Wedding Forum - Another rant about the in-laws!!!...

hey ladies haven't been on in a while, it seems when I do its just to rant lol. This is probably going to be long so sorry in advance.

Those who have read previous posts about my "wonderful" in-laws will know how stressed they make me, well its another day another issue with them! As I've said before they interfere with everything they can, especially the wedding. The other day MIL called H2B and said that she would like us to ask SIL to sign the register and be a witness at the wedding and that we should ask her and it will be a nice surprise and seem like it was our idea not hers. H2B asked me about it and I wasn't exactly ecstatic about being told to do that. (when MIL asks for something it basically means do it or there'll be loads of **** to deal with) I said I guess its ok but that means I would want my best friend to be the other witness which he was fine with. So we both asked my best friend and she was so happy she was crying (she desperately wanted to be god mother to our daughters but we HAD to have SIL instead and she desperately wanted to be a bridesmaid but I am only having my daughters due to money/letting people down etc and was heartbroken when she knew she wasn't involved in my wedding)
We went over to the ILS at the weekend for dinner and MIL starts talking about her friend who she wanted to come to the wedding (think I discussed in previous post - we said they could come to the evening and she just nags about it constantly) She was saying that she was round at her friends the other day and her friend was saying not to give us anything if she and her partner weren't invite (a joke i assume) and MIL replied "its nothing to do with me, I'm not getting involved" - HA! H2B said that they are invited to the evening and MIL said "yeah I know (moody face) but its not the day is it?!" Nothing else is said and we all carry on eating.

Then SIL who has been with her BF for about 3-4 weeks and I have only met once and H2B only twice (bare in mind she changes her boyfriend as much as she changes her knickers) comes out with "BF has booked the day off work so he can definitely come to the wedding!" - How rude! she didn't even ask just assumed he could come. H2B responded "I'm not being funny but you might not even be with him by the time we get married, plus its £120pp and if we pay for him and you don't stay with him its a waste of money. Plus all the guest list and table plan is drawn up now and we'd have to change everything" to this SIL replies "well I WILL be with him, you don't even know if you're going to marry tash!" (even after 2 kids, a mortgage and planning a wedding obviously we would just split up like she does cause we got bored??) Then MIL says "you can't not invite her BF!" followed by SIL "I don't care he's coming whatever happens" Everything was left at this point and we carried on eating. I am not being harsh, if they were still together a month before the wedding and we had seen him a few times then of course we would have invited him but its just the cheek of not even asking. It made me so angry!
Tuesday came and I was speaking to my mom about it all and she said have you told your dad you aren't having him sign the register? I didn't even think about it and that's stressed me out even more! mom doesn't interfere she just knows me and knows I don't think about these things. Now I don't know what to do as I really want my dad to sign it and I've already told my best friend she can and MIL wants SIL to! I told H2B how I was feeling and said because SIL doesn't know anything about it then it won't actually affect her, why don't we ask her to do a speech instead. H2B thought it was a good idea and everyone wins. He called his dad and told him not to tell MIL because he knows she'll go mad but we had already asked my best friend ages ago (little white lie but only to make things slightly easier) and that H2B had forgot about it. He told FIL about the speech idea instead. When he got off the phone he said FIL doesn't think SIL will do the speech and she feels really left out of the wedding because she was "dropped as a bridesmaid" and she's not involved in anything. That H2B was always Grandparents favourite and SIL was always left out etc etc. Im sorry but that is NOT my fault and has NOTHING to do with our wedding!!! She took the god mother role off my best friend and I don't want her to take this off her. It is OUR wedding not the SIL SHOW!!!

I'm just so sick of trying to please everyone, this is supposed to be a happy time for us but its making me miserable. If its not that the ILS HATE the food choice its that they want to plan my hen do, have people there we don't want. I feel like screaming!!! Ive had a vision migraine every day for the past 3 days because of the stress. Sorry about how long this is and all the moaning just needed to let it out x

hunni you do what YOU TWO want and sod everyone else ... in years to come they will have got over it but you would be left thinging of what you wished you had done , they are grown adults behaving like 5 yrs old

and of course you could always SLAP THEM

Yes deof do what you do want! have your dad and have your best mate and if SIL dont like it then she can shove it up her jumper! She should be grateful you asked (or were going to ask) her to do a speech! Sod em all defo your day!

As for her boyfriend, I've got people who are family and best mates that are there for the full day event and ive already said to them if you have/are still with your partner when the time comes they're more than welcome to come to the evening do. Less stress and they totally understand.

Stuff MIL, and you should give the all or nothing option to ur SIL - thats what i do to people who really start to get on my wick! Say to her look you either come the wedding, come the wedding and do a speech or dont bloody bother coming at all!

POW!

xXx

I like the idea of slapping them!

Can your h2b sit down with both of them and tell up this is not on and as much as you appreciate their input forcing the issue is just causing you both stress and making you want to cancel the whole thing?and if they don't start being reasonable then they might as well not come at all?xx

Agree, definitely tell em where to stick it! You've put up with far too much already, it's your day, your way, and how ridiculous that SiL has invited her new boyfriend! At least you don't really have to worry about that, pick your battles, we're rooting for you!

hmmm ave never heard of dads signin register, its norm moh and best man x

oh what a nightmare. why is your mil being such a woof.. maybe she struggling with power and she comes across as a huge control freak! what about having the louder bark and see what happens, if you keep biting your tongue she may think she can get away with it and it will never end even years to come. where as if you speak over her and tell her what you decided might put the woof back in the kennel x

Awww glad the play thing got sorted! I love the line about how theyn dont apparently interfer!

I think you should maybe try sticking to your guns and not giving in but if it means an easier life for you maybe its for the best. Defo put em straight if they step outta line! Any roles they may have should then be forfitted as punishment

xXx

Aww thats good that he's on your side. You wanna swap inlaws? Can do if you want h2bs family are awesome! lol x

wow...your sil sounds so spoilt! i dont know how old she is but she sounds like my step kids who are 12 and 14 when they cant have what they want!

if i were you i would sit down with your h2b and explain all this and say it is down to the 2 of you what happens in your wedding and your life and his mum cant call the shots. if you let her do it now she will do it forever!

maybe write headings on 2 pieces of paper e.g

people to do readings
people to sign the register

any any other problems and you both write down what you want and then compare. if there are any differenes talk them through.
when me and ed were talking about readings/witnesses we said we both choose one person to do each. why dont you do that?

i hope this helps x