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  1.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I know there's still a little while until our wedding, but of course I have been thinking about the guest list. Everything is lovely and simple and we are really lucky that our families are so simple as both sets of our parents are divorced, so between us we have 4 lots of family, who thankfully all still get on and are civil.

    The one problem is my uncle, his wife and their 2 kids. Now we've never had a problem with each other but the whole thing started when I wasn't invited to their youngest child's christening. None of the family were very amused to say the least, but when questioned about it the answer given was that it was immediate family only.. fine, but why were my grandparents' neighbours invited in that case? She is now over 2 and I've never, ever met her. I saw her for the first time at a christening a few months ago but none of them spoke to us and she wouldn't even know who I was anyway. I have only met their eldest a handful of times as well and I'm not convinced he really knows who I am now either.

    At the christening, me and my OH both smiled at them but got nothing back at all. I also moved out the way so my uncle's wife could get through a tight gap - she can't use the excuse that she didn't realise as it was obvious - not a thank you, not even a glance in my direction or any acknowledgement of my presence.

    I was adamant that they wouldn't be being invited to the wedding. Maybe the evening, but definitely not the day, as surely the same 'immediate family only' rule would also apply to them?! I should also add that my uncle's wife randomly deleted me from FB a good few months ago now for no apparent reason..

    Now last week it was my birthday and I received a card from them.. usually the wife writes all the cards but I noticed that my uncle had written this one, so she might not even know about it or she might have just refused point blank to write it to me. But now that they have kind of reached out an olive branch, I don't know if I should make more of an effort, maybe re-add her on FB, invite them to wedding..? I don't really want to invite them, as why should I??? But I also don't want to upset my dad as I appreciate it is his brother. I've spoken to him about not inviting them but he doesn't really give much away about how he feels.

    What do you guys think? (Sorry it's long) xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  2.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Gosh. Tricky one.

    Part of me would so, don't invite them and see how they like it, but then another part of me thinks, don't lower yourself to their level and invite them.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  3.  
    • AmyN135
      CommentAuthorAmyN135
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    They are lucky to get an evening invite!! No way should you have them to the whole day. The 'olive branch' seems to be more like sucking up to get an invite. They have excluded you, ignored you, deleted you, they do not deserve to be part of your day.
  4.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    That's my predicament.. I don't want to be petty and just not invite them because they didn't invite us to the christening, but then I think I have no relationship whatsoever with them these days and I've always wanted just close family and friends at the wedding so it feels lovely and intimate. Good job I have a while to think about it!! x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  5.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    The other thing is, is he using the olive branch as he knows about the wedding and wants an invite?

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  6.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    If it was me I wouldn't want to invite them at all but to keep the peace I would just invite them to the evening, at least then they are getting an invite even though they don't deserve it! Like you said you only want close family and you don't speak to them at all so I wouldn't blame you if you didn't invite them, but he is your uncle x

    Members signature icon
    Got together on 14th March 2010
    Got engaged on 25th December 2013
    Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
  7.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    That's my line of thoughts exactly Emma. He is my uncle.. he is family. But then just because he has a title of 'uncle' doesn't mean he is close family either.. like you said, I don't speak to them at all!

    Maybe just an evening invite would be fair enough and for the best all round xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  8.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    I wouldn't invite them. It's not because they didn't invite you to the christening, it's unfriending from fb and blatent ignorance towards you. I wouldnt invite them.

    However, if it will lead to a situation where it will start unneccesary trouble if you don't, then just invite them to the evening (maybe even only your uncle anyway). If nobody will bat an eyelid, don't bother with them x

    Members signature icon
    Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15


  9.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
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    I think it might cause a small upset but nothing major that would cause any arguments or falling outs. Everyone was angry when I wasn't invited to the christening and my dad knows about the un-friending on FB and stuff so I know he would understand. He and my step mum have already said just invite who you want to invite, do things your way and how you want.. so they would understand, I know they would, but I am a bit of a people pleaser and I hate confrontation and looking like the 'bad one' if you know what I mean. Ordinarily I would just invite them to keep the peace, but there's that massive part of me thinking 'WHY SHOULD I???!!!'

