Well, this may turn into a bit of a rant - so apologies.... My BM is one of my closest mates and my oldest friend. She agreed to be my BM a whole year ago. We chose the dresses together etc and after saying she wants a size 12 dress (it was a little too tight) i bought it as it was a very good price and exactly what i wanted. She said it would be a great incentive for her to lose a few lbs, So time has gone on, she has put on some weight , i didnt want to stress her out about it, or myself so i actually bought a size up to a 14. After checking in with her a few times i notice that shes put even more weight on, she asks me how i lost my weight and what did i do etc and if i could help her. So i tried, but you know the old saying...you can lead a horse to water...but cant make it drink it. Well ...hmmm totally! I cannot do anymore, the problem is not so much the fact she has put on weight, course not, the issue here is that she has had a whole year to sort it as she says she will do ......but clearly hasnt, sh had assured me she will sort herself out (initially it was her with the weight issue not me!) but after failed attempts to help her, i get a text saying she needs a quick fix as shes done sod all to lose any weight and cant get her head sorted out to be bothered! Am i wrong to feel upset about this, before hand i gave her a get out of bridesmaid duty clause (to save both of us stressing about it) but she didnt take it. So my reply to her rather lame text was...lets just cut the bridesmaid thing on the head, come as a guest and enjoy the day without any stress of losing weight, to be honest i dont want to stress about it anymore. She replied saying she dont know what to say, and basically moaned abut her job and the fact she hates her shape right now (she's put on alot) she did say she feelslike she has let me down, and feels like s**t. Then she said if i lose the weight i will be bridesmaid, if i dont then i wont be......... I feel like she is still taking the pee out of me, and i would have still been in the same stressing situation i was before hand, so i replied to her saying to be honest i cant leave everything till the last min for you to try and get weight off - we both know you will not get into the dress in 5 weeks ( seamstress app) you have had a whole year, its not just about the dress anymore, i need to organise everything else bridesmaid and pay for it all, im not forking out just incase. I said i hoped she understood and asked er to send the dress back to me. This was a few hours ago now and she hasnt even replied to that. Am i being unreasnable? i mean alot has happened inbetween too much to write on here, but all the way along she has moaned about her weight yet done totally nothing about it at all. I dont want to come across as bridezilla or anything but is there really anything elsei could have done?? :(
CommentAuthorCatrinaP
she has had almost a year to lose it with 5 weeks to go the last thing you need to do is fork out more money for another dress get yourself another bridesmaid that fits the dress,both my bridesmaids have gone and told me smaller sizes than wat they are iv told them lose it or there sacked iv still got a year to go yet ,its your day your rules if she aint happy tough xx
CommentAuthorGazza 122
That another issue, the dresses we chose are completely out of stock in he bigger sizes, and are not the same anyway, the side is different. Even if i did have the money, i woulnt be buying ANOTHER dress..no way its the principal, she hasnt even asked me if i need any help with the wedding...nothing. ...paaah weak :(
CommentAuthorKat
I would be asking her to pay for her dress at this point because she was in on the dress size choice originally. I would keep her as bridesmaid though if she wants because, and I could be very wrong, I imagine there is more going on with her than she is telling you and I would want to be a supportive as possible and not make her feel worse in what I'm assuming is some type of difficult time for her
CommentAuthorHa_x3
I don't think your being a bridezilla atall hun you just want to be completely organised for your big day, who doesn't?
Could her dress be taken out atall or extra material added?
Like you say 5weeks won't make much of a difference & in all honesty if she hasn't bothered in the year she had why would she bother now? Sounds like she hasn't tried atall xx hugs xx
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
Yes Kat - you are right there, there is a bit more to it then that, but not for me to write on forums, she has some issues, that once again she HAS control over, she says one thing and does another despite asking for help and advise, there is only so much i can do for her, she needs to help herself. She has admitted the issues around her. The way i see it, is that is MY WEDDING day, and its actually about me (and Kev of course) i dont mean to sound selfish or mean here, but i am truly fed up with the negativity of everything. :( I didnt want to make anything worse, which is why i bought another dress to help her, ive not badgered her or anything, just offered help when she'd asked? ....i didnt want to cause an arguement or upset which is why i worded my replies as i did....aahh i dont know?? ...
