Hi ladies,

Sorry I haven't been on here in months. I just need to vent some anger/get advice/have a moan!

Having a bit of trouble with one of the best men at the moment. Its a bit of lengthy story and I need to give some background first...

Oh gosh where do I start...


So firstly, we are having two best men. Both of whom have beenIT Man's (groom) best friends for years and years and years, known each other since birth, that sort of thing. For this story, I'll call them Best Man One (nice one) and Best Man Two (the one who isn't being nice) Additionally, for the past 6/7 years we have been an inseparable group (Me,IT Man, Best Man One, BM One's girlfriend, and Best Man Two). We used to spend time together at least once in the week, and most of all the weekends. On top of that we used to do numerous weekend camping trips away together too. Best Man Two was in fact single then, but it never stopped us doing things together as a 5, it worked for us!

Best Man Two found himself a girlfriend last March, and since then has changed for the worse :(. Throughout 2012 I saw him a total of 4 times - his birthday,IT Man's birthday, our friends 25th wedding anniversary, and Christmas eve.

Considering we were supposed to be his best friends he spent extremely little time with us at his birthday party, but we let that one slide. We thought it as a one off as it was the first time we had met the other half.

ForIT Man's birthday we went camping for a long weekend down in Devon at a friend's farm. And yes his girlfriend was invited and did come. We tried every effort to involve her in things we were doing but she just wasn't interested. She went off walking by herself loads of times! We went canoeing, flew our power kites, visited the gnome village, went on a long costal walk, played with the air rifles shooting things, had a relaxing few drinks by the campfire every night and had a big BBQ together etc etc. On our camping trips we just like to relax, not plan things, have a few drinks and not have to worry about anything. We knew there was going to be a problem as soon as they pitched their tent a million miles away from all of ours - talk about segregation! On top of that we itemised everything on our food bill (seeing as they turned up the morning after and missed the dinner we cooked) as we didn't want them to over pay. She claims that we did her out of money?! She had to pay bloody £9 for 4 days worth of breakfasts, lunches and dinners, washing up stuff, toilet roll, coal etc etc - that was all! The whole time they basically went off doing things by themselves - clearly forgetting we went away for MY fiance's birthday not for their own little break. Everybody was so mad at how rude they both were.

At our friend's 25th wedding anniversary party we were all dressed up, suited and booted, having an awesome time. Unfortunately, he again hardly spent any time with us. Well, not until she had gone to bed early! He behaved totally out of character whilst she was there. He was boring basically. And she again, was rude.IT Man sat with her for ages trying to make conversation but she just doesn't try. She gives one word answers. Doesn't continue any conversation. Halfway throughIT Man talking to her she literally just got up and left and went to bed. We had even offered for them to stay round our house after the party as we usually would but they opted to sleep in his car instead???!!!

Every single Sunday, Me andIT Man, or BM One and girlfriend host a roast dinner round our houses. We do them alternative Sundays so we get to spend some really nice time together. Before BM Two's gf was on the scene he would join us too. Occasionally holding roasts at his house. Even though they are both invited, neither came to a single roast dinner get together last year. He claims he needs more notice and more of an advanced warning to book us in his diary.... but to be honest, I thought the fact it happens EVERY sunday without fail would be notice enough?!

On Christmas Eve, he came to our local pub (without her). I mentioned to him the lack of effort he had been putting in to seeing us. He said he would try and make more of an effort. He went through his diary and booked us in for the last weekend of January! Which I'm pleased to say he did attend - but still a bit far-fetched to have to book him 5 weeks in advance?! I told him about my birthday and that we would be going out for dinner Thursday 10th January, and then to a rollerdisco on the Saturday. He warned me he couldn't go the Saturday but promised to make the Thursday. Now what I didn't say before is that he still has been attending the "Thursday night lads night" withIT Man, BM One, and few of their other "lads". So for my birthday dinner I had invited out only a few very close friends and family (him being one of my close friends). Well I guess you know whats coming... He didn't come. I got a text the day before saying "sorry won't be there".IT Man and BM One asked him about it and he stated "its lads night. enough said." I was really hurt and upset by this. Everyone who came basically spent the whole of the first hour of my birthday dinner talking about how out of order and rude he had been. I was gutted. He had skipped my birthday and gone out with the lads. Bearing in mind they usually drink up the pub we were eating in - he had purposely suggested, and went to another pub!IT Man and BM One brought it up with him the next "lads night". He just couldn't see anything wrong with what he had done. He sent me a text saying he heard i was upset and didn't want any frostiness between us. I messaged him back being blatently honest and said that considering he's one of the "best men" at our wedding hes going a funny way about trying to keep a good friendship, and that he doesn't have time for anyone but himself anymore. Then I added I hope you're gonna tell *gf* that "valentines day is on a thursday and that its lads night, enough said". He replied that He knew I was upset and he just decided not to come. He knows hes changed over the past year but his life is good and balanced. He then went on to say he wants to keep his friendship withIT Man and BM One but hes not really bothered about anyone else and is sorry if in the future we dont feel included. And yes, his thursday are lads nights only.

Hes basically turned into a complete arse, and this guy is supposed to be doing a speech at our wedding :( I'm really upset by it all. And I'm not the only one.IT Man is also annoyed at him for his behaviour. He gaveIT Man a load of stick if he ever didn't come out because he was spending time with me, but at least we did keep a good balance and saw all of our friends. But clearly its ok for him to ditch us all. As well, all our other friends have seen the change in him. He's not the fun guy he used to be, especially not with his gf around. He's even declined going out for one of our other close close friends birthdays this saturday. (She was invited too, its not like we leave her out!)

I sound like such a bitch but its really troubling me. I need some help, what do I do???

Sorry for such a long post! I would just love to give him a slap though!

Sack him off x

Its always so disappointing when people change like that, especially when it seems to all be started by a new partner. And you always end up being the bad one! Which you are most definitely not in this case! So unfair that this is impacting your special day, and that you're losing a close friend. I really hope he comes to his senses (or maybe someone knocks some into him!)