so i would like all you lovely ladies opinion on this situation...sorry if it drags on but this is a bit of a rant.

I have a best friend who has been been for around 6 years we've been through loads together etc etc so it was always a given that if either of us got married that we would be bridesmaids to each other. she had a baby 2 years ago with her partner and since he was born its been a struggle for them both trying to meet the rent on time and paying bills etc and iv lent them money to get their electric put back on etc so they couldn't afford to have a baby.... anyways........

not long before i got engaged last june she mentioned to me that her and her partner were maybe considering trying for another baby which i did say its silly that they couldn't afford it but she said they didn't want to leave a huge gap between kids.

so when i got engaged in june i was obviously very excited and so was she and my first thought was for her to be one of my bridesmaids (1 of 3) but i knew she had mentioned a few months before that she had wanted to have another baby so i was honest with her and said that i would love her to be a bridesmaid but if she wanted to have another baby that i didn't really want to have a heavily pregnant person in my photos (and i know some of you will think I'm shallow for this but the main reason was the cost for the dress alterations for etc as it cost my cousin a fortune in alterations for one of her bridesmaids and i knew she wouldn't have the money to be able to contribute) and also if she did have a baby before the wedding she probably wouldn't be able to make it anyway with having a new born, so she said she totally understood and she would let me know.

well we all went out for dinner and she said that her and her partner had talked about it and had decided they were going to wait to try and get pregnant mainly because of money but also she wanted to be there for my hen night and most importantly stand up the front with me, which i was delighted about (even if she had decided to try i still would of been just as happy for her) she said that it only meant them waiting another 6 months anyway because our wedding is in september they could always try in august time so she wouldn't be really showing and she could still go to my hen so it all sounded like it worked out fine.

so fast forward a few weeks ago and i went bridesmaid shopping with all 3 of them and we chose dresses from a wedding boutique priced at £180 each she loved the dress etc etc.......

so onto what happened yesterday i was meant to be meeting her for lunch today so txt her yesterday to just check we were still on and she said ''yes of course I'm looking forward to it, i was in the hospital last night and i saw a guy that we knew from a few years ago'' tbh i didn't care about who the person was i was more concerned why she was in the hospital (thinking something had happened to her little boy) so i said ''more importantly why were you in hospital'' i got back ''i had stomach pains they wanted me to stay in overnight but i decided not to, i have to go back in for more tests'' so i said ''tests for what? what do they think it is?'' she said ''they don't know'' i said as a joke ''you aren't pregnant are you? lol'' i didn't get a reply for 6 hours.....so i messaged her after the 6 hours with a question mark and she replied straight away saying ''yes i am hun, but they said its not the baby thats causing the pains'' i congratulated her and said i thought you were going to wait until closer/after the wedding she said ''yes we were but decided to just try anyway''

so firstly I'm really annoyed that instead of pre warning me they were doing this she comes along and lets me pay for a dress that is non refundable as they get made to order and mine have already started to be made (she knew she was pregnant when we were getting the dresses she's 9 weeks gone now)
i feel she could of lied to me to spare my feelings and said it was an accident and it just happened.

they dont have 2 pennys to rub together so I'm now out of pocket for the dress which she doesn't seem to give 2 hoots about or do i say i want the money back for the dress?
i dont have anyone else i can ask to be bridesmaid so now i have a dress going to waste.
she hasn't even apologised for putting me out and her due date is the day after the wedding so she will be probably too heavily pregnant to come and be too uncomfortable which i understand but then she shouldnt of fed me all the bull of going to hang on to get pregnant.
and it was the way she told me, she could of waited to tell me to my face then in a txt so bluntly.
do i have a right to be annoyed? how about the money for the dress?

she has sent me some jokey pics and snap chats today acting like everything is ok but i really feel its not i dont want to talk to her atm over this like I'm really hurt and upset.

so over to you ladies......what do you think? what would you guys do??

xx

Is there anyone who can step in instead of her, or depending on how she carries, would she be able to still do it? I know you said you don't want a heavily pregnant woman in the photos, you get married in 6 months, she may only have small bump then, unless of course she is already 3 months gone. Also, what is the dress like? Is it figure hugging or could she get away with it if it is flowing?

I think if you don't tell her a little of how you feel, it will always be there under the skin bubbling away.. think you should say to her, that your really happy that she is pregnant again and congrats e.t.c but It would of been great to know before we bought the bridesamaids dresses, and that you not quite sure what to do about it all now especially as your due date is day after the wedding , and see what she says back. See what her plan is with regards to it all then take it from there. good luck, its unfair she let you buy the dress while knowing all along that she wont be able to fit into it ..

flossie, i dont think she is annoyed at the fact her friend is pregnant and clashing with the wedding, she clearly explains why she is upset, her friend knew she was pregnant when she let her pay £180 for a dress she quite obviously won't be able to wear, sure it is very early on, but tbh, I would have found a way around that if I didnt want to announce my pregnacny just yet, i would still say, look maybe it is for the best that i stand down as actually, we have thought about it, and we want to try now. It doesn't seem like OP was saying you must wait til after the wedding, her friend (it seems) was happy enough to wait 6 months, i mean, afteral, what is 6 months really? before starting to try.

If my best mate told me she was getting married and it was within the year I would want to be able to enjoy all the build up to it, the hen do and the wedding without being a fat miserable lump like i was my last pregnancy and i would happily put that off for a few months. Which, Im guessing, her friend seemed happy to do at the time as well.

I can see why you are annoyed hun, £180 is a LOT of money and it was a totally avoidable expenditure

Velcro, I was picking out the bit where she said she wouldn't want the bump in the photographs.

