So like all you lovely ladies on here, I watched the Superscrimpers episode the other day and was very interested to try and make my own wedding cake, and asked my friends on the book of face if i could get ready rolled icing in supermarkets. Then, because I don't bake at all, I asked MIL2B for a simple sponge cake recipe and explained that I was going to try and make my own cake. She then went online and sent me three different recipes for sponge cake/Madeira cake and tried to convince me that it would be harder work than it looked, and that I would need marzipan and allsorts.
Anyhow, at work today my phone went off and there was a picture message from my MIL2B. A picture of a wedding cake (pic in album). Turns out she had gone into a hobby shop in nearby Horncastle and bought loads of cake decorating stuff and then gone home and baked a 2-tier replica!! (Only 2 tier because it had to be eaten).
Now don't get me wrong I LOVE my MIL2B very very dearly as she has been more of a mum to me than my own mother, but the reason I had asked for the recipe was because I wanted to make this cake. I know that she can bake because I have sampled many of her lovely creations. Am I being selfish in thinking that I should have been the only one to try and make the wedding cake? I know she wants to be a big part of this wedding as H2B is the baby of the family and the only one that lives near home now. Should I just compromise and ask to help make it with her next time? Or should I say something to her.
By the way tasted the cake tonight and it was gorgeous and probably tasted better than mine would have but all I wanted to do was try!!
N xx
Became Mrs Dawson on the 8th June 2013 :)
Date twins: MrsEminson2B kirstyford
Expecting Mini D in July 2014 :)
CommentAuthorLulu1388
edited
It is very hard work making your own cake but definitely a gratifying & happy moment when you see what you have created! How nice of her to go and do that, I can see where your coming from though!
You could always have a quiet word & explain as grateful as you are for her hard work you would like to have a go yourself as its something you'd quite like to do, but if it fails after a trial run she will be first on the reserve list? And you'd be honoured for her to create your big day cake?!! xx
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
CommentAuthorNinaDawson
edited
I agree, it is nice, and she's done an awful lot already, including buying decs for the reception venue, paying for the honeymoon etc etc, and my parents have done sod all. So i at least wanted something to do myself to sort of prove that not everyone in my family are loosers and we can actually achieve something. It may have just been the fact that I have been off work for 3 weeks and today was my first full day back and with it being quite a draining job the tiredness and then the picture coming through just made me get my heckles up... I don't know :(
N xx
Became Mrs Dawson on the 8th June 2013 :)
Date twins: MrsEminson2B kirstyford
Expecting Mini D in July 2014 :)
CommentAuthorLulu1388
Oh I can imagine what it's like having her involved in everything & I know at back of your mind it's playing up about the fact your parents aren't as involved but at the end of the ay, it's your day & you can only be expected to take so much!
If I was you, take a day or so to chill, get used to being back at work etc. it's like it's all bombarded you in one go & you just need to let it all breathe for a bit. Then come back and reassess the situation, maybe have a go at the cake yourself. If its not perfect, so what, doesn't mean you've failed or anything like that. It means you've achieved something you've set out to do & got there! Then try it a couple more times to practice but if you feel it'll become to stressful then maybe ask her if she will do it for you.
I was going to do mine but I can see myself getting way to stressed as it is let alone 2 days before over a cake! It may be more hassle than its worth!! X
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
CommentAuthorNinaDawson
Oh trust me it's not at the back of my mind, its right at the front. It's like she's trying to prove a point, because she doesn't like the way my parents are treating me and H2B, so she's doing everything in her power to get one up on them.... She probably isn't and that's probably the tiredness talking but that's how it feels to me. TBH i use it that way too, telling my parents all the nice stuff that her and H2Bs Nan is doing to try and make them feel bad about not contributing at all but so far, nothing.
But this just feels a step too far as she was saying how the cake was on a tilt and "next-time" she knows how to rectify it. She knows that I want to bake it as I explained it on the phone. I'm not one for confrontation, so probably won't even say anything, I just feel a bit disappointed that she got there before me and it made me wish that I hadn't even said anything and that I had just used google myself.
N xx
Became Mrs Dawson on the 8th June 2013 :)
Date twins: MrsEminson2B kirstyford
Expecting Mini D in July 2014 :)
If she is a seasoned baker then she knows how hard it is. I'm sure she was probably thinking along the lines of "they want to make their own cake to save some pennies but I know how hard it is and I don't want DIL2B to be upset. I know, I'm good at making cakes maybe I'll make one and then she'll know that if she's struggling she can always ask me for help."
Just say to her something along the lines of "Wow, yours looks great, hopefully mine will be as good, but if not any help or pointers you can offer would be great. I really love the idea of making my own wedding cake so I'm going to try my best." that way you haven't said you don't like her cake, you haven't said you don't want her help and you've got across the point that you want to do it yourself.
I don't envy you though, I am the worlds worst baker. Generally I get things to taste nice, but my presentation and technical skills are pants!
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
I think the first step would be to do your own trial - your mil may have jumped the gun, but you ned to know if you could actually do it yourself, bearing in mind that sponge cakes (I think) have to be baked quite close to the day and you may find that there are other things you want to be doing and this would just add to the stress. If you aren't happy with the result, you can just be glad that you never said Nything to mil!
