I am aware that the below is a lot to read but I would really appreciate it if you have the time as I am feeling really down hearted at the moment and now looking for a little advice because I really am stuck at what to do.

I have 3 BMs one being my sister and two are meant to be good friends.

First one is my sister who is a teenager so am not really expecting much from her, although when she gets to borrow my dads laptop she is off and away at trying to help when she is asked.

The Second one lives around an hour away from me has not made the effort at all to come up and see me. She takes really long to reply to any of my text's/emails and sometimes I feel they are ignored. I am still awaiting a reply from an email I sent her on Monday and I have since sent her a text asking her if she has received my email and have had no reply to that either.

My Third Bridesmaid (who I am currently feeling quite angry towards) I saw last weekend. This was arranged a few weeks before as I had not seen her for 6 weeks, and it just so happened that I was going to go for my dress fitting that weekend as well. Anyway, on the morning I received a text saying she can bring her partner as he has got the time off work, because she was waiting for him meant she got to me 20mins late, and therefore meant we left late.
After the fitting for my dress and trying to ignore some irritating conversations (such as her telling me she has put on weight and probably won't fit into the dress - That I paid for) I asked her if she was still staying for dinner. This followed by a few awkward glances between her and her partner and mumblings about how they needed to go shopping, I replied is it really necessary as I have not seen you for 6 weeks?
I then said well if your not going to be long at the shops, just come back (expecting them to be roughly an hour) they came back 2 and a half hours later. They then stayed and left 20 minutes after they had eaten a total of 2 hours, if the food was ready earlier I believe they would of left earlier.

I just feel no one is interested I am basically planning the wedding all myself. I am reminded how good my partners 2 best men are when they have got into contact with each other and are making the effort to come down a lot.

It is really getting me down, I have paid for all their bridesmaid dresses but get the feeling they don't won't to contribute to anything themselves. I have now left having their hair done on the day optional (£35) as I just can't afford it. They haven't made the effort to get into contact with each other. I created a Facebook group and added them into it, yet none of them use it or comment on anything I put there. I am feeling incredibly downhearted and would like to know what any of you would do in this situation? Am I in the right to be feeling angry?

yes you are hun ...... i would be emailing both

Hi xxxx

I am emailing you to ask a few things the most important being do yu still want to be a bridesmaid for me ?
i realise that we don live 5 mins from each other and you lead busy lives as i do but i am getting a little disheartened when you don't reply to my txt or emails ..... there is allot to sort for this wedding and although i realise that it ISN'T the most import thing in your life it is in mine and i really need your help

something like that ?

Sorry to say this but

Fact one.....NO-ONE is as interested in your wedding day as you are...this is hard to digest but its true. we would all love our family and friends to be gushing over everything we are doing but its just not the case.

Fact two...Bridesmaids....whoever they are, are only going to be your bridesmaid on the wedding day, and I have found that anything before that they don't care. they have their own lives and couldn't really give a monkeys. They expect YOU to do all the running around for them.... they want to look nice on your day, thats all. but all the fun and planning that you envisaged with them>? forget it.

Fact three...You HAVE to get on with things as if you were doing it all yourself....(cos 90% of the time you are) and IF they help, look on it as a bonus, but dont expect it.

These things I have found in my own planning, and as soon as I understood this, I no longer got upset by it.

For the record i dont think you are being unreasonable, and if you want a reply to something you need to know, ring them and speak to them, then they dont have the chance to ignore your texts/emails. texting information is quite impersonal in my opinion, i want to speak to them to KNOW i got the message across.

I guess we're lucky in that our bridesmiads are very interested, and are helping laods

All i can say here is i feel your pain, i too am having the same issues and now am on the same path of thought as RaggedyAnne, I do understand other people are not as interested in the wedding as i am, obviously....but if they agree to be bridesmaid, ...then they should fulfill the role up to the day really, One of mine is saying she dont even want to see the dress coz she cant fit into it (after begging and telling me she will lose a dress size as it will give her motivation to lose weight....) she is probably now 2 dress sizes bigger than her bridesmaid dress!!! im not buying another one!
She said she will help me and stay with me the night before the wedding as i have centrepieces to make etc...but now she has a new fella, this wont be happening :( i would have hoped she could have left him alone for one night!...but nope. My calls - emails and texts get ignored, even when i told her about the hen do...yes im arranging that myself aswell, all she said was wow! ....thats it...non interested. :(

Thanks for all your replies I really appreciate it. It isn't about me wanting my bridesmaids help anymore as RaggedyAnne you are correct in the fact that I have most probably planned 90% of the wedding myself. So there is not much left for them to do anyway. I just want them to be 'Friends' and make the effort to see me and for it not to be an 'effort' for them.

I think I will use your template email lala "mod" bunni, but am going to give them one more chance, bridesmaids 2 and 3 have not even met yet so I plaining to arrange a 'meeting' where they both can try their dresses on again. I am going to tell them in advanced if they ignore me or make excuses than I may ask them just to come as guests.

All I want them to be is Friends for support, as they were before, and was the reason I asked them to be bridesmaids in the first place. But seems as though thats gone down hill since asking them...

I would also be disappointed, but on the other hand, I am the worst person in the world at replying to emails and text messages, even quite important ones, I don't really know why, I just hate it! Most of my friends know to phone me if there's something important, I'd be taking that route with your BM's, there's no excuse for trying to avoid spending time with you and generally being rubbish, but people do have busy lives, and emails and texts can be very easy to push to the bottom of the pile.