    Thanks for you all your comments ladies xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  10.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
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    I'm very much a people pleaser too so understand its difficult sometimes! Do whatever you think is right for YOU xx

    Members signature icon
    Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15


  11.  
    • Irishbride2be
      CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    personally i wouldn't invite them and i would think that card was them knowing that you have a upcoming wedding so want a free meal/day (that might not be it thats just my opinion) it seems that his wife has the issue with you and not the uncle (the Facebook thing would confirm that for me)
    you were not invited to something big in their lives so why would you invite them into yours??
    xx

    Met my dream man on Halloween 2012
    Proposed to me in Spain 22nd July 2014
    Getting married 12 september 2015
    Marrying my forever best friend :-)
  12.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    You're right bride2B28.. my uncle is still friends with me on FB (I know it's petty talking about friendships on FB lol) and he wished me a happy birthday on there as well as sending the card. It is definitely her with the real problem.

    I also think she's annoyed about the fact I have been speaking to my cousin from my uncle's previous marriage.. he has 2 other kids who refuse point blank to have anything to do with him. She knows I have been speaking to his eldest daughter and I think she's probably a bit annoyed that despite their best efforts to contact her, she still wants nothing to do with them but is happy to talk to me x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  13.  
    • Irishbride2be
      CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    ah that probably explains a lot, pure jealously! so annoying when adults just can't be mature when it comes to previous marriages and children etc! its like my OH his parents divorced 15 years ago and his dad remarried 10 years ago and has 3 gorgeous little girls from his new marriage they are only young all 3 girls are under 7 but my OHs older sister just point blank refuses to acknowledge them as her half-sisters! iv made them flower girls and his older sister has kicked off big time saying they shouldn't be involved in the wedding etc etc so pathetic!
    xxx

    Met my dream man on Halloween 2012
    Proposed to me in Spain 22nd July 2014
    Getting married 12 september 2015
    Marrying my forever best friend :-)
  14.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think you should wait and see what else happens. Yes you got a birthday card but unfortunately it is just that and they may never do anything else. See if they make any contact over the next 2 Christmas's/next birthday and if you see them again/make more contact, then invite them. You could always contact your uncle and have a frank chat about what on earth is going on, go for coffee? Maybe the new wife doesn't like you for some reason and he's having to be diplomatic and side with her as it were. You may get more out of him if you speak to him and meet up to talk it through as he sent you a birthday card. You have a little while until you need to send invites, over a year so you've got time to see how things will pan out :) don't ignore them on occasions but also don't open your heart again so that they can twist everything or hurt you xx

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  15.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
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    Thanks :) I will definitely see what happens before actually making a decision, it's just something that's already been bugging me since we booked the wedding and so I just wondered what the opinions of you lovely lot were. As you say, our invites won't be going out for a good year and a bit yet, so there is plenty of time to make a decision and see how it all pans out.

    I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable even having that discussion with him though.. I've not really had any kind of relationship with him since I was a baby when he looked after me a few times. It's not that I don't like him or that he doesn't like me (I hope lol), we've just not been close through just not seeing much of each other I guess. xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  16.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
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    Then if you've never been close or had any kind of relationship then I don't see any reason why you would invite him anyway. We've had to invite a couple of family members one of whom I haven't seen in over 5 years, is distant family and someone who doesn't even bother with me yet because they are 'family', they have to be invited... I imagine you might end up in the same situation because I've been made to feel guilty because we weren't going to invite them but everyone was saying that it will cause a family feud if we don't! The others are the same but it's been over 20 years although we are winning on that! xx

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  17.  
    • Sammi_with_camera
      CommentAuthorSammi_with_camera
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
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    I think I wouldn't invite them at all. I hate jealousy it makes people so bitter. I think evening if they start to make a little effort bit otherwise I don't think I'd want her there to be honest, depends if you can ignore her or if there's a chance she will make you feel uncomfortable. Did she used to be friendly with you on facebook etc? Xx
  18.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
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      edited
     
    Yeah we used to interact on FB.. liking and commenting on pics and statuses etc. We used to chat a few times on FB messenger as well. It's just completely out of the blue that she would delete me.. the only reason I can think of is that I had been speaking to my uncle's eldest daughter from his previous marriage, which she definitely knew about as we'd had a conversation about it probably not long before she actually deleted me xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  19.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
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      edited
     
    OATB - Very true.. I guess it's just because they are family, and they would be the only family that wouldn't be invited. I just wouldn't want to upset anyone or cause any trouble which I guess is why I'm so worried about it and have been thinking about it for so long already. Wedding guest lists are definitely a bit of a difficult and touchy subject.

