My Nana is a devoted church go-er and she has strong opinins about church weddings normally I'd just tell her that it wasn't for us and be done with it. However she'll be 90 in September and she hasn't been very well latley so I've been urged by my Mam to have a church wedding to make my Nana happy. Arrrggghh!!!!!!
It's not even like my mother is being a demanding cow because she knows I'd tell her where to get off. She just keeps bringing it up and I feel really bad about it.
CommentAuthorricky
I have had this conversation so many times and still unsure. I think I err on the side of ..whilst I respect people's beliefs I personally don't believe..because of that respect, therefore, I wouldn't get married in a church making promises to a God i don't believe in, also i feel that to get married in a church for what to me are all the most un Christian of reasons e. g vanity..for the fact it is pretty and looks good on photos..is also disrespectful to people who do believe. However, there is a part of me that understands how we all want to please people who we love and so just go with it to make those people happy. It is a really hard one. Good luck with whichever you choose. xxx
CommentAuthorLiz3yy
Surely the fact that your Gran is a church goer has nothing to do with your wedding? why should you have to make your Nan happy and not be happy yourself? sorry but that is so wrong of your Mum.
Can't wait until the day I become Mrs. Johnson :)
CommentAuthorLisa Ramos
If I didn't believe in God, I personally would feel hypocritical getting married in a church. I don't think it will matter where you have your wedding, as I'm sure your Nana will have tears in her eyes no matter what kind of service you have.
I love my lickle Ava
CommentAuthorTinsel
@ Lisa x
07.04.12 - the best day of my life!
Living happily ever after as Mrs Nottage x
I agree with you Lisa, my H2B and his family are all religous and go to church weekly or in MIL2B's case almost daily (but Im not and I dont), and I wouldnt feel right getting married in church and lucky for me H2B totally understands and we are having a civil, I think as long as the reason behind the marriage is the right one your Nana will be happy for you. xx
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I wasn't fussed either way as long as we get married but it was important the the h2b to have a church wedding so we are having a blessing after the civil service. It means that we get the best of both worlds and in effect get married twice. I wouldn't however get married in church for anyone else. (they peeved me off big time over disabled access so I'm not their biggest fan) I know you want to please your nan but you shouldn't be forced to go against everything you believe in for her to be happy with you. Its like asking her to become a Muslim for you.
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I guess you wanted to compromise you could have your wedding your way and then have a small blessing afterwards for you nanna?
CommentAuthorPennylane
I think in general people try to make someone's wedding about everyone else far too much. I know people are close to their families but this is your wedding and only yours (I mean both of you), do it whatever way you guys want not to please someone else x
02.07.11
All you need is Love!
Why is the rum always gone?
CommentAuthorsuzky123
im not but my sister has been told that if her boyf proposes then he wants full catholic mass and will only propose to her if she agrees.... she wanted to get married in the zoo hmmmmm lol
cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
CommentAuthorgothprincess
Thanks ladies. I don't feel I can get married in church I take my vows VERY seriously so I feel I have to take the vows that I truly mean. I do feel really bad about it though.
CommentAuthorLisa Ramos
You know if you said exactly what you have sad, to your Nana I think she would totally understand. Your marriage vows are the important ones.
I love my lickle Ava
CommentAuthorgothprincess
Thanks hun maybe she'll understand but I doubt it.
CommentAuthorKye
edited
Im not being guilted to marry in a church but more of a case of having too as its hundreds cheaper. My hub2b is an athiest and im an agnostic so i feel like a hypocrit marrying in a church if we are not 100% religious but its about what we can afford.
Hope you sort something out hun the ladies have some good advice : ) xxxxxx
CommentAuthorricky
Registry Offices are the cheapest option I think..some are lovely ..some are not..that's the problem with them...you don't get to choose.
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
I am religious an go to Church every Sunday, doing Lent, and going to confession next week. Out of love for me H2B agreed on church wedding, and my mum would have expected a church wedding for me as well. As a practising person, I would think that it is hypocritical to make vows to a God that you don't believe in, but at the same time I understand your situation towards your Nana. I think you should talk directly to her, and explain your views about the wedding, if she still don't understand or accept them, fair enough have a Church wedding unless it would really upset you. Tricky one definitely. Good luck with final choice
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthormrs pinkalice
my nanny was disappointed to hear we weren't getting married in church and i felt really bad for ages, especially as she made no attempt to hide her disappointment whenever the wedding was mentioned! however, it is OUR day and has to be done our way. neither of us are particularly religious and don't go to church so i personally would have felt like a bit of hypocrit standing in church vowing to make God a part of our marriage when thats not what we believe! x
CommentAuthorSpecialSundae
GothPrincess - I know this sounds cheeky, but if you don't believe in God, why not just be honest with any minister you meet and let them refuse to marry you? I don't know if it would work, but surely they can't marry you if you're open about not believing in God?
CommentAuthorsarahwasabride
its your day and you shouldnt be having to do things to please other people. my mum has said a few things to me about what ive got on my wedding-e.g ive decided im only getting buttonholes for immediate family but mum wanted me to get them for all guests i had to say a firm no and she had no choice but to accept what i was saying. really best of luck in what ever u chose to do xx
CommentAuthorgothprincess
Thanks ladies.
Special sunday I think that would be the way to go if it got that far but it would be a last resort because I think it's a bit unfair on the viccar/minister to involve them.
I'm going to try to explain to my Nana that we're not religious and out wedding day isn't just abut the day the vows are important and it's important that we mean then instead of just repeating what the viccar said.
I just can't help feeling like I have let my Nana down but I can't help what I believe and I'm not sure weather I believe in god but I know H2B doesn't and our wedding like our marriage should be baised on truth and honesty.
CommentAuthorlilolill
hi gothprincess im the same HTB family is very religious and my family isnt at all!! His mother is normally very controlling an interfereing but supprisingly she hasnt been while i have been planning the wedding (it must be killing her) im really thankfull for this so when she approached us and asked us for one thing that we get married in a church we said we will. i know that getting married in a church is a bit hypocritical but i feel that it means more to HTB and his family to get married in a church than for me to not get married there! so in other words not getting married in a church is a big sacrifice if you are religious where as if you are not religious getting married in a church is not a sacrifice at all infact it is very nice :~) if not very scary.....
is very excited for our special day!!
CommentAuthorbarbie86
My OHs nan is very religious; I don't think my MIL2B has told her yet we're not having a church wedding as she'll probably go crazy/say we're living in sin, etc, and my MIL2B think we might rethink.
Neither my OH or I are religious: he is C of E, I'm Catholic; the last time I went regularly to Church was at the age of about 10 or 11, and I haven't been at all for the last 3 years (from 13 to 20 I went once a year for Xmas eve because my friends all went). My OH hasn't set foot in a Chruch for about 14 years. IMPO, it would be utterly hypocritical to marry in a church, plus I am just not comfortable with the idea: I don't believe in God, and I don't want to have to attend mass for months beforehand for the priest to agree to marry us. We would also have to marry in my parish and the Church is in a horrible location and just not very nice. Catholic priests can also be funny and will probably say we've been living in sin etc; my beliefs are utterly opposed to those of the Church and I could not stomach going against those and marrying in an instution that I am so opposed to.
I appreciate your nan is unwell but this is your wedding, and IMPO this is a big thing, as it is the ceremony itself; it's not like we're talking guest lists or themes here, or even location, we are talking the actual ceremony, and she should really understand that you don't have the same beliefs as her and that therefore it would be hypocritical of you to marry in a church.
@ Lisa x
