Hi, looking for a little advice. My father has never been in my life until I turned 18. He left and started a new family. I've been in contact since I was 18 but very minimul due to his new family. I went round to visit today and he has told me he doesn't agree with anything I have planned for my wedding, that everyone is laughing at my choices and is very angry I have not asked him to give me away. My mother remarried and my step father brought me up from the age of 4. He is the only father I have known so of course I was going to ask him to give me away. The advice I am looking for is do you think it's wise to invite my biological father or cause myself less stress and upset by not having him there? Thanks
Hi it sounds like he has a touch of the green-eyed monster to me. Only you can answer the question to invite or not :)
Understand the predicament. I've fallen out with my family for past couple months and wondering whether to just invite them to my wedding and if they come great if not no loss? X
Don't bother having him there. It's your choice and just because DNA makes you family doesn't mean he needs to be there. Have the man that has been your dad and brought you up most of your life :) that's my advice!
From the information you've given I'd not want her m there. Sounds like he's a destructive person who is jealous of your step dad
It sounds as though they wouldn't enjoy themselves anyway with the horrible comments! I assume if it was a 'friend' saying those things you'd dump them pretty fast; don't be fooled or bullied into feeling obligated to them because you share some DNA with some of them.
it down to u it is special day if u feel he will ruin it and cause u stress u could just invite him to reception if u feel he be sival and then ur not so worried
Maybe evening only?
You need to spare your mum and stepdads feelings too
I wouldn't want him there. Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad x
The day is about, you, your fiance, and the people you consider family. Doesn't sound like he makes the list, don't risk upsetting yourself to please such a spiteful and immature person
I didnt invite my dad though im other way round and he was about til i was 22 then decided to not speak to me. My step dad is my dad and he is on my marriage certificate too. Invite who you want there and have who you want do whichever duties you want. Quite frankly blood means nothing. Being there is the important part and from what youve said that was your step dad. X
Sounds like he'd just carry on criticising if he came so would spoil your day. If it were me then I would only invite to evening do. Have a super wedding 👰🏼
I think the fact you have to ask for advice or perhaps feel uncertain means somewhere in your mind you have doubts about him. My step father brought me up and I wouldn't want anyone else beside me on my special day. He watched you grow into the women you are and is now there waiting to watch you move on to the next step in your life. Your biological father wasn't around for any of that. Do what feels right in your heart regardless of the backlash it may cause. Those that love you will understand you and your choice xx
I wouldn't invite mine personally but we don't talk at all. I think you should give bio Dad an ultimatum, either he respects your decisions about your big day and doesn't spend the day being an arse OR he just won't go at all x
Nah..we had a very similar situation, he was not invited to the wedding it would have been too awkward for Mum & family members, but we did have a meal out with his new family to celebrate afterwards xx
My biological father was absent from me untill i was 18 and the same have minimal contact now... if any, i will invite him to the wedding as a guest if he wishes to be there but he will have no say whatsoever over any plans and if he cant be civil with everyone and not spoil my day id rather him not be there at all as for giving me away i intend to have my non biological father and my h2bs stepdad giving me away one on either side xx
if he has a negative attitude towards your big day make it known to him that you will not have him attend... there are some members of my family with a negative vibe towards alot of my ideas but its not about them...its the bride and grooms big day if they dont like it then they dont attend
I think you know the answer Hun, if all he's doing his putting you down then do you really want him there? Or in your life at all? You sound like you've had an amazing father figure regardless so you haven't missed out xx
I wouldn't invite him. He couldn't be bothered to be involved in your life and he's just guilt tripping you now and emotionally manipulating you. If your step dad has raised you, that's the only father you need.
I think it's up to you, whether you feel you want him there or not - I wouldn't blame you if you didn't!
