Sorry guys its all I seem to do on here. Not been on for ages but its only place where people understand/give good advise.

Ive had multiple problems with planning/peoples views and Id totaly lost my wedding mo jo. I thought by now id get it back but no I havent. Getting married in May and Im still planning but thats because things need doing not because I want to.

Had my 'your dress is ready' letter and cried im not even excited about trying it on. my friend and hairdresser asked when i want my trail- i dont

cante be bothered with looking at bridesmaids, couldnt be Ar%^$ what they wear

all because of one persons actions. i didnt expect them to be happy with the decision id made but how theyve behaved after and about it has realy got to me (and oh)

its now to point where whatever me and OH do we wont have day we wanted and its all just ruined now.

any ideas on what to do? shall i just go thru with it all and hope for best? cancel (which will be hard as people have booked accomodation all deps been paid and will loose alot)

x

its other people.

its a controversial subject re children at wedding, ive posted on here about before and some of comments were hurtful so not right wanting to dredge it up and get more of same.

Aww not good Hun, why don't you elope? X

Have you tried talking to the people who are upsetting you? Maybe you could explain how you feel

Its your day hun not theres and if they dont like it then tough, if they want to make it awkward for themselves then I wouldnt have them there personally, you have asked them to do something for one day, your day, a day that you plan for and pay for if they cant respect your wishes then I wouldnt bother getting yourself upset over them forget them and concentrate on you and your hubby to be hun and the fact it is a day you tie the knot and say your vows to one another thats all that matters xx

Have you thought of maybe all getting together hun to sit down and try work it all out?? It sounds as though they have blown it right out of proportion, this is one of the reasons we did it abroad with 9 family members so there was no hassle and no arguements I would defo stick to your guns though its something you have asked them to do its not like you have told them to go jump off a bridge or rob a bank xx

If you send an email hun also copy yourself in to it or save a draft as proof , I dont know the full story hun but by the sounds of it your not happy at all and your not looking forward to your big day have you maybe thought of postponing if things arnt worked out its not fair on yourself or h2b if your arnt going to enjoy the most important day of your life xx

Maybe send a group email hun and explain to those involved that it has upset you soo much you are considering cancelling because your not happy and feel asthough your day is ruined and how you feel, hopefully tallking it out and send them all all exactly the same telling them how you feel and why your feel that way you may be to move forward from it in time to enjoy your day xx

here's my story hun...

just over 2yrs ago my stepdad assaulted my mum, now i dont know where my mum & my sister are, I dont speak with them as they were taken by police and put somewhere i dont know in order to keep them safe. My mum has always been my only parent, i dont know my father, i think of him as a sperm doner as i dont recall ever meeting him.

The only person i really want at my wedding is h2b, our kids & my mum, if thats all there was, my wedding would not be anything less than perfect. i wanted my sister as a BM, now she never will be.

We dont generally like children (our own are different & miracle babies considering im not supposed to be able to have kids). We are having our own two children & our adoptive nephew (BM's son calls me "Auntie Kate") they will be the only 3 children there because thats all we want, forget what anyone else wants! & if we can we will get someone else to look after the boys when it gets too late for them!

we will not have the wedding i want as my mum wont be there, however, we WILL be getting married because its about the TWO OF US, not anyone else! I dont care what anyone thinks of our wedding. I know that when h2b's parents receive invites they will be disappointed & kick off that the entire family wont be getting an invite! he has loads of aunts, uncles, cousins etc. not one of them will be getting an invite, we want it small, personal, if they dont like it, they dont have to attend!

This is YOUR day... sod what everyone else thinks! Do what YOU want to do, have what YOU want to have! who are they to complain?! This is the start of a wonderful new journey, YOUR new journey!

I cant do anything about my mum & sister not being at my wedding, but I CAN have a good day without them, I CAN start my journey without them, & I WILL!

You should too.... Don't fret, just have & do what you want hun....

They probably dont realise how much they are pushing you and your other half hun or how much your starting to dread your wedding day I think if you got it out there to all them and explained it they might realise how its effecting you xx

Just remember hun its yours and h2bs day its about ur love for each other if this person doesnt respect that then they dont deserve to share in your happiness or special day, have you got much left to plan xx

Well I wouldnt worry bout bridesmaid if there not happy just tell them not to wear them and come as a guest instead hun, maybe see if you and h2b can get away for the weekend just the 2 of you for a stress free break to take your minds off it x

Oh Dear hun, sorry to hear about your stress. I can't offer anymore than what has already been said. Sending you lots of hugs.

Just remember that the wedding is one day and the start of your married life with the one you love. Others should respect thats about both of you and should be about what's important to you and no one else.