I had a go with a fruit cake and it turned out rather unbrilliant, but I think I could have managed it with a few more attempts. However, I have now decided to buy one as less hassle.
I do know how you feel - I really wanted to make my own brooch bouquet but I told my mum about the idea and she went ahead and started making one anyway...which I didn't really want but I let it slide because my mum is not in a position to financially contribute which I know upsets her and this is her way of contributing. I'd still much rather make my own though.
If you are confident you can do it on your own, explain that you have always wanted to do your own wedding cake, and as she is doing so much already, it would be great if she could run through a trial with you and help you with it, but you really want to do it xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorB2B2017
Maybe you could bake the cake and decorate it together? That way you have her guidance so at least you know your cake will turn out fab for the big day? xx
Planning to perfection
CommentAuthorKirstyM3690
Could you both help with the cake! as leading up to the wedding with all the final touches and baking may b 2 much!
Or you could ask her 2 show you tips etc..
Yay..Soon Be Mrs Castle
3rd july 2013
Cyprus
CommentAuthorLulu1388
before confronting or saying anything, like i and other ladies suggested have a go yourself and take it from there. Definitely like what the other girls have said about getting your MIL's advice about how to do this/that etc. And yes you probably were thinking things wayyyy to hard as you were tired, but the point is you thought them and stressed yourself out over them so you need to step back and breathe before you do anything!
Sponge cakes do need to be made right near the big day, hence why ive decided against doing it myself and unfortunately more people DON'T like fruit cake than do so can't just use fruit cake! But give it a go and ask for pointers from her as she seems to know what she's doing, yes she jumped the gun a bit there but if you say its what she does all the time well it wouldn't be any different now would it? But im sure she'll understand if you speak to her gently and explain the situation in a way like how TeganandRob suggested..
Hope it works out for you and happy baking :) xx
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
CommentAuthorKellyB81
Like the others have said she probably thought she was helping and showing you she can help and do you a favour. I know what you mean though it does become overwhelming and make you feel like they are taking over! Try and make one yourself if that's what you want to do and then talk through it with FMIL - I'm sure between you you can make a fantastic cake for your special day without either of you feeling as if the other is wanting to go it alone - 2 heads will be better than one :-)
Good luck xx
Kelly x
CommentAuthorKirstyJ22
From what you said about her saying she knows how to rectify the tilt, it seems like she's trying to prove to you that it is hard work and that's why she's doing it because she knows how. Which is very nice of her to do but I'd be the same as you especially as you have told her you wanted to make it, she could've at least let you have a go and if it didn't go right, then step in and help. I would probably suggest asking to do it together, but then will she take over? Very sensitive subject really since you don't want to hurt her feelings but it's your day so you should do it if you want to x x
CommentAuthorPrincess2be
Could you maybe work on it together as a project? I think this would be good as you said you get on really well together. x
CommentAuthorLegoWife
Your page is restricted by the way Nina, so we can't see your albums. :(
I think unless you're good at baking cakes already making your own cake is a no go. I mean you can try... but when you've got someone who can make good cakes already and is more than willing to do it for you then that can only be a good thing. I think you're reading too deep into her reasons for doing it and I'm sure you don't need to prove yourself by doing things by yourself, especially if they're things that're hard to get right! I think TeganandRob has the right idea.
By all means try and bake a cake as a trial and see how you feel about it. But I don't think your MIL2B is trying to spite you by doing it.
Also I'm sure there's plenty of other things you can do to put your own stamp on your wedding, make your own invites, centre pieces, bouquet or something instead?
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthorSam
I so agree with Lego on this. I'd be so happy if someone wanted to do this for me because of the time/timing involved in making the cake.
CommentAuthorHayley Elizabeth
I think it's such a lovely thing for her to do hun, i bake myself and have made many birthday/christening cakes etc for friends and family. I know how stressful it can get to do. I had contemplated baking my own wedding cake but then i thought of the stress of having to make it as close to the wedding as possible could be too much on top of everything else. xx
CommentAuthorstarbabe78
Ninaf52 i was wanting to make my own wedding cake so as to save sum pennies so i started going to sugar craft classes and then my h2b birthday came along so i decided to make a cake for him i mean it turned out ok a bit lopsided but it didnt matter it was the first time i had ever baked a cake and decorated it with sugar paste etc... everyone loved it and i'm goin to make another for my mams 65th and FIL's 70th as i now have a bit more experience....
However i will not be making my own wedding cake as it was the most stressful time ever and i want it to be perfect there is so much planning and preparation involved that you dont realise how hard it is and i think there is going to be enough stress as it is when it comes closer to your wedding day.....
I dont see any harm in trying to make your own cake just to say you have tried then if it fails tell your Mil you would be delighted for her to make your cake but could you help aswell that way you will have some input into it and maybe's feel a little better.. if it was my decision i would let her make it if you no she is good then you can save some money. xx
CommentAuthorNinaDawson
I've had a think about it now that i'm not so tired. Still feel a little peeved about it, but not as bad. It was a lovely thing for her to do, and I think I'm just going to ask to be involved next time.
Page is unrestricted now ladies. Forgot I had changed it to try and get rid of the silly ads on my page
N xx
Became Mrs Dawson on the 8th June 2013 :)
Date twins: MrsEminson2B kirstyford
Expecting Mini D in July 2014 :)
