Hello all - major rant here.

Just need somewhere to let off some steam! I have 2 BMs, my sister, who's being the "Northern" BM and my friend, who's being the "Southern" BM. I need two as I and most of my friends live in the South but my family are up in the north and that's where I'm getting married.

So.

I'm having 2 hens, neither of which will be particularly raucous, but I thought it would be nice to have a spa day somewhere with a meal in the evening and poss a night in a hotel somewhere down here. However, I know that money's tight at the moment, weddings are expensive enough to attend etc etc so I wanted the people who were invited to have a say in what they wanted to happen. I had been ticked off by my BM for not letting anyone else arrange anything for it, so I said, well, fine, it's your job to sort the hen out. This is what I would like, here are some dates, here is a list of people I'd like to ask - off you go.

She then, after many years of being utterly nice and reasonable, goes a bit strange. She's obsessed with the thought that my hen's supposed to be a secret. She sent through an email to the people on the list - fine. I don't see it, so don't know what's on it. I get an email from her saying "no-one's replied", but I then, in rapid succession, get asked about it by three different people (when I saw them) to say "sorry I've not had chance to reply to your friend but could you tell her the next time you speak to her that I will do when I get a chance?" I say, well, I don't even know what was on it as I've not seen it, but OK!

I got in touch with the BM about this and she went a bit potty, saying "they shouldn't be talking to you about this, they should only be talking to me!" which I thought was a bit OTT. I said that they'd seen me during the day and, horror of horrors, thought they'd mention it! I said that I really couldn't understand why she was getting so aerated and wondered why she hadn't sent me the email. She then called me a control freak and said that I obviously didn't trust her to organise the hen!

I now find out that after sending the email out about a month ago, nobody's heard anything else from her. There are a few dates being batted around but people, including me, who have no idea when it's going to be, need to know as our lives don't go on hold for a hen! I'm meeting her tonight, though I'm so cross I don't really want to, but surely it wouldn't have been that hard to just send a couple of emails around to sort it out?

She said she was now going to check with me "that she's organising what I want and not what she thinks I want" - great, lovely, but surely she could have emailed me or called me to sort it before now? She's having to move house to Wales with her hubby and 2 kids around August as her hubby has a new job, so I said, look, if it's going to be too much on top of everything else, let me know and I'll do it, but she was absolutely insistent.

GAH! Sorry, ladies, rant over. :)

I don't think you should be too hard on her. Lots of people have said to me that a hen night should be kept a secret from the bride. I would just have a nice chat to her about some of your concerns. I'm sure it will all turn out fine and you'll have a great time.

I can see where she is coming from, think its quite nice she wants to keep it a secret, but then i can understand where you are coming from people need dates. Maybe let her explain herself and maybe if she wants to keep parts of it secret its more exciting for you. See what she says and i'm sure she has everything fantastic for you and you will be over the moon with what she has organised. My bridesmaids have secrets but aslong as it doesnt interfere with the wedding stress i dont mind.

Chin up its all exciting

this is what happened with mine, my bridesmaids were obsessed with keeping it a secret, then when i asked them what was happened with it, as most my friends got a txt before xmas then nothing, they said they would organise it and i wasnt allowed to know, but i soon started to get txts off people saying they couldnt make the date or what was acutally happening as they needed to arrange time off work. so in the end i think im going to organise something, i thought it would help me out the, organising it but in the end it added more stress and agro !