I'd also say your BM's behaviour after the fitting was a little odd, I'd be wondering if there was something else up, shiftily saying you need to go shopping and not really wanting to be around seems a little strange, unless there was a reason for it that she's keeping to herself? The bit about how she said she's put on weight and might not fit in the dress makes me wonder if she might be pregnant and went off for some sort of check up? Would make sense, especially with her bringing her partner along?

In the past i had the same problem as you, my sister is my MOH and she just (in my eyes) wasnt interested an my best friend was even stating that she was going to do a speach which made me think maybe my bf should be moh, but any in the past couple of weeks my sister has realy made an effort even asking "me" to a wedding fair, lol but as we are both trying to lose weight we went for a long walk the other day and she was talking about her ex saying that they were planning on getting engaged etc which made me relise that she was a bit downheartned about my wedding etc and i ended up feeling realy bad, but things are great now. i agree with lala i would send them an email like that xxxxx

Awwww it's like readin about me. my C/B has been with her bf for 2 years and when she duz come up mine/with me he's constantly ringing her or she's texting him. it's annoying when i'm trying to get opinions on dresses tht they'll be wearing. and she's constantly going out for breakfast with him and having takeaway's. i'm worried tht if i pay for and order her dress, she'll gain weight and it won't fit :(

i was exactley the same when i was planning my wedding. i had 2 bm and they are both very good friends, but they never once asked if they could do anything to help. in fact no one not even my mum did. it was only when i had a moan on fb my mum said she will help and i had to point out that everything was done.

and then the week of the wedding i was stressing and my bm put on fb to text her if i needed her.

i think bm dont think that they have to help but not sure why they think that.
i would email them both or text and explain how you are feeling and ask them if they can help and be more supportive! xx

Kirsty91... thats great and i am truley happy for you, and i believe that that is how it SHOULD be, but I was speaking from my own experience, and so it seems a good majority of the girls here. You have been blessed with great bridesmaids but from reading most of the above posts it seems like you are in the minority....unfortunately . I wish it could be like that for all of us.
I'm not saying my bridesmaids are not interested in anything, just not as interested/involved as i would have liked them to be.

I think the words ''will you be my bridesmaid' somehow translates to them as..
.''will you just turn up looking gorgeous in a lovely dress, and be in the pictures.....but NOTHING ELSE!''

LOL

I think that if they are really that unintereste you should relieve them of their duties. my bridesmaids are not cooing over everything, but they are definitely interested. They have been shopping with me, they want to meet up for a girls weekend to get to know each other and have dresses fitted (they all live miles away and dont know each other), and they send me ideas and comment on the fb group when I put ideas up. So I think I am lucky, but they dont go crazy they dont contact me about it and it's not all they talk about. So I think its a happy medium. I would just ask them if they would prefer to be a guest rather than BM as need to get things sorted for them and if they dont have the time you would rather just de-appoint them as bridesmaids. Good luck hun x

i really feel for you hun! my bridesmaids are fantastic but my h2bs best man and usher are about as useful as a chocolate fireguard....i have even had to organise his stag do for him :-O ok they are only going to be your bridesmaids for the day, but they should be slightly involved in certain things!
Maybe give them a ring and basically say that you need some help with this and that and would be good if they could help you out!
Unfortunately i think you find out who your friends are when you need them at times like this.
My h2b had 2 best men and ended up sacking one as he just wasnt interested, and even said he wasnt sure if he'd even make it!!!
at the end of the day you dont need the stress on the lead up to your big day xx

I've had a lot of help from my bridesmaids mum (bridesmaid us 12). My sister is MOH and doesn't live local but is going along ok with everything and coming up at Easter for a hol and her dress fitting. We did fall out over me inviting our brother but she did apologise of sorts and nothing more has been said about that. My oldest friend who doesn't live local and isn't a bridesmaid has asked if I need any help. My SIL has been a great help too, her hubby is best man. I think it's so rude when bridesmaids don't text or message the bride, even if they can't do much at the present time. My work mates are excited for me. I don't go on about the wedding all the time but they are always interested in our plans x

Have you ever asked them if they WANT to actually be bridesmaids? xxx

No Bexyk youre not bein stupid or pathertic. I would tell her outright that she appears to be wanting to take the attention away from you and H2B, this is your wedding day and you would like the focus to be on the 2 of you. I bet my bottom dollar she will feel very silly and stop her childish behaviour.

oh j70see
it must be a huge shock to you, because although it was a long time ago...to YOU its fresh news, and you must be thinking of all those years she kept it from you, and i understand...(only too well) how gutted and betrayed you feel. (my Ex husband had an affair with my sister) and yes definately i would chop her. and if she asks why, just give her 'the look' and tell her 'You Know Why'. she wont take it any further.
How to tell her might be in a letter, tell her you dont feel like you can talk to her right now, and a text or email is a bit impersonal.

I got told off by my cbm this weekend, she asked what I wanted to do for my hen do so that she can start sussing everything out and I basically described everything I wanted, told her I'd looked into group bookings for hotels and costs for activities. She told me to stop being a control freak and let her do her job and organise it for me. I'm really lucky with my choice of bms but I can see that so many of you guys are having problems. Mine are not constantly talking weddings with me but one is my big sister and she keeps sending me links for wedding suppliers with good discounts which is really sweet. I'm not expecting them to do much by way of organising the wedding and I've told them they are off the hook for that but I need their help on the wedding day.

I think the big question you need to ask your bms is if they are going to be willing to pull their finger out on the big day or are they going to show the same amount of disinterest then too. x