I have 4 sisters, and one of them has got a beautiful son, he's 3 in august, and I love him to pieces, well She gave him up, and this broke my heart, but my mum and dad took him on if we promised to help (me and my two younger brothers, they're now 13 and 15) so not really fair on them two, but still we all said yes, and so far we've been doing fine. But now me and my dad are both really bad with our backs, I can hardly walk even a few steps, and my dad, he is stuck in bed most of the time atm, but has the occasional better day when he can walk about a bit. My mum is managing fine for the minute and his mum has at least started to visit him every now and again, so that's a little better, but things are still difficult for my mum.
Anyway, now I'm engaged and a bit older (19, I was 16 at the time) She's put me in the will as his guardian if anything happens to her as my dad can't cope on his own, but with kevs help, we could just about manage him, but I wouldn't see him in care, or back with his mum until pigs start flying and she makes a drastic change. Well the other week she found out that I was his next guardian if anything was to happen, and she started to give me abuse down the phone, She said I could never be a good mum because I'm disabled and that I'll never have her son. The first part hurt me a lot, I'm no different to anyone else, I'll be no different when it comes to being a mum! I just keep thinking about it and it hurts so much, because I want a baby more than anything.. but with my back how it is, I may never be able to carry my own child :'( and I've done more for my nephew than she has ever done. When he was a week old I even had to take him off of her in the bus station because he was wet through without even a jacket or hat on! I don't know what she was thinking, but I took my coat off and swaddled him until I got home, where she'd left no clean bottles and he was screaming hungry! I could have killed her!

So, reading that, can anyone else see why i'm still upset over this comment, or am I just being daft? x

Ooh, and I know after reading the above some mothers will probably be mad, but please don't pull her down, after all, she's still my sister!

hunni she sounds scared to me ....i think you were just the outlet for everything . can i ask has she had anyhelp for any problems she might have?
i agree she should be grateful for what you and your family have done for her maybe she nows see what she could have been.i totally understand when people say i couldnt have done that, (there have been times when i said that then did the opposite) but until you are in that place both physically and mentally you really dont know what you are capable of doing .
She said those comments as much to hurt herself as to hurt you hun,i get the feeling she doesnt know how to put things right ......she needs to talk and get help

aww she does sound ungreatful but maybe she is scaired she probs knows that you will be a better mum than her and it makes her feel ashamed xxx
try to talk to your sister and let her know that if you do become the childs legal guardian you will still let her see him xxx

all the best i really hope things work out for ya xxx

Thanks ladies, I just didn't know if it was silly to still be letting this bother me, but by the sounds of it, none of you would feel any different.
I don't know if she's suffering from PND I've tried talking about it before, and once when she was drunk (cause that's why she left him, cause he didn't fit in with her social calender, he was just there to show off to her friends, then when they'd all seen him, she got bored) she phoned my mum up shouting down the phone to let her see her son - my mum never has and never would stop her from seeing him - And no matter what my mum said, the answer was always something that didn't even fit with what my mum had just said, then we realized she was playing up to the crowd.

I hope for my nephew's sake before he gets any older that she hurries up and makes a drastic lifechange, because I think that where ever possible a child should be with his/her mother! And if she does it soon, he's still young enough to not really remember her neglecting him, so he'd not resent her in any way. But there is only a tiny sign of hope.. so i'm not going to hold my breath.
I just hate to see him hurt when we tell him she's coming and she doesn't show. Or when she promises to take him out when she knows that social services have said she can't be alone with him.

And thanks for all saying I'll be a good mum, I hope that after the wedding if i'm well enough we can start trying, or if i'm not we can start saving for a surragate to carry our child. I've always wanted a baby though, since I was about 10 I knew I'd want kids as soon as possible (but for some reason I've always wanted savings to fall back on too, so I always save loads of money, lol).

that is awful. good on you for sticking it out with your nephew even with your condition. i bet you are more of a mother to him then she could ever be. I really admire what you have done, and i understand that this has hurt you but i think that lalabunni is right she needs help. have social been informed with all this? as they may need to know incase she does fight for him back to spite you. it could be also a case of jealousy as she knows how much better you are at the maternal side of things and she may know that she hasnt got it in her to be a good mum. I think the idea of you and your fiance taking him on together is a lovely thing. because even if you find you cant have children it is a start for you. there is still the family bond there.

I wish you the best of luck with your nephew.
xxx

Your not silly hun, trust me, I know first hand where you are coming from, my sister gave up all 3 of her boys, my mum and dad are now their legal gardians. Shes'll vanish for a year or so and them always pop back up, its whats shes always, and I can see always will, do! Her boys were 6mths, 4 and 6 when shes left them, they are now 10, 14 and 16, and I'm hoping one day they will see whats she done to them and understand. I've tryed talking to my sister many a time, I give up now, shes made her bed, and the boys are way better off with my parents. But she has said many hurtful comments to me, shes got me blacklisted by using my name to run up hugh credit cards when I was only 16, shes stole things of me and my parents when shes come round that house, and I still to this day get very mad and upset thinking about it. But you have to learn to ignore it, at the end of the day she says thoses things cos she deep down wishes she had what you had, and it sounds to me like your gonna be an amazing mum, for a start your there for you nephew, whenever he needs you, and thats what makes a great mum. Hope it all works out for you hun, just remember to try and be there for your sister too, I wish I still had a good relationship with my sister, shes done way to much to the point I cant stand her now, but there is still hope for you, good luck hun! xx

Disabled or not, you will be a brilliant mum just because you love this ltitle boy and want what is best for him, you are so amazing for even taking that on at such a young age let alone putting your hands up and saying "yes thats fine I would be more than happy to be his guardian". Personally, I think that alone just proves what a fantastic person you are and that you will be amazing for your Nephew xxx