Wedding Forum - Am gutted about the choir! Why so mean?...

Am getting married in my fiancée's parish church and to cut a long story short, every wedding in the family have and a well known organist play at their wedding, so when they offered to pay for the organist to play at our's little did I know how much trouble it would cause! We had previously asked for the choir as there will only be 45 in attendance, we thought it would add to the atmosphere....

Anyway letter arrived from the vicar today 'the resident organist expects payment of £45 as this is the fee that she forgoes in not playing (fair play expected that), It is the organist who usually asks the choir if they will be available, but she now feels unable to do so on this occasion. The choir will be invited to sing, but I rather think that they will decide not to make themselves available'!

Just one thing after another......

I know - was so upset last night. I know the organist that we have hired does do some work with another local choir, however I think to ask them might make the situation worse. I'd even explained that it was a gift and we felt ungrateful saying so, but that we'd have happily had her to play for us, even bought her some chocolates with a note on to say sorry/thank you - felt like eating them myself last night!

I don't quite understand ... why aren't the choir going to sing? Because you're not having the organist? This doesn't make any sense to me!

Bit confused, is it the church that the whole family get married in as well as the change of organist?

And she can't charge you for not working that day! The organist gets paid for their time, to give up an ordinary day for you, not for not being asked!
If it's church of england I have a contact for you to ask??? xx

I got a little confused while reading that but i do hope you get the choir to sing xxx

The church is the church my fiancée's family attend and me and the children also more recently. Also my youngest children got baptised there last weekend to we are familiar faces. Our usual vicar is away on holiday for our wedding and we have another vicar from a local church who appears alot less aminiable....
As for the organist, he has played at that church for a few who have married from my h2b's side of the family and I think it was a given that we would use the same organist as past family members have.

I did anticipate a little 'nose out of joint' but when we last spoke to the vicar, prior to the organist, she had spoken to the choir and they had confirmed their attendance and invoiced me the £40 it cost. Our new invoice now shows £40 (refunded as no choir available). It also says 'the organist expects to be paid £45 as she is the RESIDENT organist' (resident in bold too).

Yes Kaz, it a Cof E Church..... Could just have really done without the stress right now, already dreading the service, he's pretty much said that if he dosen't like the look of the photographer and videograper then he wont let them in the church at all, it's been really difficult trying to please him!

Well hun, I would stand your ground and ignore what they are trying to do - they are trying to BULLY you into having the resident organist by withholding the choir. It is very unchristian and not exactly promoting marriage in a Church of England.

Now if you want to you can go above this vicars head to the Diocese for the area which governs your particular Church and they will have even more clout if they agree with you. I think if you do that, you may well get your vicar suddenly backtracking but you don't have much time on your hands and it depends if you want the extra stress??

If you dont want the stress, I would write / speak to the vicar saying how unhappy you are with the situation but you feel you have no choice to comply. Say that you were previously told that this arrangement was ok and now they are going back on their word. Give them their £45 and bring your own organist as planned. ALSO book a local choir and have them sit in amongst your congregation and act as guests. The vicar will not know what's hit him/her when the 'guests' start singing the hymns pitch perfect at the top of their voices!! You win ;) xx

Oh my word. I cannot believe a church is being like that. We are members of a baptist church and they couldn't do enough for us. And when we asked the pianist if she would play for us she was really pleased to be asked, and didn't seem to expect it at all. I'm sorry but I would not go to a church like that at all but thats just my opinion. I would however stand my ground and not pay the organist, what are they going to do...not play!!??

I do like the idea of having the choir in the congregation! That might chivy up the congregation to sing up too as well as giving you the satisfaction of getting your own way against the odds. Good luck and I hope they decide to be christians about it and sort themselves out.

Sorry, can't do it until you've accepted my friend request!

Love the idea about hiring a choir to sit amongst us - very clever! xxx

Stuck it on your wall as I've got to go hun!