Would like your opinions please.. Our BM is a long term good friend of h2b but also involved with business together too. He agreed to be BM about 8 months ago or so - he had owed us money for a couple of months at that time, but that was nothing really unusual - h2b has worked with him for 10 years and he's often a couple of months late paying. Since then, BM's life has turned upside down a little and the result is he hasn't paid us and now owes us a large amount of money, outstanding 9 months now. He says he has every intention of settling it and we believe him. I put the pressure on a bit, letting him know we was starting to struggle without this money..BM has gone on a massive guilt trip over it and says he thinks it's best if he doesnt even come to our wedding now. h2b is acting ok but is actually really hurt over it and would like him there. I've sent BM messages to say our day isn't about money, it's about sharing something special with people we love and we both want him to be part of that - he isnt answering me. We have 4 weeks to go now and I really don't know what we shoudl do for the best. Plan on him coming? - OOs , registry papers etc all have his name on it - and if he doesn't come, just have a gap and no best man? Ask someone else? (with 4 weeks to go feels rude to more or less say to someone, you wasnt first choice but we're stuck) What a dilema :(
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
omg .....
firstly what a git not paying what he owes
but i agree the two things are separate things .... i would call him not send messages invite him round to clear the air
If your h2b sees him for business etc, could he not take him aside and just say that nothing bad was meant by what was said and you'd both like him there and just say that you need to know if he still wants to be a part of the day and if you can count on him to be there, otherwise you'd need to find someone else, as details will be incorrect etc. you need to know really if he's going to be there for you or not, BM is a big responsibility and if he doesn't show his face, you could find problems on the day which you could do without. xxx
CommentAuthorAmyK
Maybe he'd feel embarrassed that he couldn't afford to get you a gift, and would feel bad for scrounging a free meal & costing you guys more money with suit hire etc. maybe tell him you won't accept 'no' from him without a good reason - be firm! Be bossy!
with Amy and Lala I would call hm and get it put in the open or pop round his house one evening then he will hsve to talk to you =D ♥ X
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Yeh guilt tripping lol
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorBecky1608
It's not fair of him to cause such a fuss so I agree with the other ladies. Is there a way you could agree a payment plan or something so he can pay it back in small amounts? Xxx
29/09/2008 - The Day we met
12/11/2008 - When we decided to be more than friends
04/11/2012 - A proposal in Central Park NYC
08/11/2014 - The day we say I do!
CommentAuthorFinally Susan B
I've tried leaving it up to h2b - so that I don't embarass him, taking by over (especially about the money part - totally something I have never been part of discussing - very frustrating as it's thousands and I could've had a very different wedding if we had been paid ) In the last week I've sent him messages saying we care about him and the whole wedding just wont be the same without him there - I also tried bossy - next message told him to just go for his suit fitting before it was too late. and that I wasn't going to leave him alone until he said he's coming. h2b just accepted what he said and told him he was very sorry that he felt that way and was letting business things come between them - but in reality he's gutted I think you are right - I need to call him - much easier to ignore messages than calls. If he gives me a flat no - then what would you do? ask a stand in? Just not have a best man? The whole thing is so upsetting, even just writing about it :(
CommentAuthorKatya
well until that last post i would say a payment plan of say £5 a month, but now knowing its thousands, could you not make a payment plan for say?.... £50 a month to start and reassessing in 6 months time?
Regarding the wedding, I would go round there with a couple of beers (as a peace offering - not that you've done anything wrong but men can be silly like this) and explain to him how you feel about the wedding, when round there do not mention the money to him at all, if he mentions it try to get of the subject as quickly as possible stating you would rather discuss it after the wedding, tell him, yes you need that money but its seperate from the wedding and you are here to make sure he fully understands that you want to share that with him. "Big him up a bit" (oh we cant do this without you, your such a huge part of our lives, we've known you for donkeys etc). Make sure he realises that all the stationery mentions him by name and you are not sure what you would do if he didnt attend.
if it does come down to having to ask someone else, then you could ask that person to mention that "the original best man has taken ill and unfortunetly they're gonna have to deal with me waffling on instead"
with Amy and Lala I would call hm and get it put in the open or pop round his house one evening then he will hsve to talk to you =D ♥ X
if you can