Have a good stone and a half to lose though. I'm nosy now - checking h2b's facebook to see if she's messaged him again, or if he's replied to her. She actually blocked me from seeing her on there, how childish is that?!
CommentAuthordolly
dont let her treat u like that and get away with it... i would never ever fall out with a bridesmaid like that in the whole time i have known them, shes attention seeking she will only cause more drama on the day, ditch her, she sounds so selfish!
CommentAuthorNicci
I agree your dress is beautiful! We can all be childish but she sounds very immature! Could she maybe be jealous? Haha im proper nosey too-id be doing the same thing, id go one step futher and messege her via h2bs facey! lol She'd get a shock!
CommentAuthorNicci
I totally agree with dolly :)
CommentAuthorPossum
I just want to be mature about it and let her come to me. And if she does want to be my bridesmaid again, I'll have to say I appreciate how much work she's put in but I really don't know if I can trust her to not go off on one again. I have nooo idea who else I would ask. It isn't like I have a million female friends who are coming to the ceremony, and the 2 I would think of both know about this, and would know I was asking them because someone else messed up. I only had 2 bridesmaids to begin with, so missing one will be really obvious! x
CommentAuthorNicci
You wouldnt have to be immature when mailing her you could just have your say as you were clearly not allowed to do so, then she can make her mind up. That way you can tell her what you expect from her as a bridesmaid and atlest then you no that if she does come crawling back-it's on YOUR terms. I only have two bridesmaids also but it wouldnt bother me just having 1-my friend had 14 the other week and it looked awful, everyone commented how cluttered it looked
