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Wedding Forum - Am I overthinking this?...

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  1.  
    • StaceyH989
      CommentAuthorStaceyH989
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 3rd 2016
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi Ladies,

    I am in need of your help again!! Apologies if this is really long winded but its the only way to explain:

    So me and the H2B have decided to set a guest list so we can stick to the minimum/maximum numbers of the venue. I came up with a guest list of min 60 in the day and 80 in the evening with a maximum of 75 in the day and 105 in the evening. Now here is where it starts to get tricky I like the 75 max list because both families have a equal split close family and friends are invited, and no one is likely to find offense. Then In-laws stick there nose in and say no one should be invited that we haven't spoken to in two years (that would mean all of FIL's family would miss out) then they stated we should invite cousins plus one (which is a contradiction to the first statement as H2b has not met any plus ones or seen some cousins in 2 years).

    Still with me?? Good, so I said to H2B there are people I haven't met and people he hasn't met but they are still close family so we should invite them and plus ones in the evening which I thought was fair?

    However H2B now wants to put cousins and plus ones all in the evening which would mean an unequal split in families as all my cousins are young (all under 16) and all his cousins are 18 +. I think if we did this people would get offended due to the uneven number and all my cousins being there.

    So am I overthinking this or should we just go back to the drawing board and start again? Once again sorry if it is over complicated I am starting to realise my family and his combined is not an easy one to deal with. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
  2.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 3rd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    if it was me i would prefer to go your way with it, it really should be as fair as possible. When nobody else is around talk to h2b about it and explain your worried away from any other in-putters, your wedding your rules.

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  3.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 3rd 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    First of all I wouldn't worry about having equal numbers on each side as it's really not important... I had more family there on our wedding day than my OH did, but he just has a smaller family than me. Plus there was family on his mum's and his dad's side that weren't invited for various reasons. It didn't make a blind bit of difference to us - everyone is one family anyway joined together through us. For the ceremony we asked everyone to "choose a seat not a side, we're all family once the knot is tied" so that we wouldn't have one side much more full than the other, and for the wedding breakfast we mixed our families up anyway.

    Secondly, I know it's easier said than done but don't feel you have to try and please everyone, because you never will. Someone will always have something to say no matter what you decide, so invite who you want to the day. If you've managed to make two lists, you already managed to cut down on day people, which begs the question to me - do you really want them there?

    Hope you manage to come to a decision as stress-free as possible. Just remember at the end of the day it's YOUR day x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  4.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 3rd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I wouldnt worry about equal numbers hun. Just invite who you want there nit whats fair for everyone else.
    My partners side is very big and mine quite small.... It doesnt bother me. I even invited people that i knew would cause frictions but its up to you at the end of the day not everyone else

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  5.  
    • StephH96
      CommentAuthorStephH96
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 3rd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    You invite who you want, it's your day. If you can afford the people you haven't seen/spoken to in a while then that's great. I do think a wedding is a great excuse to get everyone together.
    Now if you are really stuck for numbers or tight on money then maybe the 2 year rule would be a good way to cut down, but not something to live and die by.
    Plus as you have already pointed out, they are being a bit hypocritical saying only invite people you've spoken to in the last 2 year but invite cousins and +1s regardless of when you last spoke to them!
  6.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    i wouldnt worry about equal numbers either, if you are close to your family and he isnt as close then im sure his cousins will understand and be grateful for been invited in the first place! x

    Members signature icon
    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  7.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Don't worry about unequal numbers and do what is best for you and oh without the in laws butting their noses in!
    My family makes up 75% of our guest list but that's because I have a bigger family.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  8.  
    • MaxineP89
      CommentAuthorMaxineP89
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Unless either set of parents are paying for the wedding, then the guest list is entirely down to you and your other half.

    I have a bigger extended family than my OH, and we are not worried at all about the numbers being uneven.

    I do like the 2 year rule though. In fact, I've just had another look through our guest list and there is nobody on there that we haven't seen in the last 6 months

    Looking forward to becoming the 3rd and last Mrs McLauchlan


  9.  
    • EmmaM1435
      CommentAuthorEmmaM1435
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
      edited
     
    It's yours and your OH's day, stick with your original idea. Mine and my OH family is very uneven, with OH only having 1 uncle, where as I've got 3 aunts, 2 uncles and then all their partners, because it is such an uneven split, we've agreed that our extended families are only invited to the evening. Because we felt once we'd invited one, we'd have to invite them all, and that would have put us way over on numbers, and would cost us an extra £800, so not affordable.

    With other guests, we have taken the stance of, if they've not had an impact on our relationship in a positive way, they're not invited, this is due to same reasons as above

    Stick to your guns tho, it's your wedding and your guest list
  10.  
    • MrsPrestleton2be
      CommentAuthorMrsPrestleton2be
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    We have a very uneven number for our wedding so its main family (parents, siblings, siblings partners and children) and a few close friends to the day and it's everyone else on the evening. I've also cut people out who don't bother seeing us.
    It's your wedding not the Inlaws. You do it In the way that's suits you best

    Members signature icon
    met 2008
    Engaged 2010
    Married 16th September 2016
    I Married my soul mate, my best friend, my life!
  11.  
    • StaceyH989
      CommentAuthorStaceyH989
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 15th 2016
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks very much for the advice Ladies, we have decided to go with the 75. I explained to my H2B that it would be easier to invite a larger number than a smaller number and keep swapping people from the evening. I really do appreciate all the help :)
  12.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 15th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Yes I wouldn't try and do equal- invite who you want- I have more in the day than OH and he has invited more work people for the evening but it doesn't bother either of us- we've done what we think is right, invited some cousins just to the evening and some to both and some I just don't see and actually I don't count as cousins as my uncle remarried and it's her kids so to me I don't really want them there but to not be political invited them to the night and hope they won't come!

    Wedding lists are a nightmare, especially when you start asking parents! Put your foot down and do what you want- that's what we have done!

    Members signature icon



  13.  
    • MaxineP89
      CommentAuthorMaxineP89
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 15th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    We asked both sets of parents at the start of the planning process, if there was anyone whom they would like us to invite to the wedding. Luckily for us, neither set of parents wanted to intrude on our day by inviting anyone who WE might not want there, and so the guest list was completely our decision.

    My Oh doesn't have any friends as work - he keeps himself to himself, so wont be inviting anyone.
    I have about 20 guests invited from work, so apart from family (and my side is bigger than his) the rest of our guest list is made up entirely of our mutual biker friends.

    Looking forward to becoming the 3rd and last Mrs McLauchlan


 
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