I'm with you 100% about the money for the dress. X

Donna I was trying for our last baby and I didn't know I was pregnant that being said we were being relaxed about it and not testing every time or doing ovulation tests etc and we had been trying for 9 months. It depends on how they were trying if she would know or not but yes the chances are she did know and if she did then that is wrong because she would have known her expected date.

I also think you should tell her how you feel disappointed. Your not a bad person for feeling the way you do its perfectly natural

Flossie! I couldn't agree more! x

In fact I honestly think if I was trying for a baby and knew I was a bridesmaid and the bride was shopping for dresses about 7 months before the wedding I would actually take a test before dress shopping, as then if it came up negative I would know that even if I fell pregnant in the next couple of months I wouldn't be as heavily pregnant and would be easier for a dress to be altered.

If she's going to be due the day after the wedding, I honestly can't see her making the wedding unless the baby comes early.... or at least not being able to be a bridesmaid. I was 3 weeks early with my son and up to the point where I had him I couldn't cope having a day on my feet :/ I can't imagine what I would have been like if I'd gone to 40 weeks... but then I suppose saying that I remember my sister going shopping with me on her due date, so everyone is different... she did look like a big ball though bless her and gave all the shop assistants a fright when they asked when she was due and she said today

thank you for all your comments and feedback, like i said if she just fell pregnant by accident then i would be surprised and happy for her but she hasn't she actively tried to get pregnant and has after i bought the dress and i agree if someone is trying they might not want to tell everyone but this girl we tell each other everything so it wasn't a big secret that they wanted another baby hence why i brought it up when i got engaged and she said 6 months wasn't long to wait to start trying so its fine. also when some of you have commented on getting pregnant is more important and if it happens you need to cherish it etc well my friend has had a abortion in the past with the same guy because she couldn't afford a baby so they have never had a issue with fertility or getting pregnant.
she has said she cant afford to pay for the dress with the baby on the way now. the boutique have told me that they cant refund me as they are made to order and the they've been started and i dont know how i can sell just one size 6 bridesmaid dress by itself :-\

i think I'm just going to distance myself from her for a while, i spoke to my sister in law today and she completely agreed with me and said she would be furious if her best friend did that to her after saying she would wait etc.
im so hurt and feel so let down I'm contemplating not even inviting her because i feel a true friend doesn't let someone down like that.
but i do stress if it was an accident the situation would be completely different but its the fact she said that they decide to try anyway and she came off the pill that annoyed me, she could of given me the heads up that she was coming off the pill and i wouldn't of paid and ordered her dress or like some of you had said make an excuse why to step down or something,
also she has admitted she knew she was pregnant while we were dress shopping hence why I'm even more furious with her.

xx

tbh flossie when you put it like that i can see that maybe I'm just so angry that i need to cool down before making any decisions.

she has said that she cant afford to pay me back and that i should understand that she needs the money for baby stuff. and i think this will always be a big elephant in the room in the future for our friendship. it just sucks because this will change everything now for us.

i just feel so let down at the moment, i know it makes me come across as a bit of a bridezilla! ha
xx

You're not coming across as a bridezilla at all, you have every right to feel upset and let down.. I think any of us would feel the same. We might not admit that things would upset us, but until you experience a situation, you might not know how it will make you feel or react! x

Im sorry you friend has done this to you and on purpose so it seems, it seems she let you spend your precious money on an item that would not be used, that was wrong of her, i would write her a letter explaining how you feel and why you are so upset, of course your happy for your friend but not the way she went about it when lying to you, friends don't do that, so you are well within your rights to be angry at her, i think deep down for you, its more about her friendship towards you and your lack of trust towards her now as she cant do that and expect no come back from it.

She has no right to say that you should understand she can't afford to pay you back for the dress as she is pregnant, she should understand that you can't afford to pay for a dress that she knew she wouldn't fit in at the time of you buying it.

I'm actually a little mad for you so I can understand how you must be feeling.

Although I agree with flossie that it's just money and is it worth losing a friend over, I can't help but wonder if this is one of those one sided friendships anyway :/ it seems you have lent her money or given her money in the past and she clearly has no respect for you or your money if she happily let you spend that on something that is now useless...

I think have a bit of time to cool off and see how you feel...

Bride2B28, do you have any photos of the dress and what colour is it? You'd be surprised how many people would want just one bridesmaid dress. A lot of the weddings I've been to in the last few years there's been 1 bridesmaid/maid of honour and that was it. x

I'd be so angry if this happened. Like you said yourself, it would be different if she got pregnant by accident but to basically lie to you by saying she was happy to wait after you said she wouldn't be a bridesmaid if she got pregnant. Seems like she wants all but doesn't care about consequences. Like you lending her money before and not paying it back. And then to not care that you have forked out £180 when you are in a really difficult financial position is awful. The least she could do is give you a little towards it...

the only thing i can see she has done wrong is let you buy the dress knowing she is pregnant you can't be mad at her for wanting to expand her family thats her choice whether she struggles with money or not and as for saying you don't want a bump on your photos how ridiculously shallow are you? if you care about this friend enough for her to be a bridesmaid in the first place then she should be a bridesmaid no matter what shape or size or extra parts come with her... i'd definitely have words with her about the money for the dress even if you just suggest she pays for the alterations to it if you're seriously considering not even inviting her then she clearly didnt mean that much to you in the first place and if i were you i think i'd need to reconsider what i thought the word "friend" actually meant sorry if this is harsh but to me if my friends are good enough to be bridesmaids no amount of money spent or wasted on them would make me think otherwise my friends are more like sisters to me and i'd just accommodate another little bump or baby into my big day to make them happy

I know for a fact my best mate would not let me waste £180 knowing fine well she wouldn't be able to wear it and then to refuse to reimburse the cost, I just think the bridesmaid in question has behaved really shittily, friends don't do that to friends ESPECIALLY when they too are financially struggling.