Wedding Forum - Advice...

I know there's still a little while until our wedding, but of course I have been thinking about the guest list. Everything is lovely and simple and we are really lucky that our families are so simple as both sets of our parents are divorced, so between us we have 4 lots of family, who thankfully all still get on and are civil.

The one problem is my uncle, his wife and their 2 kids. Now we've never had a problem with each other but the whole thing started when I wasn't invited to their youngest child's christening. None of the family were very amused to say the least, but when questioned about it the answer given was that it was immediate family only.. fine, but why were my grandparents' neighbours invited in that case? She is now over 2 and I've never, ever met her. I saw her for the first time at a christening a few months ago but none of them spoke to us and she wouldn't even know who I was anyway. I have only met their eldest a handful of times as well and I'm not convinced he really knows who I am now either.

At the christening, me and my OH both smiled at them but got nothing back at all. I also moved out the way so my uncle's wife could get through a tight gap - she can't use the excuse that she didn't realise as it was obvious - not a thank you, not even a glance in my direction or any acknowledgement of my presence.

I was adamant that they wouldn't be being invited to the wedding. Maybe the evening, but definitely not the day, as surely the same 'immediate family only' rule would also apply to them?! I should also add that my uncle's wife randomly deleted me from FB a good few months ago now for no apparent reason..

Now last week it was my birthday and I received a card from them.. usually the wife writes all the cards but I noticed that my uncle had written this one, so she might not even know about it or she might have just refused point blank to write it to me. But now that they have kind of reached out an olive branch, I don't know if I should make more of an effort, maybe re-add her on FB, invite them to wedding..? I don't really want to invite them, as why should I??? But I also don't want to upset my dad as I appreciate it is his brother. I've spoken to him about not inviting them but he doesn't really give much away about how he feels.

What do you guys think? (Sorry it's long) xx

They are lucky to get an evening invite!! No way should you have them to the whole day. The 'olive branch' seems to be more like sucking up to get an invite. They have excluded you, ignored you, deleted you, they do not deserve to be part of your day.

The other thing is, is he using the olive branch as he knows about the wedding and wants an invite?

That's my line of thoughts exactly Emma. He is my uncle.. he is family. But then just because he has a title of 'uncle' doesn't mean he is close family either.. like you said, I don't speak to them at all!

Maybe just an evening invite would be fair enough and for the best all round xx

I think it might cause a small upset but nothing major that would cause any arguments or falling outs. Everyone was angry when I wasn't invited to the christening and my dad knows about the un-friending on FB and stuff so I know he would understand. He and my step mum have already said just invite who you want to invite, do things your way and how you want.. so they would understand, I know they would, but I am a bit of a people pleaser and I hate confrontation and looking like the 'bad one' if you know what I mean. Ordinarily I would just invite them to keep the peace, but there's that massive part of me thinking 'WHY SHOULD I???!!!'

Thanks for you all your comments ladies xx

personally i wouldn't invite them and i would think that card was them knowing that you have a upcoming wedding so want a free meal/day (that might not be it thats just my opinion) it seems that his wife has the issue with you and not the uncle (the Facebook thing would confirm that for me)
you were not invited to something big in their lives so why would you invite them into yours??
xx

ah that probably explains a lot, pure jealously! so annoying when adults just can't be mature when it comes to previous marriages and children etc! its like my OH his parents divorced 15 years ago and his dad remarried 10 years ago and has 3 gorgeous little girls from his new marriage they are only young all 3 girls are under 7 but my OHs older sister just point blank refuses to acknowledge them as her half-sisters! iv made them flower girls and his older sister has kicked off big time saying they shouldn't be involved in the wedding etc etc so pathetic!
xxx

Thanks :) I will definitely see what happens before actually making a decision, it's just something that's already been bugging me since we booked the wedding and so I just wondered what the opinions of you lovely lot were. As you say, our invites won't be going out for a good year and a bit yet, so there is plenty of time to make a decision and see how it all pans out.

I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable even having that discussion with him though.. I've not really had any kind of relationship with him since I was a baby when he looked after me a few times. It's not that I don't like him or that he doesn't like me (I hope lol), we've just not been close through just not seeing much of each other I guess. xx

I think I wouldn't invite them at all. I hate jealousy it makes people so bitter. I think evening if they start to make a little effort bit otherwise I don't think I'd want her there to be honest, depends if you can ignore her or if there's a chance she will make you feel uncomfortable. Did she used to be friendly with you on facebook etc? Xx

OATB - Very true.. I guess it's just because they are family, and they would be the only family that wouldn't be invited. I just wouldn't want to upset anyone or cause any trouble which I guess is why I'm so worried about it and have been thinking about it for so long already. Wedding guest lists are definitely a bit of a difficult and touchy subject.

More than anything, I think I'm stressing about it so much because he is my dad's brother. I love my dad to pieces and have an amazing relationship with him. I think at the end of the day it's going to come down to what my dad thinks.. We have touched on the subject with him before but he's not let on much about how he really feels xx

Thanks hun, I definitely will speak to him again about it and hopefully gauge how he's really feeling. I know he's likely to just say it's ok though so that I am happy, but I'd like to know how he reaaaally feels deep down x

my fiance has 2 uncles (his mums brothers) we live 6 hrs away from his family, 1 of his uncles messages him kinda often and makes small talk etc but the other doesn't bother with him at all unless they see each other at a family event he will will say hi to my OH etc but my OH has decided not to invite in because he says he doesn't bother with him at all other then when he has to (i was surprised seeing as its a full uncle) but its his decision and his family so its up to him who he invites so don't feel bad for not inviting them
xx

I, personally, would only invite them to the Evening. We're kind of in a similar predicament, my OH has a rather large family, and no matter what, whenever there is a Wedding/Christening/Funeral/Birthday the whole local family gets invited. Now, even though I have been with him for over 6 years, I've only met about 10-15 of these family members. I decided to reach out to them, to invite them all to my daughter's Christening, in an effort to get to know them. Of the 20ish people who weren't able to make it, only 1 sent a card, and the other one popped round to say they couldn't come. Not a single RSVP of even acknowledgement of our posted invites from the ones that didn't come!
I was absolutely fuming, as I know that I would have made the effort to at least respond, but I knew that I was planning my FIL's joint 50th Birthday party a couple of months later, so again, we sent out invites and waited to hear back.. Only THREE members of the large family came! Some had valid excuses (so those will receive an invite still) but the ones that didn't come or RSVP have been cut from the daytime completely, and may not even receive an evening invite! It shows how little we mean to them!
What I'm trying to say is, just because they're family, it doesn't give them a right to be invited. Look at them as though they're not family, just people you know, and see if you would still want them there. Maybe use the same system that you did on your friends as to whether or not they got an invite.
It's a shame when family just turn their backs on you for no reason. Maybe bring it up to your Uncle and ask him what's going on with him and his wife?
Good luck x

Thank you everyone for your replies. At the moment it is clearer in my head but we will see what happens in the time between sending out invites! Currently I'm thinking evening only xx

Yeah, exactly :) they might even decline the evening invitation anyway! The venue is about 30 mins away from where we live and obviously they have 2 children so not sure if they would even want to come anyway! x