Gemma & Nathan's Wedding Story
Our story began very unexpectedly whilst my new husband and I had sworn off relationships and had committed ourselves to ourselves for the foreseeable! Individually I was working on a journey of healing from a past trauma, and was having a year of new friends, adventure and travelling. Meanwhile he was starting to find his feet again after tough time with his own trauma, family tragedies, homelessness and struggling with substance abuse.
HOW WE MET
Through mutual friends we never knew we had, we both reluctantly agreed to attend a gig, him working in security, and I happened to go with my Mum.
We clocked eyes the minute I walked through the door! He was up some stairs in front, a good distance and many people away, but we still locked eyes immediately. We smiled at each other like we’d known each other forever, then shrugged off the brief encounter and carried on with the event. It wasn’t until the very last band had finished and I’d gone to the loo, that I left without looking and bumped with a smack into the chest of my future husband! We just looked at each other for a timeless few moments before he said, “see you for a dance later?” And we did. He got off work, I made my way over to the disco with my friends, and this mystery man and I danced literally for hours non-stop like we were the only two people in the world. (My friends were very understanding when I totally forgot they were there that night!)
Late into the night, he even found my Mum whilst looking for my jacket, sat beside her and drunkenly called her ”Mother in Law”!
Of course we spoke everyday from then on. He was living near Scotland, and I was in East Sussex by the sea, but after a year of seeing each other long distance, two more moving around together finding our place and a few more creating the perfect little home, my husband reserved the whole posh upper balcony of the restaurant in which we had our very first date, and proposed privately on my birthday.
AFTER ENGAGEMENT
It took 18 months to plan the wedding. At first it was a dream flitting from dress shop to wedding fair, making up budget numbers and throwing ideas in the air like anything was possible. Then my Mum got a little more involved, and plans needed solidifying. The stress amplified.
*top tip- almost everything about a wedding will need booking at least a year in advance and will take you many instalments to pay off, so when MOB/MIL says you need to get booking ASAP, listen!*
The pressure really kicked in, Wedding bits were EVERYWHERE and all spare cash was flowing out on deposits. I felt like I was loosing my home, my life/free-time and my mind!
Alongside the usual stresses, working so closely with my mum on such a big life milestones dragged up a load of childhood trauma and major changes in our relationship for us both that we really had to work together to get through.
I didn’t realise how much pressure you’re under as a bride: to be enjoying the process the whole time, to know exactly what you want, to find a way to pay for so much stuff, to give everyone in your life the roles they deserve, to give your mum the experience she wanted… ugh to it all! I lost two stone of weight and nearly called the whole thing off. I can’t reiterate how much pressure you are under as a bride. From the little things like saying no to vendors who look crushed that you don’t want to order a hundred customised cakes, to your friends who think they’re being helpful and expect certain roles or responsibilities that you just don’t need or want. Then there’s all the family drama. Meanwhile, you still have to fit in your dress and find an extra £500 for the photographer!
~ But my fiancé was there. When things got way too much and I had no time for anything else at all but “the wedding”, he gave me a safe space and a listening ear, and reminded me that we were only getting married because we wanted each other for the rest of our lives- the rest didn’t matter! Ultimately, the experience reminded me I’d chosen the right man and we became even closer for it.
I also found myself being horrible to my partner and loved ones and only feeling worse when they didn’t understand why I wasn’t happy all the time, simply to be getting married.
My advice is remind yourself why you are getting married, and check in with what YOU want from this experience. Without this, you can’t communicate your wants and needs to your loved ones properly and they won’t get it. You need to take an afternoon to yourself every so often too, where any wedding talk is off limits. Then come back to planning with a clear head and renewed enthusiasm.
My friends were no help at all with the wedding and caused a lot of drama I had never ever expected from them (weddings genuinely do make people go crazy) but my immediate family bent over backwards to cater to my dream (and keep my Mum happy.)
We DiY’d almost ALL the decorations, cut pampas grass from local industrial sites, built a bar, benches, the bouquets, everything! They offered me any connections they had that might prove helpful.
*another tip! Start your search at home! You’d be amazed how many of your family and friends know someone who is an aspiring makeup artist, or knows a photographer, or has a large nice marquee… just seriously, ask everyone you know first. Yeah, sometimes it’s a bit of an awkward conversation, but you’ll save a lot of money and time make a lot of people feel very honoured to be involved.
We married on the 18th of June 2022 on a private campsite in Hailsham. We got ready in a beautiful, rustic barn where Mum had set up vanity mirrors etc, the venue owner then kindly picked me up in his golf cart thing (a last minute arrangement) and drove me to the ceremony, held in a clearing in the crop of ancient woodland on site. We took pictures in the woods and by the private woodland lake, then walked down a decorated path to the reception area, held in the adjoining field with a huge beautiful lake in the centre. Our guests stayed in glamping belle tents, which the owner had set up on the other side of the field which added to the aesthetic and looked great in pictures.
We had BBQ food and a large buffet, worked on by neighbours, and the bar ran by the daughter of a family friend.
Unfortunately, while we ate, the wind began to pick up, and the end of the hottest week on record EVER was coming to a blustery end. During the speeches, the gazebo fell down and all my pictures flew from their pegs. Then a light night storm began shortly after the cure cream van left. The rain held off for over two hours while we gathered around fire pits with drinks and lightning lit up the sky all around us. Just as my new Husband and I were taking a moment for the two of us to call absent family etc, the rain came down most of my guests had to leave. Those that stayed vegan the max rush to salvage the gazebo and shove anything breakable inside. It didn’t stop the party though and we talked, laughed, ate and drank huddle under the gazebo with a fit pit until the rain eased in the small hours of the morning and my new husband carried my off into the woods where our very own scheduled belle tent waited for us.
My wedding was more work than I’ve ever done in my life, I shed more tears that I thought possible, it brought the highest of highs and showed me the true nature of everyone I thought I knew, for better or worse. It was messy, and so much happened/changed last minute or didn’t happen at all!
But it was PERFECT.
I had the perfect dress, the perfect husband, the perfect place, the perfect family…. It made me really appreciate my loved ones and so grateful to be able to marry my best friend and love of my life. I hope you’ve enjoyed our lithe start of our story, found some parts relatable and learnt from others. Enjoy a few our our pictures and remember to breathe- it’ll all be over in one day and none of it will matter again! With love in your heart (and an organised, very clear budget) you can’t go wrong xx
