Wedding Forum - Best Man "not comfortable" and quits!?!!!...

Sorry ladies this is a bit of a rant, but since I can't do it to the best mans face I'm putting it on here to get it out of my system!

H2B had his stag this weekend, all went well He came back with no bits missing and nothing new added :) My Dad says they laughed the whole weekend and had a great time, so all is good :)

H2B back at work yesterday and gets text from best man (who he works with and obviously went on the stag) texts him out of the nlue and says he's been thinking about it and he's not comfortable being his best man so he's not going to do it.

WTF!!?!?!??!??

We get no reason, just that he's not comfortable. The is after telling H2B when he asked him to be his best man that it was "the best day of his life" and he gave him a big man hug and there was even a tear!

H2B has told him if that's how he feels and he only decides to tell us 6 weeks before the wedding, after the stag and after we've paid 50% of the cost for the suit hire, etc then they can't be friends anymore - especially when he hasn't given an actual reason. If we get no further with him then he won't be welcome at the wedding at all.

Best Man has apprently been acting a bit weird with everyone at work (moody, etc) for a few weeks now but they put that down to the fact hed got a new job and was leaving (you think that'd make you happier!?). He hasn't said anything to anyone about dropping H2B in the sh1t.

I just don't understand how he thinks he can do this and still be friends with us and still come to the wedding just as an usher instead of best man - I agree with H2B on this one he cant come full stop.

H2B says he's going to leave it until next week then speak to him again and see if he can get any reason out of him, obviously he doesn't really want to loose who he thought was a good friend. He does have a back up plan but feels akward having to go to another friend now and ask him to be best man instead, it was a cloe choice to start with and unfortunately he made the wrong choice!

I think its bad of him to let you down at the last minute, without a reason but something very similar happened to sil2b, their best man said he couldnt do it a week before, but it turns out he was really depressed and was trying really hard to do it but something happened and made him realise there was no way he could do it. He was gutted about pulling out
He still came to the wedding and everything is ok now, bil2b stepped in and did a great job
If he was really happy about it before and now seems to have changed do you think this may be a possibility?

thats not on at all hun hpoe you get things sorted its not like he has give u a valid reason xx

hmm...seems like there is something else here. maybe something is going on in his own life?? if he was so excited about being best man before, there must be a very good reason why he feels he can't do it. something doesn't sit right at all. i know you're annoyed etc, but maybe he REALLY needs someone just now?? this may sound dramatic (and i may be totally wrong) but a girl i know took her life on christmas day and i hate that i didn't see the signs, which (looking back) were so obvious. again, i don't want to sound dramatic, but maybe something is really wrong??

what an absolute sh1t especially leaving it this close to the wedding, and after the money you and h2b and forked out! - id be livid! i bet h2b is a bit upset and hurt as well, seeing as this was supposed to be one of his good friends! Hopefully you get some explanations next week! x

I would try and talk to him as there may be another reason why he doesnt want to do it? To go from being the best of his life to not comfartable is quite a turn-around so what is planning on his mind?

Maybe he feels he wont be able to do a good enough job? Shy? Worried about the speech? Talk to him and see what he says xxx

Oh no that is horrible :(:(
Esp when its so close to the big day and have been on the stag etc :O I hope h2b gets a proper answer from him when he spks to him x Hopefully it works out for you's x

UPDATE
We'll we now have an explanation from the best man.
He says that he feels uncomfortable because he doesn't think he's the right person to be best man. He thinks he didn't give H2B a good enough send off on his stag do (everyone had a great time) and that H2B has better friends than him and more history with others and that soemone else would do a better job.
H2B has pointed out that it's his choice about who he asks, he didn't have to pick him, and therefore wants him to do it and think he'll do a great job.
We'll see if we get a turn around today (fingers crossed) otherwise H2B is making phone calls tonight to arrange to meet up with another good friend who is currently an usher to promote him to best man and ask another friend to be an usher.
Z x

Well hope it's sorted one way or the other!

Perhaps he just wants a big pat on the back for a great stag? Sounds childish enough xx

Before anyone judges the BM here, this really does seem like a severe case of inferiority complex on BM's part, nothing more.Tell H2B to tell BM that he his really needed, and wanted as his BM. I just think all he needs a some reassurance.

Personally I think he will realise he's been a bit of a gimp, and you'll all be laughing about it soon!;-)

let us know what the outcome is xxx

He hasn't let anyone down yet. You're right though in the sense that uninviting him will just cause the whole thing to snowball. If you say to him, that he's uninvited, then you have definitely lost your BM. And that is the last thing you want, from what you're saying on here:-) xx

i hope for hubby 2 bes sake this gets sorted. How frustrating.

That's a real shame. Time to move on then luvvie xxx

Least you got it sorted - what a horrible thing to do so close to the wedding

We were all ready to uninvite him completely, but after having a week to calm down and now have 1 very chuffed new best man we've decided he can still come, but only as a guest. Hopefully he'll buy us a massive gift to make up for it! lol

Z x

He just said he thought H2B had more history with some of his other friends and that they would do a better job. Dunno what's going on with him as H2B tried to explain that he knows that but wanted him, it didnt make a difference.

H2B is more than happy with his new best man and has said he should have gone with him in the first place, it was a close call between them anyway, shame we had to go through this to get to the right conclusion in the end.

Z x

Just be doing a load of planning this aft and calling round the stragglers that haven't replied.
Made a good start at our playlist for the evening reception.
Finished paperwork for the Registrar which will be in the post 1st class in the morning.
Added up everything we still have to pay :( which was depressing, but we think we have enough (just).
Need to get stuff sorted this evening for our pre-wedding photoshoot next Saturday.
Will be finishing baking cakes with my Mum this Thurs/Fri and off shopping for her outfit too.
Think we've just abouts there tho really, have our final details meeting with the venue next Saturday too and then it's just paying everything off and we're done :)

Z x

Well I hope we are all but ready! Nerves are kicking in already, excited and scared at the same time, hopefully it means I'll have the nerves now and be fine on the day.

Your counter says 3 weeks Ha_x3, thats sooo close!

Z x

It all comes good in the end and don't forget men feel pressure too even though they don't show or admit to it. glad you've got someone who will do you proud now x