Hello ladies, I'm new to UKBride and thus far loving all the features. I was hoping to discuss a little something with you all - The sister of the H2B!!
I feel awful already but she's expecting to be really heavily involved and I can't cope with it. I want to make a lot of items, such as, invitations, button holes, bouquet, bridesmaids flowers and multiple other things; but she keeps on going about how she should make them because she really enjoys arts and crafts - she makes the occasional card at Christmas! And she's constantly saying we should get married on a beach, abroad. I've played it quite calmly and thanked her for her idea's and suggestions, and that I'll let her know if we would like her help etc but that hasn't stopped her. Yesterday I was asked about the dress - I've not found one yet; but I simply said that until the day, only two people will know what the dress is like. i.e. My mum and myself. She absolutely hit the roof, said I was selfish for not wanting to show her. She also introduces her self as MOH - she isn't and nor a bridesmaid which makes it awkward for the engagement party when the H2B and myself share with everyone whom we're choosing to have what part. (we've not told anyone anything yet) And the engagement party, we're not allowed to have it yet as she's heavily pregnant and doesn't want to drink while breastfeeding therefore suggested we wait until February next year - we're planning on getting married in June 2016. I'd just like to know if anyone else has been experiencing or had experienced similar and how they've dealt or dealing with the situation. Thank you ladies!!! x
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
Have your emgagment party soon , is for you not her. Reveal the chosen bms etc so she can get over herself. It's yours and your ohs day not hers
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorSarah D
Its your day so don't allow her to dictate to you, your engagement party so have it when YOU want, the sooner you tell her she isn't involved in the bridal party the better. Ive not personally had to deal with anyone assuming or trying to control anything but you need to get control and put her in her place straight away if she doesn't like it then too bad, she will get over it by the wedding lol xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorSam G 2b May 2016
God she sounds like a right nightmare!! Yes, better to get her tantrums over and done with sooner rather than later. Have your engagement party whenever you want and make a point to mention its your wedding day not hers, thanks for the offer of help but you would like to do things your way.
CommentAuthorTashyM
I slightly (just very slightly) see where she's coming from. Her brother is probably one of the most important people in the universe and it might be strange to her that she doesn't have a bigger part, or she might be feeling pushed aside or forgotten about. Could you ask her to do a reading or something? That way she is involved but she's not taking over.
Don't wait to have the engagement party! Especially Feb next year when all spare cash and time will be going into the wedding - pregnant or not, it is about you and your OH. I understand she might be feeling left out but ultimately this isn't about her. Just keep thanking her for her efforts and suggestions and that it really means a lot she's there for you but you will be in contact if/when you need her - should you - hopefully that will calm her down a bit. Are her and her brother close? Are they similar in age? xx
Met 2013
Propsed 2014
Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
always & forever xxx
CommentAuthorVelcro
hahahahaha ask her if she would like to marry her brother instead of you, as it seems she wants the wedding day. good grief!!!
you have your engagment party when YOU want it, if she really wants to drink i am sure she can express and freeze!! either way, she will be in charge of a baby anyway, surely? so its not like she could be going wild anyway?
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorLadyC
I wasn't a bridesmaid at either of my brother's wedding and I didn't expect to be. She sounds like hard work. What is your OH's opinion? I certainly wouldn't wait to have my engagement party because she is pregnant. Maybe let her help make your favours and thiings? Having said that, I won't let anyone help me. I'm OCD.
xx Lady Charlotte Chamberlain to be! xx
xx Marrying my soul mate on 22nd July 2016 xx
CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
Wow, I agree with Velcro... should ask her if she wants to marry her brother!
Don't push back your enagagement. Have it when you want to. You should also get your OH to sit down with her and tell her she needs to calm the faff down because she is making herself come across as selfish.
You have absalutely every right to say no to someone if they ask about the dress. Whats to stop her shouting what it looks like from the roof tops with how her attitude has been.
