We went to see the venue on Sunday, and have now booked it and paid the deposit (Yay!!) but took my parents and in-laws. My parents loved it, my dad got a little bit emotional bless him. Mother was happy, FIL too. But. Then there was the MIL.
She walked around just glaring at EVERYTHING and sighing and huffing. And at one point my H2B was outside with his parents, and I was indoors with mine and the Wedding Planner and as I came out I caught H2B saying "No, don't be like that, can you just wait till you've seen it all please?" and he refused (and still does) to tell me what she was saying! She had a face like a trout for our entire engagement party and in all honesty doesn't like me.
Everything I choose is awful, and everything he does is amazing. Despite the fact that he cancelled plans with her on Friday to go and have dinner with my parents (and without me!) the sun shines out of his backside and I'm this devil witch that stole her little boy. I'm worried that she's going to sit there miserable for our wedding too, and it upsets H2B because I get angry with her for it.
Anyone else having this problem, or got any advice besides "Ignore her"? I've tried paying her no mind, and it just makes her worse because she starts telling him that I don't like her.
CommentAuthorthelovelylisa
I dont have this problem as my MIL lives on the otherside of the world (thank god!) but I can totally understand your frustration!!! At the end of the day this is yours and your partners wedding and you have to have what you want! you have to remember that you cant please everyone but its your wedding day and you really should be pleasing yourself!
You could have a sit down with her on your own and explain you were a little upset by her reaction and ask her what it is exactly she doesnt like about the venue you have choosen? You should explain that while her thoughts and feelings do matter to you, this is yours and her sons wedding and she has to understand that this is the venue you both love! If she pulls her face after that then I would just get on with things and let her pull her face, if she wants to be childish and silly and there isnt much you can do about it, just try and not let it spoil things for you. Hope this helps hun x
CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
NOPE MY MOTHER IN LAW IS LOVELY
UKBride moderator both on here and on facebook
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
CommentAuthorSheWolf
Thanks Lisa, I think to be honest if the bride were different she'd like the venue :P But I've had a sit down with her before about her attitude and she insisted that the problem was mine. But I might give it a try. Thanks :)
Hails, I hate you. Lol. x
CommentAuthorKaz
my MIL is great, sorry!!! It's my mum that's the prob :0(
She sounds lovely!!! lol, I know how you feel in a way because my H2B's family really annoy the hell out of me cause they just dont make any effort whats so ever and he doesn't say anything but I know it really hurts his feelings! On his 30th bday his dad sent him a bag of liquorice!!!!!!!!!!! yes I know!!! no card, not even a note to say it was off him, we only figured it out cause no one else would of sent it! He didnt bother to send his own grandaughter a card on her 1st birthday! I find it distgusting but have to try and ignore it cause I get soooo worked up! families ey? pain in the neck lol xxx
CommentAuthorada
My MIL is 3000 miles away or a 3 1/2 hour flight, so we dont get into to much of this. Have found though that it is difficult to plan things and wanting them to have an imput is a bit difficult.
Hope you manage to compromise as much as possible
xx
CommentAuthorKaz
I wouldn't compromise at all, my mum isn't interested in any of the details but even if she was it's still my day and as we're paying for everything, I don't care what she thinks! It sounds like she's jealous of you as you are now her sons no 1!
WARNING:
I say the first thing I think of!
CommentAuthorIgnition
Luckily not, my MIL is absolutely fantastic, we didn't get on too start with, but when she realised I was going to be staying around and nothing they did, could drive me and H2B apart, she gave in, now we get on like a house on fire. xx
Can't wait to be Mrs Mansfield
Having a Fun Fair Reception
It's going To Be Awesome
Roll On The 15th September 2012
CommentAuthorMrsC2B
I think you need to have a chat with MIL2B by yourself SheWolf. Asking her about her wedding day would be a good ice breaker. You might even find some common ground and then you can bring her around to chatting about your big day. Definitely don't let her get you down though. Her son is marrying because he loves you. xx
CommentAuthorMel D
I don't have any problems with my MIL specifically, but everything's always about her, and if it isn't she will sit there singing! It's very odd! Also three days before our wedding she threw a tantrum becuase we'd bought her husband a purple tie so that he would go with the wedding party colors and she didn't want him to wear it becuase it wouldn't go with her outfit. Her outfit that she went anod bought on her own ... and it's not like she didn't know that the colors were purple and lilac. (And TBH the outfit that she bought would look perfectly good on a woman half her age) In the end her daughter went shoppig with her and bought her another outfit that would go with purple.
Got married Sat 28/05/2011
Renewing vows Sat 29/05/2021
We're planning WELL in advance!!
CommentAuthorloubylou
oh yes i am having trouble with mine! she isnt even coming to the wedding... coz she doesnt agree with it!! for gods sake H2B is 42 not 12! lol she doesnt mention my name when he is on the phone to her and if he mentions me, she just changes the subject like i dont exist. no ive not done anything what so ever she just dislikes me!! lol
21st October 2011 will be the best day of my life!!!
