Dear my fellow brides-to-be,

It is less than 8 weeks until my wedding and I have a serious dilemma. I would really appreciate any input because I just can't decide what to do. My choices are to potentially risk spoiling the big day for my mum and guarantee a bad feeling at my wedding, possibly fisticuffs after a drink or two, or damaging my great relationship with my female cousin.

My mum has a sister with which she has always had a... delicate... relationship with - this woman is volatile, judgemental, cold and bitter. She has never really cared that much for me and my sisters, always judging us and comparing us to her own daughter. Things have been especially strained between my mum and her sister for a while, and things erupted in a huge row last week which was pretty one-sided to be honest (my sister was witness to it).

My aunt verbally attacked my mum, called her all the names under the sun including a see-you-next-tuesday, and told a pile of vicious lies to hurt her - including that I had said that I hate her (!), and that I feel less valued than my sisters, which fuels my alleged hatred for her. This is utter, total bull**** and thankfully after being initially shocked and hurt at the idea that I felt that way, my mum saw sense and knows that I would never say things like that. It was a blatant, clumsy attempt to attack our relationship (which is 99% harmonious). Me and my mum have clashed slightly over a couple of things about the wedding but we have resolved things quickly and like grown ups.

My initial reaction was to say 'well that's her invite in the bin' (she was invited with everyone else months ago so I'd have to physically tell her she was no longer welcome) but my mum insisted that I let her attend if she had the nerve and just get on with our day. Now however, she's had more time to think and is considering the scenario - if this woman does turn up (and she would, she has no shame) she will sit, po-faced, all day, ignoring everyone and glowering in our direction and judge everyone and everything - I know she'd relish it.

The only thing holding me back from tearing her a new one (I dont care if I never see her again) and uninviting her is that I am very close to her daughter, my cousin, and I don't want to a) make her think she can't come or is being punished or b) put strain on her relationship with her mother, who might try to block her from coming.

So do I either:
A) In a civil manner, let my aunt know how I feel about her attempt to hurt my mum using me and lies about things I allegedly said, tell her I don't care about our future relationship and she can do one and there won't be a seat for her at my wedding BUT risk repercussions with my cousin
or B) allow her to come if she wants, sit her in a corner and let her get on with her bitter twisted life and hope she doesn't try to ruin the day for my mum and my guests.

Any opinions much appreciated ladies, thank you! xxxx

personally, i would speak to her in a civil manner and tell her that if she is going to behave then to come to the wedding but if she is going to kick up a fuss then dont bother as you arent really bothered whether she is there or not. make sure you speak to her so you can get a good idea as to how she would behave if she did come, and whether she would kick off! If you tell her not to come, do you really know whether she will just turn up anyway to ruin the day? and call your cousin and say that you hope she still comes. its a tricky situation good luck! xx

I would tell her to do one!

I'd talk to the cousin first though and make it clear you really hope it doesn't affect your relationship but explain that you simply can't have someone there that clearly thinks so little of you and your mum and that it is simply that you have to stick up for your mum.

There's not a chance in hell someone like that would be at my wedding and why would they actually want to be if that's how they feel but if she is that kind of person to go anyway I'd have to tell her not to come.

Thanks ladies, you all have such good points! What i'm thinking at the moment is.. it's my goddamn wedding I'll do what I want! Pretty sure my mum wants nothing to do with her (and the feeling seems mutual!) so I might just bite the bullet and tell her where to get off.
I'm thinking, if after the way she acted I wouldnt even ask her round for a cuppa, so why would I pay for her to be at my special day?
xxx

i would talk to your cousin and explain to her how much you love her and want her to come but after her mum behaviour you can not bare to have her there.

Agree with a couple of the others -- talk to your cousin first, see what she thinks about the whole scenario and how you feel about the situation and that u r in an awkward position and just see how that conversation goes before you make a decision xx