Met in Nov 2005
Engaged 13th June 2013
Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
CommentAuthorAmyD532
Hello ladies, Thank you for your support and suggestions. To answer a few questions, she's not overly close to her brother, my OH doesn't really want her to be too heavily involved as it's our day and would like us to do what we want, how we want and keep as much as we can a secret. She's too proud to do a reading, she thinks that's below her - straight up, she's said this. She is quite a selfish and self absorbed person any way. Oh golly this is going to be fun! Argh! xx
CommentAuthorEmily17
edited
I think even more reason not to be in the bridal party. she will be wanting to make it about her.
And if she doesn't want to be a part of it by doing a reading then stuff her
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorLadyC
I would just continue to keep her at arms length and tell her as little as possible in that case. Hopefully she'll get the message eventually. Just say you and OH want to keep it between you and him.
xx Lady Charlotte Chamberlain to be! xx
xx Marrying my soul mate on 22nd July 2016 xx
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
She needs to know nothing about your day, as you say it is your day, and too proud to do a reading as its below her. She should feel honoured if someone asked her to do this. How rude of her.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorKirstyR386
I suspect that by her saying you should do it on a beach abroad, someone is after a free holiday...
As the other have said, have the engagement party when you want, announce the roles as you want and if she goes off on one she will be the one being an embarassment and not you. X
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
wheni was reading your post i was a bit intrigued by the suggestion that you put back you party till she finishes breastfeeding in feb .... does she have a particular date she is going to stop ? what if she continues beyond Feb ?
its YOUR party to celebrate YOUR engagement where YOU can announce the people YOU want to have roles in YOUR wedding
the dress thing -nobody saw my dress not even my mother i wanted it to be a big surprise to everyone
abroad/beach brilliant if that's what YOU want to do
dont tell her anything .... what she doesn't know she cant comment on !!!!!
If your oh also isn't kean on her being involved can he not have a quiet word with her to explain that bridal decisions are down to you and him and that you want a more intimate wedding so keeping bms to your closest friends and family as this the traditional purpose of brides maids?
You have enough to think about without trying to let her down gently; if your oh tells her she may respect the decision more and saves you trying to explain which could be awkward
CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
My first thought when I was reading this was "maybe it's her hormones" but now I'm thinking something else!
Like everyone else has said it's your day. Don't bow down to her demands! x
Met 18/09/03
Engaged 06/09/08
Getting married 05/09/17
CommentAuthorAmyD532
Hello ladies,
A minor update, the OH decided that it was best to have a quiet word. He was really polite and simply shared with her our want for privacy; and that we'll reveal a little something at the Engagement party. The Engagement party will be a week/2 weeks after we have chosen and secured the venue. He also said that as for the arrival of the new baby, it's just one of those 'timing' situations where nothing can be helped. She wasn't best pleased because she thought that she would be 'The wedding Planner, but the OH had mentioned again that this wasn't her wedding to plan.
So fingers crossed, she's now backed down a little. Her thought and suggestions are welcome but she doesn't have to get quite so controlling over it - It's not everyday you plan a wedding so I'll take all the help I can get! As for the breastfeeding in February - baby is due in a couple of weeks, so baby would be on formula by Feb, or atleast that's what she said. We have also said that no one knows their roles yet - So with her flat out refusal to do a reading, we'll try and come up with something that she could do to avoid tantrums later on the day! It's almost like having a stroppy teenager! Thanks for all of your comments, they made it easier for the OH to take action! xx
CommentAuthorEmily17
So glad that he spoke to her. fingers crossed she backs off a little now!
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
Maybe she could be an usher on the day. It's not unusual for the groom's sister to do that if she isn't being a bridesmaid.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorKayleighS46
Glad you managed to get some of it sorted out now! Fingers crossed it all still goes in the same helpful direction!! xx
Met 2013
Propsed 2014
Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
always & forever xxx