It's your day and for him to say those things are horrible. You don't have to invite anyone and if you won't be happy then don't do it. Sounds like your stepdad has earned the right to give you away
Only you can make that decision love, but what I will say is family is not just defined by blood. It is who was there for you throughout your life. Xx
No!!! Horrible man. Horrible family by the sound of it, awful attitude to have
I would say no. He couldn't be bothered with Some of the most important parts of your childhood. Why should he be bothered now you are getting married. Tip him you know what. It's yours and your future h2b. Go with what you want xxxx
Personally if he said those things to me.. no i wouldnt have him there... my family prob think im nuts for my choices but they dont comment... but its down to u hun... its a big decision and would probably end your relationship with him but if its minimal contact due to his new family.... its possibly no loss xx
Hey hun, I have been in a similar situation with my bio. I consider my step dad to be my father. I haven't spoken to bio in about 7 years. I invited bio and his wife anyway as a last ditch attempt to mend the bridge and he declined without providing a reason. I won't lie, it hurts however i wont be trying any more. If you invite your bio the ball is in his court and you also can't be accused of leaving him out. If you think he will cause trouble have someone that will nip it the bud for you on the day. Doesn't matter if he is angry about not walking you down the aisle that is your choice and if you step has been there for you then he has earned the right to perform this role. Hope this helps a little and all the best for your day hun. Keep your chin up xxxx
I wouldn't invite him and make sure no one tells him the date location etc. I think he will ruin your day. I wouldn't just not invite him either, i would block him from everything, social media and phones and cut contact completely and permanently. Thats just my opinion though.
I wouldn't ask him. He hasn't put himself out for you over the years nor does he support your choices now, so why should he be there?
No,he sounds horrid,have the man who's bought you up
My dad has never been in my life, only met him when I was 16 and he never bothers, my mum gave me away and my best mates dad did the father of the bride speech as I call him dad, it's your day enjoy it. I didn't bother inviting my dad x
It's your wedding and your choice. He really shouldn't have a say at all. I think it is amazing you have asked your step dad. That is lovely. I wouldn't be inviting my biological dad if he feels that way sweetie xx
Its your choice at the end of the day. Personally I think you are doing the right thing having your stepdad give you away he has been on your life longer than your biological dad who sounds horrible. Whyis he laughing at your choices and putting you down. Some dad.
If it were me i would tell him he isn't even invited
If he has already made you feel that way at your visit chances are he will continue like this if he is at your wedding but only you can make the decision to invite him or not
Understandable ur step dad as been there it must be hard for u Hun but maybe both of them could walk u down
Family is not about blood. It's about who has been there for you. Good for you for asking your step dad to give you away. I bet he's awesome. If all your biological dad can do is criticise your choices then maybe you should leave him out. Tough choice though xx
Personally I think your dad is the person who brought you up, read you stories, sat with you when you were crying, sick or just to listen. The other man is a sperm donor.
Therfore, you're dad walks you down the aisle, the sperm donor is a guest, if he starts trouble, someone can escort him out.
What a difficult decision to make. I have had something similar, and I've decided not to invite my father. I realised a few years ago that the only reason I had him in my life was guilt and obligation, so I've ended contact for now. My sister however, who I'm incredibly close to, has a better relationship with him and did invite him to her wedding, which was right for her and her husband. So I think it's very personal and no one can tell you what's right. Deep down I think you probably know what you want to do, so I would just urge you to do what YOU want and not what anyone else says you should do. Good luck sweetheart x
I stopped talking to my dad at 16 due to his behaviour and even before that i always said my step dad would give me away. My biological dad was never interested where as my step dad has really been a dad to me. As it turns out my dad passed away 2 years ago and was cremated on my birthday but I only found out on Facebook a year later! I think your dad sounds very selfish and it's your day not his and he should support that x
You're wedding and your choice.
Don't ever change your plans for anyone. Go with your heart and what's best for you and husband
I totally agree with the step father walking you down the aisle but your biological fathers prides bruised so he is lashing out. He is embarrassed.
You've made you decision and it's his choice if he shows
Wish you all the best
Sounds like he is jealous and lashing out. Just explain that you are having the wedding YOU want and he is welcome to attend if he can keep a smile on his face and his opinions to himself.