I'll say to you what I said to my sister when she and my BIL had mahoosive problems with my parents and his parents over religious or jon religious ceremony. I basically told my sister, they had their wedding day, they had the day they wanted and so this wedding is about her and her h2b and should be what they both want, not the parents.

Hope you and your h2b can work through this together xxx

Having a quick read through, I agree with the mass email idea that was they all read it in the way it is supposed to be taken without this trouble maker picking and choosing bits to suit them and there side to make you sound like the bad guy! Its your wedding! Your day! It should be what you want!

hun, i wouldnt say that im brave about it, but thanks for the compliment. i would say i have had a long time to come to terms with it, i told you about it (it still hurts thinking about it) but i told you because we all have hard times, some more or less than others, i vaguely remember your previous thread, and all i can say is, sometimes things dont go the way we had always dreamed it would go. Sometimes it is better to drop those that are causing problems/those we want there but cannot be there due to circumstances.

like i say, we know we will never hear the end of it when h2b's family dont all receive an invite, but tough, they will have to get used to it, we are paying for this wedding & if they dont like it tough.

My advice is to go with the mass email due to the pain you are feeling. if it was just a case that someone couldnt attend, i would say to ignore all comments and just leave it without saying anything & just get on with your planning. However in this instance i would go with the mass email, tell them how you are feeling. dont go into much detail about what happened just simply mention that you cannot afford to have children there, & if you bend the rules for one, even f they paid for the child themselves, you would have to bend the rules for everyone else, which would not only require the cost of the childs meal but also the added cost of a larger room, & even with the childrens meals paid for by the parents, you simply cannot afford the cost of the larger room. you do not need to mention the behaviour of the offending party, just state that due to the added stress, it feels as though you are being forced into allowing the parents to pay for the childs meal, & therefore being pressured into paying out for a larger room, you do not want to start your new journey as your partners wife in debt, you will be having the best day you can possibly have on the budget you can afford & unfortunetly if you were to allow children then in order to not pay out for a larger room you would have to uninvite some adult guests that you really cant bare to not be able to celebrate with on the day. you are doing the best you can with what you have at your disposal. you are sorry if anyone feels that they will be unable to attend and the day would not be the same without them, however you hope that they will understand the predicament you are in & hope that they can respect your wishes/decisions. let them know that due to the situation, you have lost all of your wedding mojo and really need to get back to your planning otherwise you fear that the day may end up cancelled because you are stressing over something that due to finances is out of your control.

(Its always easy to place things on finances, this is the story we are going with, it is partially true for us, however, it is also because we want small & intimate which cannot include my 3 aunts, my uncle, plus all of their partners, my 22 cousins, plus h2b's 3 uncles, aunts, partners, numerous cousins, the family members that we dont know where they have appears from, h2b's god parents etc, it would not be fair to either side if we were to invite an aunt or two but not the rest, & we cant afford to quadrupel the guest list for them).

*key

kataya- thankyou for advise but unfortunately mum and dad are payin for that part.

my oh works shifts so not had much chance to talk this over properly but little time we had and from advise on here we are going to:

go to mum n dads together so ive support and explain we are going to send a group email and the reasons behind it i.e my bro a bully and ive had enough emotionally and that then it cant be misinterpreted and manipulated. reason im going to them first is because my dad doesnt really do emotion n feelings and if they think the email is an over reaction i want to point out its not and that is what ive been driven to.

then in the email im going to stick to facts and try not to put too much of my heart on line. basically going to say that im sorry its come to this but its all i can face and the last me and OH are going to talk about it. that we appriciate that it may upset/offend but we dont want small children/babies at wedding this is for everyone. please respect our wishes as its our one day that cant be repeated. if you feel all you can do is grin and bare this then please keep this to yourself as after much termoil i want to finally and be able to enjoy the resot of my planning and remember the day with a smile not regrets. if this is something that you cant respect and want to continue to try and change our minds we would be greatful if you could leave us alone as we wont and this contunied pecking has left us upset, ground down and near to point of cancelling. this is not what we want. we have put out earned money heart and soul into the planning of this and its something we want to remember for the right reasons for the rest of our lives.
please remember it is our wedding, our day that me and OH will rmember details of and want to remember details of, its a once in life time thing we dont want to compramise on our day it should be the best for us, if you cant see or want this please keep this to yourself.

there are other things im going to add also unrelated to wedding about the general behavoiur towards me and OH and why i think its unfair.

is there anything anyone would/could add? i really want to get accross the poin of let it be, stop being selfish, leave us alone, respect us, its our day etc

xxxxx

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