I have 4x BMs, my two sisters, SIL and my 'best friend'.
One of my sister's lives on the other side of the planet so there's a limit to how much she can help but she's spending a fortune on flights to come. My other sister is making the wedding cake and helping me make the wedding favours and various other things all the whilst being very very unwell :(. My SIL has helped loads finding vendors and is doing all my flowers and has been immeasurably supportive.
My friend on the other hand has done nothing. I've paid for her dress, her jewellery, I'm paying for her hair to be done and I've bought expensive makeup for us to use on the day. I'm trying to make things as easy as possible and I've forked out a substantial amount on her. I've also invited her new boyfriend who I've never met before and it costs like £100 per head! I asked her to help plan the hen because the others are already contributing loads and have enough on their plates. She told me she'd love to and then didnt bother and the guests were messaging me asking if we can do something for my hen ourselves, so at the last minute I had to plan my own hen and let me tell you trying to find affordable accommodation in the UK this late in the day is really hard and was super stressful!!! I'm embarrassed and hurt that she just pretended she was organising it and hadnt even contacted any of the guests to see what everyone availability was. I've been engaged for two years it's not like there hasnt been time.
She's only coming to half the hen do (it'll cost less than 150 for the entire weekend and people have the option to save money by not doing certain activities) she doesnt work weekends so it's not like she would have to use holiday for it. But again, fine I didnt say anything about it.
Now I asked her to take the Friday off before the wedding, just one day to come to the rehearsal and help set up the reception venue. This is four months in advance and she's now saying she might not be able to because work might not let her... have one day off... four months in advance?? I don't buy it at all. Literally, the entire wedding party apart from her has been reliable and said yep you can count on us! I've also said she can stay in our guest bedroom the night before the wedding so she doesnt have to pay for a hotel but no she doesnt want to.
I'm honestly gutted. I would never expect anyone's life to revolve around my wedding but I dont think I'm asking much for her to just be there to help. The entire bridal party will be helping out and I kind of thought the point of bridesmaids was to be helpful because you care about each other. What do I do if she makes an excuse and bails out of the rehearsal because that would mean she has literally done nothing to help at all. Why should I spend over £200 on her hair makeup and attire if she cba to take one day off work to help us. Should I tell her I'd rather have someone else who'll give a crap and help? I dont want to have fights over my wedding but honestly I'm so fed up!
CommentAuthorAmyV711
I think its hard to tell. It might be that you are being a bit full on for her, but also she may be preoccupied with other things- her new bf, covid stresses, work, health worries. I'd maybe try and arrange to see her, face to face, for a really brave and upfront chat to find out if she's okay and what's going on. If you put it that your worried.about her, that she seems really flat and sad, don't make it about the wedding and see what's going on in her life. Sometimes we can get swept away in the excitement and expect everyone else to feel the same. I hope you sort things out x
CommentAuthorCassandraB33
Completley agree with AmyV711's post. I think the best thing is to speak to her face to face to see what is going on as there may be other things happening you're not aware of... and if there isn't, it is a good diplomatic way to go about it that can't reflect bad on you. I too wouldn't expect that reaction from a 'best friend' but there may be more to it. Hope things get resolved x
