Okay, so we have a pretty small budget for our wedding in November, and everyone who knows us is aware of this, and that it's gonna be tight for us - especially until I'm able to start working, and when that might be is totally up to Ofsted. Steve's best man got engaged around the same time as we did, and last we had been told (which was some weeks ago now) they were getting married early September and were still looking at venues. We've since found out that they have decided to get married in Gibraltar
Forum Poll on a Friday in August - and we can't say no to going because Steve is his best man as well!

The biggest problem we have is the cost - for us to go and take the kids with us will cost £1k in flights alone and we'd only be going for 2 nights! Gets more difficult - because the wedding is a Friday, we'd have to try and get Steve's ex to agree for us to have William a day early - and to take him out of the country. Then we'd need to pay for the kids passports to all be renewed as well - and still not taking into account accommodation, food, spending money etc!

Our other option is to sacrifice a weekend with William (which will be thrown in our face later) and try and get Steve's parents to have the girls for the weekend. Even this will still cost £400 for flights plus everything else...

TBH, it's a lot of money - at least a quarter of our entire wedding budget for 2 days away for someone else's wedding - so I could do with some advice here :(

i would also decline, your wedding is just as important as theirs xx

Decline... just explain your reasons - people give up local nights out when saving for their wedding so I'd say you'd be well within your rights to say no and expect them to be ok with it. I considered getting married abroad but as Mel said - you expect people to decline... it's a lot of money to shell out for a couple of days for someone elses wedding! x

I agree with most people on here. You can't possibly justify spending that kind of money on someone else's wedding, when you are working to a budget on yours. It sounds to me that they may have opted for a wedding abroad to cut their costs, so they should be well aware of the costs in this country. It's sad that your husband can't be there as his best man, but he should just explain that you can't afford it. I'm sure if you had a spare £1000, you could really put it to good use for your own wedding.

i cant even vote on polls for some strange reason.. but i would prob say decline, if you can't do it then its not your fault hun. They have to be prepared for a lot of people turning them down, i can't imagine a lot of people being able to come to our wedding if it was abroad!

When arranging a wedding aboroad you have to 100% expect people to decline the invite - surely they will understand.

We are getting married in wales and it will cost some poeple around £400 for the whole weekend (this includes travel and hotel for two nights for two people)

and I know that some people are declining our invite because thats too much, and thats ok (its not great because of course i would love people to be there ) BUT it was our choice to get married so far away, and so we have to live with the consequences!!

If they get in a mood with you for declining then ask yourself what kind of friends are they!

We had a similar situation last year. Dave was out of work and he was due to be best man for a wedding in Dublin (not the same as gibralter, I know, but you get the idea). Nick stepped up and said that they wanted both him and me there so much they would pay for all our costs.
I think if you're honest with your friend and explain the situation, they will understand and maybe some arrangement could be made? I know if my best friend couldn't afford to make it to Vegas, I'd find the money to have her there. Good luck x

You have. You've been put in a bad situation and it isnt fair!

Think about it this way - you are having a budget wedding and doing everything you can to save money for it - if you had the money to go on this wedding abroad would you not rather spend the money on your wedding.
Whats more important your own wedding day or Steve being a best man to someone else.

i certainly know that i would rather spend it on my own wedding.

And especially if it is her choice - I am assuming you dont know her very well.

If i was you i would listen to steve! good luck!

Rhiannon - I know her as well as Steve does, we've become friends as well - I know it must have sounded different from my post lol. But it was always going to be a huge issue, as a lot of things in their relationship are - she definitely calls the shots lol. I do like her, but the biggest issue really is that she's grown up with money and has never really had to think about how much something is costing, so these things just don't cross her mind :(

I voted decline. They can not really expect you to fork out that much money to attend their wedding when you are on a small budget to pay for your own and currently only have one income. Its an awful lot of money just for one weekend as well, that could pay for a holiday with all of you for a week.
I had to decline an invite to my aunties 70th, she threw a really big bash last november, and i just couldnt afford nor justify the amount that the flights would have cost that close to xmas. I know its hard, i cried most of the weekend that all my family were together in one place and i wasnt there, but sometimes your immediate family and your financial situation has to come first.

yes i do think that it is Steves place to tell them what your planning to do.

This is what ive said to my H2B that it is his job to deal with his family and friends even if I am close to them too. you have to have that rule i think otherwise things can get messy!

persoanlly i say decline they kno u r gettin married! and i hate the fact wen people want to get amrried abroad they expect people to pay to come! i think its god damn cheeky lol

In my opinion I think your h2b should go. You both got engaged around the same time and both men have asked to be the best man of the other which means they are really close and both knew it's going to cost them some money to be the best man regardless of the fact that the other one might have to spend a little more. It's also just two days, it's very nice of your h2b to want you to be there but if your budget won't allow it, then you either got a choice of being a bit miffed that one of you can't come but atleast he is able to do his best man duty by being there for him or risk you him and the other couple to be disappointed that you both can't be there specially the best man. I'm just thinking if it was the other way around, what would steve have felt if his best man couldn't come because he can't bring his partner to gibraltar but otherwise could've come by himself. But of course of they're really not that great friends then he can get away with not going but if they are... and it's only for two days and you CAN afford it then I really think he should look into being there. At the end of the day, true friends are priceless xx hope that helps :)

I think you should explain why you can't go....kids, money, your own wedding etc. At the end of the day it is their choice to get married abroad so they cannot expect you to go if you don't have the funds.

My H2b best friend and would be bestman was all up for coming to Vegas with us, but i said if they can't afford it ,as with them its not just the price of the holiday, but kennels for their dogs and help with their two horses, then that would be perfectly fine by us, as at the end of the day it was our choice to get married abroad and not theirs.........

Just explain everything and see what they say, i'm sure they will understand. xx

Pennie, no I know he's the one who said he doesn't want to go without you hence I said it's very nice of him but I'm just saying if he can afford to go without you his friend might get upset if his only reason for not going is cos he can't take you too but I'm glad you're going. It would be a nice break for you two :)

its his choice to get married this way and incur a big costs to his guests so he has to understand that no matter how much ppl want to go, they just cant afford it. He shouldnt ber funny about it. Just explain.

I've declined going to my friends wedding this august in greece because of our wedding budget and cost of going and she is more understanding about it than I am lol

So we had a chat about this and have decided that we will go and leave the kids with his parents - after I impressed that this is a big day for one of his closest friends and we really should be showing our support. Took a look at the cost and have decided to put it on the credit card and clear it after our wedding (the card wouldn't have been used for our wedding at all anyway, and we're already paying more than the minimum each month so makes no difference in the amount we pay out). Guess I have another wedding to attend then!