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
my problems extend to the post that she is now saying she wont come to the wedding ......why ? bc we wont have mr lalas nieces as Bm`s......if we had them we would have to have my nieces too
the only Bm`s we are having are my 3 daughters !! ....
she had called me and was chatting about all sorts then she asked about his neces i kept just saying that i would ask mr lala knowing full well that he would say no , sent him an email ( he works abroad) and asked him to sort it , when we went to see them she brought it up again ,i said nothing and Mr lala stood his ground ... she started saying to him," well she is getting everything she wants what about you they are your family etc etc ..." he still stood his ground and then she said well if you wont have them im not coming ...he said well thats your choice ........but all my fault then we went to a bbq for his dads bithday but left early as i was in alot of pain (9 days after shoulder surgery) ...as we went she was saying to me ..."whats the matter dont you like the company....arent my pain killers good enough for you ....."
Mr lala has now been gone since may 17th and i havent heard from her at all ...which tbh suits me fine
i am lucky that Mr lala is so on my side to the point that he has said he doesnt even want her there ...but we will send an invite out of manners
H2B has problems with my mother but then think most people do she makes every event a case of approach with caution. We have reached the point of only telling her things if we really have to got fed up of the constant blowing hot and cold at us but oh well i am determined she is not going to spoil it all for me
Going to become Mrs Stockman
Got engaged on 26th April 2011
Getting married 19th May 2012
CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
lmao just seen this! She wolf I'm crying now
UKBride moderator both on here and on facebook
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
CommentAuthortwestwood
I am also having a bit of trouble with my mil so I'm glad I'm not the only one! Mines is insisting she invites 17 of her friends to our wedding, even tho my h2b and I don't know them! I thought we'd get on fine as we had done for the last 3 years but all of a sudden she's changed! I thought I'd be nice and let her come dress shopping for me and although I told her I didn't want colour and fishtails wouldn't suit me she kept pickin them out I explained to her my bones won't change shape so I won't have a fishtail but her response was well I sincerely hope ur plannin on loosin weight before this wedding!! I was heartbroken! She Is also lookin me up and down and scowling and when I came out in my dress her response was is that it!! it defo put a dampner on the whole experience! She is also constantly calling me even tho my h2b works offshore as she wants to come round for scrabble nights! Seriously how old does she think I am!! She has also booked a photographer to come and take photos of us while we are at his brothers for a meal! Now to me this is just weird y would we want a photographer takin pics of us eating!?!
I hope this doesn't last 2 years!!!
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
toni at least yours wants to spend time with you .....Mr lala works away for long periods of time ...(i have seen him for 3 weeks so far this year ) and my Mil doent want to know me at all
i dont have this issue really but his parents and mine can nit pick at time just because like us they want everything perfect :)
cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
CommentAuthorSheWolf
Lol Hails - I'm just jealous. I'd love to be able to get on with her! I'm just fed up of her picking holes in everything. She's appalled by the fact we're having wedding cheesecake. "What a stupid idea!" and gets severely put out by the phrase "Well you're not paying, what do you care?" She wants to pay for our DJ but I just think it's going to be a case of "Well I'm paying, so I'm picking him." I imagine once she's resigned herself to the fact that her baby boy is marrying that nasty shewolf, she'll come around.
Lala yours sounds SO much worse than mine! She doesn't ask us to do anything, just sneers at whatever we do do.
CommentAuthoririshlass
Hi there
My MIL is fine its the FIL thats the problem believe it or not! the best thing for it.... be OTT sweet to her and force her to be involved i.e. what do you think then XX, its nice isn't it? . I know its hard and you will have to clench your fists to do it but it works for the following reasons..
1. She gets cheesed off that she isn't getting to you 2. She has no ammunition against you for your H2B 3. Wording questions like the one I have above IN FRONT of her son puts her in an awkward position because she will have to say yes its nice and if she says its not then you get to do the "O, ok" hurt bunny look and she becomes the witch
CommentAuthorKaz
OOH I love that irish!
WARNING:
I say the first thing I think of!
CommentAuthorSheWolf
I think if I did that irishlass it'd just come across as me being a sarcy cow. Lol. But it's a good idea! I might give it a try. It's just hard to involve someone when they're so against whatever you want.
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
i`m more than happy not to have much to do with her at all .....but i feel really sorry for mr lala ....she really upset him and if she doesnt come i dont think he will ever forgive her ...i keep saying to him that the people that do come will the the ones who loves and care for us
My cousin's getting married saturday, and her father has kicked off and said he's going to ruin her wedding because she ruined his life and she's now got security on the doors of her venue and they'll be checking people's cars to make sure they haven't brought him!! Suddenly MIL doesn't seem so bad...