CommentAuthorGazza 122
She admitted tonight she couldnt get her head in the right space to be bothered....well cheers hun, i cant be bothered either eh! :(...just feel like she dont really care in honesty.
CommentAuthorXbox widow
I think you've been very patient with her, if I'd have bought two dresses for a timewaster I'd be livid. This has happened to one of my bm's but due to illness but she has still tried and is continuing to try to diet and exercise to get in the dress but I have said I dont want you to worry and feel pressured so having the zip taken out and a lace back put in her dress to take the pressure off got to be realistic with 6 weeks to go. She has not even met you half way, she could of at least tried to lose a bit even for her own healths sake. Some people are just a lost cause, I think you've kept very calm with her I would have gone mental x
CommentAuthorCatrinaP
reason im gonna be tough on mine is one of my bridesmaids was cheif bridesmaid at my first wedding by the time i got back she had everyone changed from there dresses and she was in jeans this time im having h2b sister as cheif bridesmaid and stll having her as bridesmaid since i told her at christmas i was getting married she has gone from a size 10 to a 14 dress dont even meet in the middle and she asked me was i having my son as a witness this time eh why would i have my son ,she aint bothered to help me either wouldnt go to look at dresses as she was busy had to take the dress i bought to her to try on and she was in her pjs when i got there so she has been told lose it or she can come as a guest same as my daughter was told when she moaned about the dress bridesmaids do we really need them lol
CommentAuthorXbox widow
I think they should rename them brides hinderances cos thats all they seem to do lol!!
CommentAuthorCatrinaP
lol thats a good one
CommentAuthorGazza 122
lol, im glad its not just me thinking shes being unreasonable, thanks ladies, my other bridesmaids are fine, could do a bit more, but everyone has busy lives dont they x At least they are doing what they say they will do x
CommentAuthor
my moh had a baby a year before i said we were getting married, she wasnt trying to lose her baby weight as she was planning on trying for another but as soon as i said i wanted her as moh she said she wanted to lose the weight and i should get her a size 14 dress.... which turned out very tight. she has kept trying tho and hopefully it wont be as tight next time she puts it on! Sounds like your bridesmaid just hasnt put any effort in at all, just dont stress yourself about it from now on. let her keep thinking she might be a bridesmaid if she thinks she can drop the weight in 5 weeks, if she does do it just tel her she will have to go and buy all the accessories etc to match the others herself! you dont need the stress xxx
met the man of my dreams 22/09/2006,
Had our amazing twin boys 16/05/2008
Finally becoming Mrs Davies on 31/08/2012 will make me the
happiest lady alive :-)
CommentAuthorKat
Problem with there being other issues that she has control over is that it's one thing knowing you can take control, it's another actually doing it. I completely understand you being fed up with the negativity and I'm not saying faced with this that I would be any different but I do always try to see how I would feel if I was the other person and I would honestly worry that dropping her as bridesmaid without a proper conversation about what's going on and not wanting to add stress but still loving her and wanting her to be part of your day, that it will make her feel worse and less able to take control.
Could you give her another job, like a witness, or to do a reading?
CommentAuthorGemmaL48
I feel the same about 2 of my bridesmaids hun. One of them found out she was pregnant just after we bought the dresses and gives birth 10 weeks before my wedding and the other is just lazy. My pregnant bridesmaid doesn't worry me, it's not her fault and i've told her not to make herself ill to try and get into the dress. The other bridesmaid on the other hand really worries me with 4 months to go she has given up on slimming world after losing a stone because she can't be bothered. I have even gone to the lengths of putting the bridesmaid dresses onto the bay of e to sell them and then buy different dresses closer to the time so i know they will fit :(
I completely understand where you are coming from hun, it is a horrible situation to be in xxx
Worked together, fell in love with each other!
13th October 2012 I become Mrs Daniels!!
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
I would tell her if she wants to be a BM she has to find the dress in her size now if she can't she can't be BM simple as. or she pays for seamstress to take the 12 dress and the 14 and make it a bigger size for her
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