My mum walked me down the aisle. I ceased contact with my dad when I was 16 because he was a terrible dad. He didn't deserve to come to my wedding, let alone walk me down the aisle. Just because someone is your biological family , doesn't mean they are the ones who are family to you. I would just lay it out as it is. Tell him he hasn't been in your life therefore he shouldn't have an opinion on what you do. If he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to be involved. Simple as that
We had a similar problem with my husband's father, and we didn't invite him, it was more important for his mum and step dad to enjoy a day that they have been waiting for and contributed to than cause upset to a person who didn't care to begin with
I was in a similar position. My parents split and remarried when I was very young. Stayed in touch with my dad and his new family until I was around 13/14 then had a major fallout then saw him in a fuel station when I was around 19/20 and we started speaking again. I invited my biological father to the wedding as it's something you'd have thought any father would want to witness and I didn't want to have any regrets. He came to see me to say he couldn't come if my step dad was giving me away - I said that had my granda not been killed in a cycling accident just 8 months prior my granda would have been but now my step father was the person I felt had more right as he's always been there for me. He didn't come to the wedding, my half sister wished me luck on the morning of the wedding but I've not heard from them since. I have no regrets, my step father has been my male role model since I was very little and it would have been odd my biological father giving me away as we are so distant, the fact he didn't want to come because of that is something he chose to do. I say put the decision in his hands then you have no regrets, tell him your reasons for your step dad giving you away and advise the invite is there but you don't want any trouble it's your big day :) x
Only you can make this choice. A dad is the person who cares for you, looks after you, provides for you & nurtures you. I personally would want that person giving me away. Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to step up & be a dad x hope this helps x
I invited my bio dad to my wedding and he said no! My step dad was walking me down the aisle from the beginning and he said he couldn't handle watching another man 'carry out his role' I gave him the choice and walked away the bigger person - it was his decision not to come and tbh I didn't even notice x
That's so bad! I think it would depend in what you want yourself. When I got married last October, I was quite ruthless about invites. They went out etc, if anyone said anything then I said I'm sorry you feel that way, just consider yourself uninvited. I had some criticism off a close family member, I ended up doing this on and they soon stopped creating hassles. After all its stressful enough without that on top. Personally, I think its ruse to laugh at someone's planned day, it's your day and no one else's and you have whatever you want.
Hi, it's up to you at the end of the day. I haven't spoken to my father for 4 years. I didn't invite him to our wedding. Instead my step father gave me away, afterall he is the one who really raised me. It was the best decision I have made. We had a wonderful wedding day, and no trouble makers to ruin it. Good luck with your wedding. I hope you have a wonderful day x
i met my biological dad when i was 16. He was a violent man when with my mum so we left and moved on in life. He has has numerous of partners since ive met him, (not a problem) but because of this i dont see him. We fell out in jan this year and havent spoke much since. I sent him.his invite and he was coming..he never turned up, not one member of my family on my dads side turned up..Needless to say i got married in June 2017, and it was the best day of my life. Kinda glad he wasnt there to see it if im honest
I would ask him who is laughing at you as they will be uninvited. Then tell him if he feels the same h3 shouldn't come... it's as simple as that.
You don't want someone putting you down on the best day of your life!!!
at the end of the day. it is your wedding and what you have planned is obviously your choice so you should stick with it. Its up to you if you invite him or not. if you do, he will see the person who he missed out on watching grow up. your step dad helped raise you, stick with your guns x and ignore all the negativity. xx
Your day do it your way. If he is that much of a prat ( sorry know he's your dad) don't invite him, he sounds like he just wants to spoil it anyway
No brainer - don't invite him xx
Don't invite- you will be on edge all day. I stopped talking to mine 5 years ago as he was a waste of space, my stepdad brought me up and put all the effort in , he deserves to walk me down the isle.
I am in the same boat so asked my mum to give me away x
i think if youve had him in your life for some time then maybe talk to both ur dads and ask them both to give u away? depends how u truly feel about it all x
Invite him but make sure you make it very clear that it's your way or the high way. He can't just walk back into your life and expect such a privilege. Don't feel guilty and certainly do not let him manipulate you by saying others are laughing at your choices.