I have chosen my 5 bridesmaids and have yet to tell any of them as I am worried how one of my other friends will react as I will not be choosing her. I was bridesmaid for her on her wedding (I feel she only picked me as she doesn't have many friend) and she has been dropping hints ever since I got engaged at how she cannot wait to be my bridesmaid. I don't particularly feel close to her anymore as we have drifted apart nor do I want her as a bridesmaid as I feel she turns everything into a competition. How do I deal with this, without hurting her feelings and loosing her as a friend? Someone suggested I give her a reading to do, however we have already decided we would let our siblings do this. I feel really guilty about this and don't know what to do.
I have a friend like this too. Before I got engaged she was going on about being my best friend although I rarely saw her and she was never there for me and we didn't know what was going on in each other's lives. I politely told her that I didn't think we were best friends and the reasons why and she was upset but think she appreciated my honesty about. Now we are engaged and wedding planning I'm not sure I'd have her at the day do. I was also a bit worried that would upset her but I barely see her and there's people I'm a lot closer to so when the time comes I will have that conversation x
I'd just prepare yourself for a kick off, because she's bound to be disappointed. My husbands best man is getting married in September and he has picked another friend and I was so annoyed/disappointed for him. If she's a true friend she will understand and still be there for your big day xx
She could always be an usherette for you
I've had just family my two sisters are both MOHs and then I had 3 nieces as bridesmaids and my youngest niece who is going to be 2 as FG and explained to my friends that this was how I wanted it. They were fine because they were included in the preparations x
maybe ask her to be a witness?
I had a really awkward situation where I have lots of friends from loads of different phases of my life, and I love them all dearly. In order to (what I thought) prevent anyone being dissapointed or feeling left out, I chose my niece and my absolute oldest best friend who I've known for 30 years and have always been so close to. Months after my wedding one of my other close friends told me that our other very close friends was really upset that she hasn't been asked and had expected to be asked and was upset she hadn't been. I had no idea and was mortified but its too late now. If I had any idea that she felt that way I would have at least sat her down for a long chat or had her as a bridesmaid. Its always hard and you can't please everyone but tread gently and be as kind as you can, and best of luck on your big day xx
If she's supposed to be your friend then include her! You were her bridesmaids so return the favour. Like you said, she hasn't got many friends, so just ask her to be one.
Don't let the fact that you were her bridesmaid dictate your choice. I wasn't bridesmaid for one of my friends but I still chose her to be my bridesmaid because we're much closer now than we were when she got married four years ago. Friendships change and evolve and asking someone to be bridesmaid doesn't come with the caveat 'as long as I'm your bridesmaid when you get married'. I'm sure your friend will be disappointed but you have to go with what you want and who you feel comfortable with and it really doesn't sound like that's her!
You can't please everyone! You have to pick the people you are closest to x
I would definitely ask her to have a role if it's not bridesmaid ask her to do a reading/poem at reception party or something u should try to include someway and just say u want her to be part of your day but can't afford more bridesmaids she obviously wants to be included and a helpful friend
PS good luck
Like you said she hasnt got many friends and saying she only picked you because she hasnt got many friends is a bit nasty she picked you to share the most special day of her life so being so nast if you dont want her as bridesmaid then have her as witness or ler her do a reading or something but not to include her at all is a bit cruel after she chose you if your both friends then whats the problem
this may genuinely hurt her you were her bridesmaid and wether she has many friends or not she chose u id be willing to bet your other friends are dictating to u that she shouldnt be involved sorry but this is cruel u dont kno what this may do to her
if its cost then tell her all the bridesmaids are paying for there own dresses
I feel like if you was hers you should have her just the nice thing to do
My friend, who begged me to let her be a bridesmaid at my wedding, then got married and didn't invite me to be her bridesmaid. She gave me a bit part but that made it worse as I knew it was attempted compensation for not being a bridesmaid. At the end of the day though, whilst it hurt, as her friend I realised it was her choice and her day. Don't try to compensate your friend, don't try to explain it away - it's your choice and if she is a good friend will be there happy for you on the day and beyond :-)
I actually wouldn't care if I wasn't asked t b a bridesmaid I know everyone's different but I don't have many friends and since turning into an adult life is more about family anyway but if in my group of friends and I was the only one that wasn't chosen to b a part of the bridal party then I would take it on the chin and realise u maybe don't value our friendship as much as u value the others and I would accept this and get on with my life I know a weddings a big thing but sometimes it can b a very good learning curve of who's really in it with u for me tho my wedding is all about family am not having any friends they can help me plan and come to my hen if they wish but it's my family watching me marry the man of my dreams good luck for ur wedding day
There isn't a secret contract that if your someone's bridesmaid they have to be yours! I was my sisters but she is not one of mine. Just sit her down and be honest you have 5 so I would think she would understand if do not want 6, maybe don't mention the not feeling as close thing, if you really don't want her don't choose her.
You can still have her involved with wedding planning maybe say you can't do official Bridesmaid but will be in need of help and see if project you can give her - activity packs for kids or helping with wedding favours. Then can give her a gift on the day to say thankyou.
There is always a way to compromise without you having to have something you do not want!
Have your day your way xx