    More than anything, I think I'm stressing about it so much because he is my dad's brother. I love my dad to pieces and have an amazing relationship with him. I think at the end of the day it's going to come down to what my dad thinks.. We have touched on the subject with him before but he's not let on much about how he really feels xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  20.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think that's the best thing to do - Speak to your Dad, explain your concerns to him and see what he thinks really. We've had to do that with ours. The 5yr one is being invited but the 20+yr ones aren't and that's on family discussion xx

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  21.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
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    Thanks hun, I definitely will speak to him again about it and hopefully gauge how he's really feeling. I know he's likely to just say it's ok though so that I am happy, but I'd like to know how he reaaaally feels deep down x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  22.  
    • CoralLeigh2016
      CommentAuthorCoralLeigh2016
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    It's your wedding and totally up to you who to invite :) I'm a people pleaser but at the same time I'm very much tit for tat - if they didn't bother inviting me or my OH I certainly wouldn't be inviting them back :) I have a very big family as well as my OH and have decided the best way to please all is only invite immediate family and close friends to the day time and the rest of the family and work colleagues/associates to the evening. If we cherry picked certain aunts and uncles it would all get very bitchy.....so to save face they are all only evening event only :)

    Good luck and hope that everything works out for you in the long run.
    Enjoy your day xx Coral xx
  23.  
    • Irishbride2be
      CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    my fiance has 2 uncles (his mums brothers) we live 6 hrs away from his family, 1 of his uncles messages him kinda often and makes small talk etc but the other doesn't bother with him at all unless they see each other at a family event he will will say hi to my OH etc but my OH has decided not to invite in because he says he doesn't bother with him at all other then when he has to (i was surprised seeing as its a full uncle) but its his decision and his family so its up to him who he invites so don't feel bad for not inviting them
    xx

    Met my dream man on Halloween 2012
    Proposed to me in Spain 22nd July 2014
    Getting married 12 september 2015
    Marrying my forever best friend :-)
  24.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Bless you, that's all you can do atm. Maybe broach the subject when you next see him or leave it for a while and see how things go first. Either way, you'll have to decide Feb 2016 I'd say but that's enough time to see :) xx

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  25.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Nov 14th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I, personally, would only invite them to the Evening. We're kind of in a similar predicament, my OH has a rather large family, and no matter what, whenever there is a Wedding/Christening/Funeral/Birthday the whole local family gets invited. Now, even though I have been with him for over 6 years, I've only met about 10-15 of these family members. I decided to reach out to them, to invite them all to my daughter's Christening, in an effort to get to know them. Of the 20ish people who weren't able to make it, only 1 sent a card, and the other one popped round to say they couldn't come. Not a single RSVP of even acknowledgement of our posted invites from the ones that didn't come!
    I was absolutely fuming, as I know that I would have made the effort to at least respond, but I knew that I was planning my FIL's joint 50th Birthday party a couple of months later, so again, we sent out invites and waited to hear back.. Only THREE members of the large family came! Some had valid excuses (so those will receive an invite still) but the ones that didn't come or RSVP have been cut from the daytime completely, and may not even receive an evening invite! It shows how little we mean to them!
    What I'm trying to say is, just because they're family, it doesn't give them a right to be invited. Look at them as though they're not family, just people you know, and see if you would still want them there. Maybe use the same system that you did on your friends as to whether or not they got an invite.
    It's a shame when family just turn their backs on you for no reason. Maybe bring it up to your Uncle and ask him what's going on with him and his wife?
    Good luck x
  26.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Nov 14th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    This would be an easy one for me ( I wouldn't even wrestle with my conscience), I wouldn't even send them an invite full stop. They brought it on themselves by singling you out and being horrible.
  27.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 14th 2014
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    Thank you everyone for your replies. At the moment it is clearer in my head but we will see what happens in the time between sending out invites! Currently I'm thinking evening only xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  28.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Nov 14th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think that's a good idea Flossie. By doing that, you aren't reducing yourself to their level, but still making your point by only having them there at the evening.
  29.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 14th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Yeah, exactly :) they might even decline the evening invitation anyway! The venue is about 30 mins away from where we live and obviously they have 2 children so not sure if they would even want to come anyway! x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  30.  
    • sALLY
      CommentAuthorsALLY
      Posted: Nov 14th 2014
     
    Good idea, you have some time maybe see how things go over christmas see if they make any effort. then it may make your decision clearer
 
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