Okay so mil2b is one of those "nobody's good enough for my son" types, she hated me before we even met and for six and a half years I've put up with her badmouthing me behind my back and making snarky comments to my face etc and only ever been nice to her.
(h2b has my back, luckily, he'll tell her off if he hears her say anything)
Last week was h2b's university graduation and she seemed determined to spoil it! she was picking fights every five minutes with him, his brothers, her oh (she's not married). anyway after it's all over we're heading out for food and just as we get to one restaurant she kicks of that she wanted to go to another one, so we head there and just as we're arriving her oh asks why we're walking past loads of other restaurants. We tell him we're going to the one mil2b requested and she says
"I only mentioned this one because it's the only cheap one I know in the aria", that's laughable as is because the place she picked is EXPENSIVE! Anyway (trying to be helpful) I give her a list of cheaper, yet still nice, restaurants in the aria and she says
"well it's the money you've got to think of, unless you want to pay for YOURSELF"! Now...
1. there was no call to react like I'm some sort of sponge! I pay my fair share of everything.
2, we were actually planning on paying for everyone, including her, and
3. I was telling her cheaper places so why did she react like I was suggesting expensive ones!
Anyway h2b hasn't heard any of this because he was talking to his brothers so when we get into the restaurant he asks why I look so upset, I tell him (not to cause trouble, we just have a complete honesty rule) and he kicks off at mil2b, tells her she upset me, and demands she apologies and she just says
"she needs to man-up"
at this point I lose control, everything I've bottled up over the years comes spilling out and I know if I stay there I will punch her in the face, so I storm out. Once I get outside the rage boils out of me in the form of a scream that didn't even sound human and leaves me feeling physically sick, shaky, and on the verge of tears. I don't know why that pushed me over the edge, maybe it's because saying I need to man up means she sees me as week when it's far harder to take abuse and criticism with a smile than it would be fight back (part of me wishes I'd stayed and punched her).
Anyway h2b catches up to me and we wind up just going to McDonald's for food (I don't even eat because I feel too sick) and from there on I've just been avoiding her. But avoiding mil2b means avoiding the rest of h2b's family (who I get on well with) plus it's been a week now and I think everyone thinks I should be over it by now, even h2b has started in with the old
"why can't everyone get along?" So I feel obliged to start showing my face again, but I don't know if I can just go back to being nice and trying to get her to like me after that. Especially as by now it's fairly obvious that nothing I do will ever be good enough. But I have a feeling that if I don't go back to that things will just get worse! I can't even talk things out with her because she's incapable of that sort of discussion! (she turns everything into a shouting match) So what do I do?
any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I'm sorry but once she's apologised, maybe then you can move on

Boy are you going to have a fun marraige with her as your mother in law, all i can say is good luck girl you are going to need it xxx

i did this for quite a while with my MIL .. admittedly i now haven't spoken to her for almost a year ... but then there isnt any going back once someone calls you all the names under the sun and tells you that your children would be better off if you were dead !!

What an attention seeking drama queen she is! What I picked up from what you have said is she wanted to go to that restaurant ignoring the other choices given and so off you all trotted to her wishes. In future don't ask her what she want/thinks, just do what you want and if she doesn't like it then she can stamp her feet and moan all she bloody likes.

Hun I had a MASSIVE row with my mil2b who called me every name under the sun and actually went for me. I refused to even go near her until she appologies. My advice would be that if ur h2b starts going on about getting along, just say ur more than happy to put this all behind you once she appologises to you. If hes on ur side like ur saying he'll go and tell her to appologise :) Other than that id say just actually punch her next time haha - jokes xx

Personally I'd first try being nice, then if she says anything rude, say something really condescending and belittling to her, then back to being nice, eventually she will learn you won't take her crap

I can totally understand where you're coming from, but I used to get on with my my whole family in law to be. Then my mother got in an accident and they didn't support me and my sis, my Fiance stuck in the middle -as quite naturally I exploded at them for abandoning us at A&E, his brother finally paying for us to get home in a taxi, on a sat night till two in the morning scared out of our wits -my sister just 20 and me 17 at the time. We didn't speak for over a week till I went over there and let her belittle me and talk to me like a child for over an hour, for reacting how I did.
Since then its never been the same, my Fiance and I are stronger than ever but my relationship with them is crumbling, I've been trying but several days ago she publicly humiliated us on our weddings fb page, since then I've been refusing to talk to her about wedding stuff or to go around there, it really upsets me because I was trying to get that relationship back.
But I've decided that my health (I suffer from ME and stress makes me extremely ill) and the love that my Fiance and I share is what is important. Once I calm down I'll go back to smiling and trying but I think that these types of mil's need to realise that that is what they are mothers, still important to their sons but we are more important -or should be.
I think in some ways its good to have a tough miltb/mli because it proves the strength of the bond between you and your other half and shows that you will have a strong marriage, because it takes a lot of strength and love to put up with them. I hope things get better for you.

I would show my face again and hold my head up high. If by storming out if help to prevent you from saying more , then well done. The right thing to do. It doesn't mean you are weak. As I said , I would show my face again but by doing this I would also speak to her when spoken to in a polite manner and not start a conversation. I would be stone cold toward her and not include her in any wedding plans but plan to is be sickly nice to her, she will hate that more as she will have no reason to be mean. Make sure you are never alone with her then she can't say things to you when you are on your own. I'd still not include her in any wedding plans.
I am lucky, my mil2b is lovely and we get on really well, it's my h2b i feel sorry for as he has my mum as his mil2b. LOL

after all the hassle i got last year from MIl ... mr lala told her she was out of order ... things got worse when she told him that i was only after his money ...at Christmas she sent a card to him only and when he went over to take gifts that I had bought she told him that she wanted nothing to do with me ( plus other stuff that he wont tell me )... he stood and told her that if she didn't want anything to do with me then that applied to him also ,hence he hasn't spoken to them since Christmas.

I told him that if it was the fact of marrying me that was causing all the problems i would call the wedding of .. after all its family, as you know that didn't happen.

it does all hurt and i do feel really bad although other members of the extended family have told me that i haven't done anything ,if she were to apologise then i would go over ,ok things would never be the same but at least mr lala would have his parents speaking again

I'll have to remember that one, "until you can behave like an decent human being then our conversation is over" I may have that put on a T-shirt lol