Ben decided to have a go at me about the "fuss" I am making about our wedding day. He says I wasn't supposed to tell anybody, I wasn't supposed to invite anybody. He wanted it to just be the two of us. Which I understand, but I don't think he realises just how much of our day I have cut out because he doesn't want "fuss"!! We are now getting married in a registry office rather then the Bath Spa Hotel like we originally agreed on. I have cut down to 2 bridesmaids from 5. I've cut the guest list down from about 100 to 40 (at the meal, the ceremony is only going to be 8!!). I'm not having the big dress I fell in love with. I'm not having the Audi R8 I had provisionally booked. He told me to cancel the Aston martin DBR I had booked for him. I've chosen a different wedding ring. I'm doing my own hair and make up. We're not having a photographer. I've cut out pretty much everything from our day and he STILL says I'm making too much fuss.

To say Im hurt, upset and annoyed is more then an understatement! Can he not see how much I have done?

I think that you guys need to sit down and talk. Ok you have to compromise but not to the point where you are miserable. It sounds like you have given up on everything you wanted. Is it money related or just because he doesn't want a big wedding? If it is purely he doesn't want the numbers etc that doesn't stop you from having the dress that you wanted. I would wear mine no matter what kind of wedding we were having. Its my dress.

Thats crap stuff!!

i cant believe how much you have given up, this day is supposed to be for the both of you!

i orignally wanted to get married in a church but my fiance didnt want to so we compromised on a beautiful building that i was happy with!
He needs to be more open to the day!
Remember its your day too!!!!

Thank you guys. It helps to have someone who understands! Lol.
He is worried about money, especially as I have just been laid off, but my family and his would help us out as much as they could. I think the main thing is that he doesnt like his family, even though they try really hard to help him. He therefore doesnt want them there. Especially as they think we're too young to get married and what not.
I've told him that I am having my family and friends there, and am planning on inviting his too as I dont not want them to be there for their eldest sons wedding. He will just have to put up with it. Im hoping to get money for our birthdays (november and january) and for christmas that I can spend on the car so I dont have to possibly walk in the snow. Lol

lol i think if u sent them the invites and then its up to them if they come or not at least then u can say u have tried also weddings are also about brings 2 familys together xxxxxxxxxx and i can understand about the money thing it seems to me as soon as u mention wedding a extra 0 is added on the price lol you and u cant be to young to get married if your in love and feel its right that all u need really me and my partner are only 21 and we no its thr right thing to do when have been togeher for 2 and half years and we feel its time to tie the knot lol xxxxxxxx and we are all here for u to rant and rave i think we all no how hard men are some times xxxx

lol tbh i think thats just men and he is probs stress about it all aswell lol and about u goin overboard ............ well we are women and its mainly our big day lol maybe just every now and then agree with something he like ig. any kind of table stuff and things like that lol to keep him sweet men are funny things lol

omg !!!!!! u should sit down with him and ask him because he cant just come out with that and then expect u to be ok with it thats not fair 4 u especially after all that hard work u have but in doin all the invites ect... put on the other hand send the save the dates and see where it goes from there ...... i cant believe he has said that thou with all the stress u dont need that aswell xxx

Could you not get all the costings together and show him exactly how you can afford to do it and that you have put so much effort and money in already it would be a waste?

wow you have done so well and fair enough he is worried about money! BUT this is the day you have been dreaming about since you were a kid!! you need to explain to him that its important to you coz it sounds like you feel your missing out now :0( xx

he sounds like he is being a bit of an arse about it (excuse me for being frank) but its your one day and should be special, are you sure he wants to get married? does he not see how much this means to you? :( stick in the huni and let him know that! I personally would not be getting married if that was my fiance, I do understand the concept of compromise, but you can't roll over and let him dictate to you who your inviting and how much of a 'big deal' your making. You can have more people to your wedding without breaking the bank (if its money thats the concern)

Maybe hes just stressed about money.... have the two of you sat down and done a proper budget and saving plan? Do you know how much help your familys will give? Im just thinking that if hes confident that you can afford it he may come round and if you cant then perhaps hes right to want to cut down?????

Its tough when its so close, my h2b had wobbles with about 4 months to go but that was mainly due to hassles with his family, as soon as that was sorted hes been ok but he had a couple of weeks where he didnt want the wedding we're having and just wanted us to run away on our own.... to me the most important thing is to get married and whilst I want the day we've planned if he was really unhappy about it Id have respected that (but would still have had my dress!!!!!)

Hang on a sec.... he was up till 7am playing a computer game making a computer family with 2 kids - so that means he obviously wants to get married and have a family with you??

You SERIOUSLY need to have a talk with him about what he really wants - a computer game is not an indication of anything! And staying up until 7am playing a game does not sit well with me......

Him taking you to Hobbycraft means nowt too - yesterday you were having doubts about what his intentions were - and you still havent talked it over.

You need to have this talk NOW, not later.......

oh i used to do this on the Sims games - I even created a neighbourhood with all our friends and families too.

Got bored of them now though :)

Me too Kimi! it's boring trying to make realistic relationships between sims cos they get annoyed too easily if you dont call them for a few days (hours)...

As Goff said.... just cos he was up making a family on the sims game doesn't translate to him wanting a family with you. I used to make familes on the sims with whoever my current bf was when I used to play it.

Seconded One Day Mrs Smith - me and Rich talk about everything - we never go to bed on an argument or just leave it and move on as you never get closure that way.

raekim and onedaymrssmith,you pair have really made me smile,youv really understood what marriage and a good marriage is all about,good on you both!!

I think i would be quite upset if after how ever long of ups and downs and not going my arse from my elbow ryan decided to "show me how much he cared" by sitting up all night on his computer. I wouldnt even give a monkeys what he had been playing. That time could have been spent talking, or cuddling etc....
If there is a problem, or even something that you are not totally sure of, then you need to be able to sit down as adults and talk about it...it is that, not your age, that makes a marriage.

Hey guys.
Ben and I had a chat this afternoon and he has apologised for everything. He said he's worried about money as I'm not working and he doesn't want me to throw myself into the wedding planning for it to not come to fruition due to a lack of money.
Every so often he stays up all night and plays games. It helps him calm down and helps him work out what he wants. Makes it MUCH easier to talk to him in the morning.
The thing with Ben is that he is a very closed off person. Therefore you need to be able to read him and his actions. Yes, him playing a game doesn't necessarily mean anything, but the fact that he has done things in the game that we have talked about (sending kids to a private school, having a dog, etc) He also spent the entire afternoon looking at baby grows and toys.

Like I said, you need to know Ben to understand him. We had our talk and he told me to book the register office (which I have done) and he is much better now

Glad you worked everything out x

Good to hear you sorted it x

I know what you mean to be honest, i think its a good sign that you know how he works. When to give him time, when not to and all that will probably mean a successful marriage. People don't get my h2b sometimes but we know each other inside out and i know why he does the things he does and vica versa. Glad you are back on track.

7am on a computer game though? i know people can get carried away on games cos i have had to get out of bed to tell h2b to get off his game at 1am but i doubt he would be able to stay up til 7am playing it! its just my opinion but why spend so long playing a virtual game if you've got it all in the real world???? xxx

lol i like it angelan xx

Aww, I'm really sorry that you feel so upset about this. I think you have compromised enough imo.... You definitely need to talk to him. What more must you do to make him happy? I think you have sacrificed enough.... I'd still get your dream dress though, no way would I compromise on that xx

Good Luck xx