CommentAuthorKaz
Oh thats awful shewolf, poor cousin! Hope she gets to forget about it and leave it in securities hands so she can enjoy her day!
WARNING:
I say the first thing I think of!
CommentAuthorSheWolf
Well they are bouncers that my brother knows (he manages a bar) so hopefully they will be pretty good, and hopefully her dad won't even bother to turn up as there will be a good 50 guests waiting to give him a kicking! Lol. I'm sure she'll have a great time, her dad's just... well, there are no polite words to use! Lol.
CommentAuthorKaz
lol, still an awful thing to threaten! BTW love your wedding cheesecake, was chatting to someone (might b here!)the other day who's having a wedding cake of cheese!!!
WARNING:
I say the first thing I think of!
CommentAuthormym72
I don't have a problem anymore - because she's officially been cut out of our lives!!!!
She drinks like a fish, is nasty, lazy and a low life - and actually thought she was coming to the wedding!!! When she finally got the message (politely) that she couldn't come (we made the excuse all the hotels were booked up at this short notice as we're getting married in Gretna) she went ballistic and started hurling abuse to h2b about me, down the phone.
The last straw was I rang her back to ask her what her problem was with me (this was the w/end we were visiting our venue) and she decided that I was 'rough' (I'm from a better family than her lol), and my family are the same (she's never met them) -then she told me that she hoped I'd DIE while driving on the motorway!!! Mmmm definitely wants to celebrate our wedding - NOT lol.
I must admit I gave her a few home truths before finishing the conversation - like her inability to actually want to work, her hypochondria, her alcoholism (which she is complete denial of) and the fact that h2b has a lovely dad and step mum (who are definitely coming to the wedding and who she has problems with). Then I offered her to meet me in person to discuss her accusations - funnily enough she didn't want to do that lol. So now h2b has had enough as well and has completely cut her off, including deleting her number from his phone (she only has a mobile so he doesn't know it). We know she won't ring our home phone either as we didn't even trust her enough to give her that or even our address.
CommentAuthorkrazykitty
i feel lucky the only thing my mil is a pain with is when she want things her way! at our engagement part everything was blue (our colour scheme) and she kept trying to get pink added in and it really bugged me plus i ended up having half an hor to eat and get ready as she kept getting me to bring stuff up to venue and decorate it and do this and that but from sounds of it i have it easy and apart from that and being a complete clean freak(in the nicest way she cleans at all hours of day and night!) she is the nicest mil i could hope for!
i hope you manage to get it all sorted out though hun xxx good luck xx
i cannot wait to marry my best friend
i love you ry!!!
engaged midnight 2009
Mrs Ryan Sheader (to be) lol :D
CommentAuthorWeeMintyMonkie
I havent read all the comments you have recieved but i feel for you!
My MIL to be is fantastic, shes so lovely and thinks i am the best thing to happen to her son. (he was a bit of a bad boy in his younger days)
Its my own mother that i am worrying about because no one is ever good enough for me.
i tell my H2B to be as nice as possible to her and tell him what may set my mum off and what he can get away with doing and saying infront of her (this sounds sooo much worse than it is but its not honest. hes just into rude dirty jokes and my mother is a prude)
Maybe you could ask your H2B for some advice on winning her over. Or even speaking to her yourself. Maybe saying that you feel she may not like you or that she may think you dont like her. See if you can maybe clear the air a bit?
Please let me know if you think i am rambling or saying something really dumb lol xxx
CommentAuthorTJ
MY MIL is a dragon! by the sound of it urs has nothing on mine!
My MIL will insult me in a roundabout way to my face and then when i ask her to explain what she means she just say 'oh i think u know'
Example: Im a personal trainer and train quite hard myself... she asked me what my dress was going to be like because muscles are not a good look in a wedding dress! i mean I am in no way like arnold swazengger... just lean and a bit toned!
Or even knowin full well a uk wedding wasnt an option she suggests it to my h2b when im not around and even offered to pay for more if we do it at home!
she has dictated to me that my h2b's niece 'will be a bridesmaid' when i dont want little ones there! and already told me her outfit will b blue so not to have it as our colour scheme!
id gladly swap!!xx
CommentAuthorSheWolf
TJ, when out to dinner the other night my MIL referred to me as a national bike because I've been ridden by men up and down the country. Lol. I got angry about it, and she then fake cried because she was "only joking" and I didn't know how to take it. And hey presto, I was the bad guy. But in the battle of the MILs I think it's a tie between lala and mym72.
MintyMonkie - I told my H2B that I feel like his mother hates me and he just says "I'm sure that's not it." We've had a blow out already and it was supposed to be fixed, but it got worse since he proposed. Lol. I might just set my mother on her instead. Sod it. Haha.
Kaz - I know, I LOOOVE cheesecake and it's what H2B calls me. Weird, I know. But that was why we chose it. Lol.
x
CommentAuthorSteph-Hughes-2b
my MIL is great as well, my problem lies with FIL!!
