Hi everyone. My h2b is going to ask the same friend to be his best man from when he got married the first time. I know it's his choice but I can't help but feel really anxious about this, and if I voice my concern he tells me I'm being a control freak. Due to the distance of where he lives I haven't actually met him before. I've heard lots of stories about him and he sounds like a big joker. I know the best man speech is suppose to be funny but I worry he is going to be incredibly inappropriate, by making jokes about being the best man for the second time around... And talk about his last wedding, of which is the last thing I want to hear about on our wedding day. My h2b has two children from previous marriage and I worry they will get upset as well by this masculine banter. I also think it would humiliate my parents, whom are contributing a considerable amount to the day. Do I trust him and take him word that it will be fine? He said he would talk to him and tell him not to make jokes about his ex. Or do I go with my instincts and put my foot down - which would cause an argument because its his decision really and both our wedding day.
I did suggest that he asked a brother or another friend but he said he wants to ask this one as he has known him the longest and because he knows he will do a good job.
Any thoughts??
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
Even though it is second time round, I would like to think that he would be considerate enough to not mention the first wedding. Maybe instead of coming across negative to your H2B about it, just say to him OK you are happy with him being best man, maybe it would be nice to meet up with him soon so you know who he is as a person, and just say to H2B also to ask if he just talks about this wedding and not the previous one. I'm sure if you are not so negative about it as well that he will be fine with asking him to do this.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
I can see why you're not too happy about it - I don't think I would be given the situation.
I agree with GF, see if you can meet up with him, and if not, make sure your husband emphasises that there should not be a reference to the previous wedding - if not for your sake then for the sake of the kids who might be upset about it.
Xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorRennie1989
I would talk to your h2b about your concern about the speech. Remind him that your parents are paying a lot for this wedding and they will be disappointed to listen to banter about your h2b's last marriage, not to mention the kids.
CommentAuthorBecky1608
I would sit down with your H2B and talk about this. I'm sure he wouldn't want to be reminded his first marriage either. Could you also arrange a get together at least once before the big day so that you can start to get to know him? Xxx
29/09/2008 - The Day we met
12/11/2008 - When we decided to be more than friends
04/11/2012 - A proposal in Central Park NYC
08/11/2014 - The day we say I do!
If you haven't even met him how close are they now? Could you not try to convince him to ask someone you actually know? X
CommentAuthorFinally Susan B
I feel for you. I wouldn't like to be in this position but I really agree with others, try to make a meet up. You will get a feel of how this guy is and see what (if any) references he makes during normal conversation to his previous marriage. If he behaves totally respectful when he meets you, it may put your mind at rest about your wedding day x
CommentAuthorEmmaN49
Thanks everyone... H2b has been planning to introduce me to this friend for the past four years... I will now emphaise this needs to happen. I guess you are all right in the sense i will get a better feeling either good or bad once i've met the man. Perhaps i'm just thinking the worst...
I'm worried because it would be so easy to say things like; " I didn't need to reherse this speech... i'm just using the same notes from when i did this before bla bla bla".
Am i a control freak?
I just don't want to be upset nor do i want my parents on his children feeling as thought the best man is making fun of their mum..
I've already said to h2b my concerns and have mentioned about my parents contributing but he just tells me not to worry and then laughs at me...
MEN
CommentAuthorValentinaK
I'd go with it. As long as you've made it clear it should all be good. Maybe speak to a parent to speak to your fiance so he knows the severity of consequences if the best man does act inapproriately. Is the best man known to misbehave? If not or you know he can be serious, I'd not fret! :)
And we lived happily ever after!
CommentAuthorEmmaN49
Thank you. I guess I will just have to wait and find out. 125 days to go x
