Wedding Forum - Am I being petty? - Page 1

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Wedding related rants: [Sink] Am I being petty?

1 to 23 of 23

- CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
Ok, so I need to give a little bit of background for this to make sense! At the end of May my best friend got engaged to a bloke that no one likes and is very controlling of her (I actually had a thread on this!). Well I was talking to her the other day and they have decided to get married on 30th May 2014 and I wont be married until 30th August 2014. Just to be clear, I have no problem with her getting married before me, although I am hoping it wont happen with this particular bloke! After this she also said that she wants to ask my dad to give her away as he is the closest thing she has to a dad (her dad took his life 6 years ago, but she had not seen him since she was 5 and she has no other male relatives). Now I told her that I thought she should really ask her mum as she has bought her up and I think she will be hurt not to be asked to give her away. She told me that she wanted it to be a male so her mum was a no no and it would mean a lot to her if my dad would do it. Here is where my problem lies, and I need to know if I am being unreasonable or not. I love my friend to bits but I feel that it wouldn't be right my dad giving her away when he hasn't even given his only daughter away yet. Is that petty? I think my dad would do it if she asked him as he knows everything she has gone through but I can't help but feel it is not right. What do you ladies think? xxx

Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
- CommentAuthorLauraJo87
A tough one...

I would say yes to her in an instant if you had your wedding first, but it would leave a bit of a sour taste in my mouth if I knew on the day that my dad had already done something similar before for a friend, particularly as your weddings will be so close together.

I think you need to talk to her and explain how you feel. Or talk to your dad, he might reassure you that it won't mean the same if he does.

However if you are not comfortable with it, you will just have to be honest with her, it's your big day xx

My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013

The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
- CommentAuthorJulieW20
Nah I can see where you're coming from, I wanted my mum to give me away but since I'm really close to my stepdad she suggested/ we discussed him doing it so he feels more a part of the whole thing-plus his own daughter didnt have him to give her away her *itch of a mum did- stepdad chuffed and proud to do it for me. Point is, he's YOUR dad. She needs someone to do it like a brother, an uncle... Can't see why she'd not have her mum do it tbh, her mum would feel so honoured and proud, it's not unusual at all these days. Your day should be about family and friends and love- it sounds like she wants your dad to replace hers almost and considering his own daughter wont be married by this point it feels all wrong to me just reading it.

I think I'd sit down and tell her you feel uncomfortable, you want your dad to give you away and it be a special moment that he's never had before- to walk your friend down the aisle before you would ruin that for you.

Did any of that make sense? lol xx
- CommentAuthorHayley Elizabeth
Oh god, i totally understand. If your his only daughter then by rights you should be the first he walks down the aisle. If she's anything of a good friend, i'd explain this to her and be honest with her. Support her decisions but express how you feel, after all he is your father and i don't think that i would like being in your situation. I'm very selfish with my father, i love him to bits and i have another sister and two brothers but they are all married with children now so i get to have him all to myself. Sounds selfish and i know it's selfish but i don't care! He's my Dad! lol!

I don't know, its hard as it's really nice that she feels that way. Maybe say to her that you don't mind but if that's what she wants then can she wait to get married after you as by rights you should be the first he walks down the aisle. Feel like i'm repeating myself now so i'll stop ranting on your behalf!

All this aside, i think her request is unfair on you and maybe she just doesn't realise that? xx
- CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
  
  edited
I have spoken to my dad and he said that he isn't sure about how he would feel giving her away before me either (he is very much a traditionalist) but he would also feel bad if he said no and she ended up with no one. If she was getting married after me I would be fine with it! It's just because it is before! And I am very much a daddy's girl! lol xx

Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx

- CommentAuthorLegoWife
  
  edited
Would it be too harsh for you to tell her if she wants your dad to give her away could she move her wedding to after yours? He is your dad after all it's not really fair on you for him to give someone else away before his own daughter.

I'm sure she wouldn't end up with no one to do it anyway, wanting a male to do it isn't a good enough excuse not to ask her mum in my opinion. It should be someone that means a lot to her not the closest male that would pass for it.

~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
- CommentAuthorMariephiz
I think thats a little unfair of her really, I wonder how she would feel if the show was on the other foot (I know that couldn't happen though)

There is no way I'd let any friend of mine have my dad walk them down the aisle before me! I hope you manage to sort it out between you both x
- CommentAuthorHalebob85
I agree with the others. Have a chat to her and say that if she really wants your dad then she needs to have her wedding after yours.
She may see it as selfish but just try and get her to understand. Can't believe she doesn't want her mum. I know I would if I didn't have my dad around.

Met August 2003
Started planning 2012
Getting married 29th June 2014
- CommentAuthorBrideInTraining
hmm that is very tricky it obviously wouldnt be even close to how he would feel giving you away after all you are his daughter. perhaps if no one likes the man shes marrying and your friend sees your father as a father figure he could say hes not sure hes right for her and use that as a reason that he doesnt want to give her away to him, harsh as it sounds she may actually take his advice strongly. But really if she asks him and he says yes then i dont think theres much you can do without people accusing you of having a 'tantrum' as they do. ohh i do really feel for u :/ xx
- CommentAuthorBrideRAV
I whole heartidely agree, its not fair of her to even ask of that, and tbh would you feel comfortable with your father giving away your friend to someone that you don't think even deserves her? It would make me feel very uncomfortable. Hope things get sorted sweetie x
- CommentAuthoremmaaa
I agree with everyone else, it's lovely that she thinks so much of your dad, but it's not at all fair of her to expect him to give her away before you. Definitely tell her you'd feel uncomfortable with it, if she's reasonable I don't think she could argue with that.
- CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
am sorry but i am gunna disagree..... its walking sum1 up the aisle?? its alot to father n daughter but all she wants is a man that means sumting to her to do it! what wud u of done if u had an older sister got married first? obviously its gunna be totally different to walkin u up the aisle!!! and u will have different guests too??

Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
- CommentAuthorPrincess2be
I agree with the majority. I would feel the same to be honest and feel uncomfortable and gutted that it wasn't me first but maybe im petty too. lol
- CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
i agree with others xxxx hugs xxxx

Ill marry my hero
- CommentAuthor
i think shes being unreasonable, as you said you want your dad to give you away first! maybe she could change the date?
We booked our wedding last july and then h2bs dad decided he was going to get married in april this year and asked our sons to be pageboys! i was gutted that they were going to be pageboys for someone else first but i agreed anyway!
I think its a lovely idea that she wants your dad to do it but maybe if you voice your concerns she'll rethink?
xxx

met the man of my dreams 22/09/2006,
Had our amazing twin boys 16/05/2008
Finally becoming Mrs Davies on 31/08/2012 will make me the
happiest lady alive :-)
- CommentAuthorPrincess2be
At the same time its not going to mean the same to your dad as walking his own daughter down the ailse so you have that as an adavnatge!
- CommentAuthorShirleygirly
I don't think you are being petty at all. My Dad has already given my Sister away and that is totally expected, if she was your sister it would be fine but she's not. She needs to reconsider asking her Mum to give her away and consider the the awkward position she is putting your Dad in as well as stealing your thunder.

I have to say that if any of my friends get engaged now and then have their wedding before me, I quietly seethe. I'm not really a bridezilla but I've been to enough of my friends weddings since our engagement and its my turn next.

I think legobride has a point when she suggests asking her to move her wedding and also brideintraining with her suggestion that your dad could perhaps say he's not entirely comfortable with her choice of groom. With any luck she will see how controlling this guy is for herself and get rid but if she's had such a hard time of it in the past then she may be happy to settle for who she can get right now for the stability.

I can't wait until 29/06/2013
The day I marry the man of my dreams!
- CommentAuthorInDreamland
Linzi-jo - I will probably be shot down by a few people for saying what I am about to but ...............I do NOT think you're being petty or unreasonable.

I was in a fairly similar situation to you.

We have (had should I say) very close family friends, practically family, my uncle and my dad were best friends, my mum and aunt very good friends and their kids were brought up like brother and sister with me and my sister. We spent every Christmas day together plus Easters and all other significant family celebrations and even went on holiday together. My uncle in May 2008 got diagnosed with terminal cancer, we were all so distraught, he was given a month to live (he actually made it to 5 months before sadly passing away). Anyway, his daughter asked me for permission to ask my dad to give her away ..............I didn't have the heart to say no even though I thought it was more appropriate for her brother to give her away.

The reason I wanted to say no (even though I said ok), was because I felt that as my dad's eldest daughter he should give me away and my sister away and noone else or if we was going to that it should be after me and my sister were married.

So I completely understand where you are coming from. Giving someone away and having your father give you away is a very close and personal thing and I almost felt like my father daughter relationship was being intruded on xx

Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
- CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
Thanks ladies! I think I am going to have to talk to her about it all. I spoke to my dad about it last night and told him how I really felt about it and he told me that he was relieved as he doesn't want to give anyone away before me but he thought I would be upset with him if he said no to her as she has been through so much. So that's a bit of a relief. So I will just tell her that if she really want my dad to give her away she will have to change her wedding date to after mine or have her mum do it. In my opinion it should be her mum anyway, she has taken on both parents roles from when she was 6 years old and was really upset that my friends fiancé didn't ask her permission before he proposed and when he said it was because you ask the father and he isn't there to ask she answered that she has been both her mother and father so always thought she would be asked. So I know that her mum will be heartbroken if she doesn't ask her. But thanks again for all the replies, its nice to know I wasn't being petty and having a bridezilla moment! lol xxx

Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
- CommentAuthorInDreamland
Good luck hun, hope the chat goes well xx

Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
- CommentAuthorVickie
I don't think you are being petty at all. I agree with the majority.

I feel her mum should do it to, as she brought her up, I know its not traditional but who ever gives you away should mean something to you. If she wasn't close to her mum that would be different again.

Hope your chat goes well, keep us updated.

xxx
- CommentAuthorMel D
I have to say that while I understand how you feel can also understand her side. When I got married I asked my uncle/godfather to give me away. He has a daughter who has not got married and tbh it didn't cross my mind that it would bother her. However, she is quite a bit older and not even seeing anyone let alone engaged. For the record, I did ask my mum to give me away first but she suggested that I ask him.

Got married Sat 28/05/2011
Renewing vows Sat 29/05/2021
We're planning WELL in advance!!
- CommentAuthordevondark
has she got kids?? could her eldest or her boy give her away.

Im going to be the first that my dad gives away as i have 2 sisters that are older and a younger brother and so far he is only one of us married. but im traditionally having my dad give me away but also having my oldest son (from pervious relationship) give me away too, both as a sign they are happy for us both to be married.

i couldnt and wouldnt think of trying to be the first been given away by someone elses dad. Yeh i understand that she doesnt have one herself (sorry to hear that) but if your father has already said he wouldnt feel right about it either, tell her that your supportive of her but you and your father thinks it would be best for her own mother to do it as she was the one who has always been their for her and it would be distrespectful to her mother to have a non memeber of the family to do it seen as so many mothers are now giving away their daughters.

id feel just as upset buy it as you are.

met online 4 years ago
from that first chat i knew
i'll become mrs tombs
please feel free to call me Donna

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