So, I have been trying to organise my hen party, when I first got engaged I asked my bridesmaid if she would mind if I asked my oldest friend to arrange the hen party. We have been friends for 20 years but weren't as close as we used to be hence her not being a bridesmaid but I thought asking her to organise this would bring us back together. SHe is a wild party girl so I thought it would be a perfect job for her. Well, she did nothing about it, she didn't ask me once how plans were going and actually thought I was getting married on the 25th July instead of the 1st of June. Now, she has changed a lot in the last 6 months, she has got new friends who are all 8 or so years younger than her and a 20 year old boyfriend and she seems to have forgotten that she has 2 young boys at home and that she had friends before these new friends came along, it got to the point where I actually said that we needed to do something to get our friendship back on track before it was ruined forever so I arranged a night out with her and she cancelled last minute because she said she couldn't get a babysitter, so I went out with h2b instead and saw her out with the new boyfriend! So, I took back the organising of the hen party, I text her on Monday to ask if she was still coming - bearing in mind she always has her phone on her - got no reply, so I text her yesterday morning asking if she has received my message about hen party, no reply! Then I sent a text message to all the ladies invited to my hen party giving them a brief outline of what I was think of doing, dates, costs etc, they all replied except her. SHe is supposed to be my oldest friend and I have no idea what to do, she is clearly ignoring the messages and I don't know why, if she is ignoring me over the hen party invite then I am starting to wonder if she will ignore the actual wedding invite as well? Sorry it was so long, turned into a bit of a rant. x
CommentAuthorNevlar
awww hun i know how you feel, my best friend is the same! except shes my MOH i cant pin her down shes never interested and im getting fed up!! you can only try so hard! keep smiling im sure she'll come round and if she doesnt its her loss xx
CommentAuthorJoanneM54
I have no mates now ive had 3 moh and all 3 stop talking to me and wouldnt talk about wedding plans when was together always changed subject now im wondering what to do i dont have family to ask for help or out as we all fell out 3 year agoso its me arranging it with of course help off h2b but he cant help with my dress feel lost :-( n defo no hen party for me xx
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
you know what forget her ...... you have tried to get this back and your getting no effort in return ..i know to my cost how destructive this can be for your own feelings and you have to get to the pint of saying if they want to know they will be in contact with me ...
you dropping sending text etc might just make her wonder why and prompt her to get in contact if not well you know where you stand
Jennifer, if she is causing you this much hassle already, I would just forget about her.I have been the one trying to rekindle old friendships etc and got nothing but heartache in return. Just ask yourself, is she really worth the hassle.
However, you say you havent been so close of late and that she has a younger partner etc. Maybe she has moved on with her life, like we all do sometimes?
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
forget her, she is not the sort of friend you need or want xx
CommentAuthorVelcro
one of my friends has done something similar, asked her to be bridesmaid but now we never see each other, she always cancels plans. So as I've got so long to go before I get married, I'm not even bothering officially 'firing' her as she's bound to work it out eventually. She's ditched her oldest friends for her newer younger ones. Can't say I ever expected she would do something like that, but well, it will be her loss!
If I were you I'd just do what I'm doing and not bother trying to make the effort anymore. Me and my other friend have given up trying with her now, the ball is in her court. I suggest you do the same whilst asking your bm to take over the planning. I wouldn't even bother lettign the other know, she can find out when she gets in touch - if she ever does.
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
That's terrible! I know how you feel tho, I lost my best friend who took my ex's side when we split so I know how difficult it is when u just want the support there and you're not getting it.,! I think u should stop texting her and running round after her... Just concentrate on your other friends that are actually interested xx
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorGillianE
That's awful, she sounds like she just doesn't have time to be your friend, and i know that sounds awful. I would drop her and concentrate on your friends who make the effort and want to be part of your plans. I have been in a similar position myself and i know it isn't nice. xx
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
The people involved in your weddingn need to be people you can rely on for absolutely anything. If she is not getting in touch then you need to consider removing her from the guest list altogether, as you need the right people around you. Friends do drift apart sometimes unfortunately. Joanne M54, maybe try joining something with other ladies like a dance or exercise class, or joining a hobby group, to make new friends who will help you. I went to one wedding where the chief bridesmaid was someone that the bride had met a couple of weeks before and instantly clicked with. The bride's sister was also bridesmaid but wasn't being particularly useful. You could also find out if anyone on here is in your area and able to help you. There was a forum post somewhere about fairy godmothers.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorJillianL47
I'm so sorry to hear this. It could be possible there's something going on at home. If she is ignoring you, as hard as it is, do the hen do without her attending.
CommentAuthorJenniferY90
Yeah, everyone else has replied saying saying if they can come or not, she just hasn't bothered. SHe hasn't bothered with me for a while, she constantly has her phone on her and is always on facebook, yet when I put on there that I had been in a car crash a couple of weeks ago and my car was written off, there was no contact from her to ask if i was ok and when I posted to say my dress had arrived in the shop there was nothing either and she used to comment on everything. It's so hurtful that this is someone that I have been best friends with for 20 years and now 6 months and we no longer have a friendship at all, her new friends and new boyfriend are far more important to her now. I honestly have already considered whether to send her invite to the actual wedding or not, not turning up to my hen party is on thing but ignoring an invite to my wedding would be a whole different thing, she knows what I have been through to get to this point in my life and I thought I could always count on her to be there for me to celebrate.
CommentAuthorSazzell23
There is only so much you can do hun and only so many times you can try with people. Being friends is a two way thing and it cant be all the effort on your side and none on hers. You're getting hurt and you dont want this to overshadow your hen and wedding - its one of the best times in your life. I had the same issue as you and can understand that you just want your best friend there for you. But sometimes big events in your life like a wedding can really put friendships into perspective and you realise things have become one sided. I do think you will have to leave her to it and organise the hen without her - I wouldnt text her about it again, she's had enough opportunity to reply xxx
CommentAuthorKistHall
I would put a pin in the situation. Focus on your life and what you want and forget about her for a bit, but maybe keep the door open if she decides she wants her friends back. As someone else has said she might just be prompted to get back in touch. But you need to focus on yourself and your life and not worry about someone who at the moment doesn't seem to care. You've got enough to do with only a few months left, you don't need extra stress (actually when does nayone ever need extra stress!). Also I think Elinor has some good ideas Joanne. My MIL2B has recently started going to classes and the gym etcc and has made lots of new friends, and previously she didn't really have any, just her and her OH and she never went out, now she goes out all the time and is having lots of fun!
CommentAuthorJenniferY90
edited
I think for my own mind I am just going to have to carry on without her, if she turns round later and says she wants to come then I can work around it but it just stresses me out and upsets me more and more every time I try with her and get nowhere! I will post her wedding invite to her and if she ignores it then I truly will know where our relationship stands. Thanks Ladies.xx
CommentAuthorTori
Unfortunately this does happen. Not until you arrange something like a wedding until you realise who your real friends are x
