I'm really upset so please excuse my rant. H2B's brother has recently got back together with his daughter's mum. Great stuff, we're really happy for them. But the problem is I have met her once five years ago just before they split up so know nothing about her. H2B has met her twice, again five years ago. As a result of this we've decided to only invite her to the evening reception. This is due to numbers (we're already at our limit of 40) and the fact we don't know her. Bro in law 2B wouldn't let us explain proclaiming 'you can't do this' and then hung up the phone when H2B rang to tell him. We've now received a text saying we're dead to him and he wants nothing more to do with us or our wedding. He was going to be one of our ushers and his daughter my flower girl. I'm really disappointed he won't let us explain. We're not trying to be difficult but simply don't have the space for her. Has anyone else experienced this sort of problem? How did you resolve it? Any advice is gratefully received. xx
CommentAuthorKaz
Perhaps write a letter to him explaining the situation and the fact that this is last minute. Maybe add that you would have had to un-invite someone that you've both known for ages for someone you've only met a couple of times and state that if you have someone cancel she would be welcome to attend but that you'd love to meet, get to know her! I'm assuming it's a sit down meal because a buffet wouldn't be a problem. If he is still of the same mind, thank him for freeing up space for other friends! Not a lot you can do if he's going to be a stubborn idiot!
WARNING:
I say the first thing I think of!
CommentAuthorMrsC2B
Thank you Kaz. You're absolutely right about him being a stubborn idiot! A letter is a good idea - I'll get thinking. xx
CommentAuthorlisa123
i agree with Kaz also, a letter will state your reasons clearly. we are not inviting +1's to ours if we dont know them as its a waste! we want family and friends that we have known for longer to be at the intimate part of our day xx
Cant wait to be married
must loose weight!!
start weight 12st 12lb
current weight 9st 10lbs
CommentAuthorMrsC2B
That's exactly our thoughts as well Lisa. No one else has moaned as their other halves are welcome in the evening. I want to be able to look around that room when I walk down the aisle knowing everyone and how they've supported us over the years. xx
yeah a letter is good bc people tend to read them more than once and you can say what you need to say in a calm way . but you do need to state your reasons why
Hey hun, i think if he really wants her there then say we have reached our limit for our budget but if you want to pay for her place then she can come! (once he realises how much a place cost's he will soon realise) i did that with loads of people as we have already 71 for the whole day, and i didnt allow Plus 1 unless i really really knew them and i think i only allowed 3 lol! xx
CommentAuthorlolli88
I agree with wifey tell him exactly how much one person is to include for the whole day and tell him he is welcome to pay, but also tell him that you are already paying for 40 people and physically cant do it yourselves for someone tht between the two of you, you really dont know!!! if he still ahs a problem, tell him that if he don't come she can see what he says to that, and if he wants to carry on acting like a kid then just say his supposed to support his brother at a time like this not fight with you over it. And last but not least tell him its too late notice to add anyone else!!!
Hope it all goes ok!!
Lx
CommentAuthorCandC
I agree with most posts on here. We are only having 30 guests for the ceremony and even our Maid of Honour and Best Mans children arent invited to it until the evening. It's our day and we are having everything that we want and anyone who doesn't agree then i would'nt want them there anyway. It sounds harsh and it's not something you want just before your big day but it is yours and your fiances day and he is being a plonker!!
xx
CommentAuthorLisa Ramos
I have upset my cousin and his family, as his daughters on/off boyfriend was only invited to the evening do. I had already explained it was costing me £50pp and he was still mardy and told me not to bother inviting any of them. It has meant that I can now invite 6 friends in their place. Most guests have been very understanding when we have explained. It's a shame that his brother would behave like this, but it sounds like he is a proper drama queen!
I love my lickle Ava
CommentAuthorWifey2be
Not one of the bridesmaids, ushers, best man, are allowed to bring their parents to the day only the evening at my wedding, my parents as they are divorced are not even allowed a plus one! lol yet not one person moaned! :) chin up hun x x
CommentAuthorkimmy
Hope you manage to resolve this!!!!
CommentAuthorMrsC2B
Hey Ladies! Thank you for all your support and advice on this. We have written a letter outlining everything and it has been sent. He should have received it by now, but at the moment haven't heard anything back. I don't like the bad feeling it's creating within the family and our wedding. However I have come to the conclusion that if he doesn't want to suport us, that's up to him. xx
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
gud luck hun! sorry but ure bro in law sounds a rite c ock and if i dint get a proper apology i wudnt want him as a usher let alone a guest x
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorMandy
It is hard H2B has two sons and one of them was single then last week he announced he was moving in with her and guess what he will expect her to be invited to the wedding breakfast we are not having an evening do so this will cause upset as all the invites have gone out and they all have excepted i hope it works out for you and they understand x
I love my Ian cant wait to be his wife
CommentAuthorSherah
The only advice really, is do NOT let this ruin YOUR day. It's all about you, & he will be the one losing out. Just keep smiling and enjoy your planning and your special day xx
CommentAuthorMrsC2B
Thank you Ladies for your advice and support. H2B received a text yesterday informing us BiL2B was still not intending on coming to the wedding at all, despite our letter. H2B rang his parents to tell them, so his dad rang BiL2B and had a massive go at him. The latest is that BiL2B will come for the ceremony and then go again. I know this sounds heartless as he's H2B's brother, but I don't want him at our wedding if he's not there for the right reasons - to support and celebrate with us. I have a nasty feeling he'll be miserable and cause a scene. He will not be an usher and has decided not to go on H2B's stag do. I can't believe one person would be so petty. Basic maths still apply - 41 into 40 doesn't go! xx
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
just text him and tell him no thank you, we dont want u there unless u wat to be there for the whole thing to be there for us
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorleah
i agree wi mrs firth 2b!!! tell him to sod off and enjoy ur day xxxx
CommentAuthorOfficialMrsField
We are in a similar situation, my SIL was invited to our wedding, but seen as we booked it over two years ago now and still have a year to go...when we booked we had a limit of 75, which we selected without any problems, however, in the past year she has had a somewhat whirlwind romance and is due to give birth any day, but we simply havent got any extra room for the new fella or the baby...that's just how it is, we will not leave anyone off our guest list just so her new man (who we don't even know) and the baby can come. She said if they can't come then she won't either, which is her choice at the end of the day.x
About to marry the man of my dreams
Bring on 15/9/2012!!
CommentAuthorMorgsysGirl(kempy)
Hi hun, im agreeing with the other ladies. Its your day not the BILs and at the same time while your H2B will be dissapointed he isnt going to be part of his day. Its his choice for being stubborn. its not as if you excluded her the whole day she was invited to the evening. You'll probably find your BIL2b wants to be there and its his partner causing the problems. Chin up dont let it spoil your day! x
Married my soul mate 22-6-2012
Conceived baby 3 on our wedding day!
Due 15-3-2013 baby will join our two other beauties!
So glad I'm finally a Morgan!
CommentAuthorCarrieanne
I've said it on other posts and I'll say it again. You will always get 1 idiot who trys to ruin it for everyone. He is pig headed and selfish and tbh I'd tell him what the others have said, either be there for the full thing and right reasons or get tae! You will never please everyone so you should set out from the outset to just please yourself (and h2b of course!).
It is usually the closest that cause the biggest problems out of the smallest of things. My SIL was a nightmare and eventually hubbie told her to butt out as it wasn't her day and we weren't doing things for her and even when we went with one of her suggestions it still wasn't good enough.
As for your BIL2b saying you were dead to him, what a hurtful, spiteful, selfcentered, arrogant person he is! If that is his attitude, I'd deffo tell him eff off. xx
