UKbride Member Request 17 Jul 2017

So I'm having a little bit of bridesmaid trouble & need some advice. A few...

So I'm having a little bit of bridesmaid trouble & need some advice. A few of my bridesmaids are friends, they have been friends with each other even since before I joined the group but now I thought we were all quite close. A few weeks ago we had a bit of a fall out (whereby I had a disagreement with one of them and the others kind of took her side rather than staying mutual). One of these girls has been studying abroad & during this fall out the other two went over to visit her without asking me & one of our other close friends if we wanted to go. After confronting them about it, it turns out this was planned months ago & their reason for not inviting us was that we never mentioned wanting to go visit her. This whole disagreement blew over but I didn't speak to any of them for a couple of weeks to give myself some time to think it over & let everything settle. After meeting with them a few days ago, everything was fine until I found out that the one who I had the original disagreement with had been to surprise one of them at their graduation last week! She had asked me a while ago to go with her, to which I said yes & told her to let me know when she was booking train tickets etc, but went without me anyway. Now I'm just left wondering whether to ask them to step down as bridesmaids but I'm not sure whether that would seem unreasonable? But if they're going away without me etc I just feel kind of left out & like they still see themselves as a group of 3 like they were originally. Before all this I asked them if they would like to come dress shopping with me, and one read my message but never replied, to which I just presumed she was busy but even when I asked her again about it she didn't seem bothered & said she just 'bypassed' the message

Joanna Miller
Joanna Miller 17 Jul 2017

Wow it sounds like you've got a real school yard problem. If I were you I wouldn't bother with them and wait to see if any of them get in contact with you. If they do then they actually care if they don't good riddance.

I prefer to have a few close friends rather than a lot of people who are don't care.

Claire Collison
Claire Collison 17 Jul 2017

If it was me I would ask them not to be involved in the wedding... it sounds like they don't really care and the last thing you need is to worry about how they are going to act at the weeding, you could explain to them how you feel and see if this helped but if it was me I would just tell them to come as a normal guest x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Jul 2017

Drop them! Real friends wouldn't do that. It sounds like in years to come you could look back and regret having them if there's another more serious falling out!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Jul 2017

You will have more friends than them drop them they are not good friends .you want your day to be special .add them to your normal guest list x

Julianne Heffernan
Julie Heffernan 17 Jul 2017

I think maybe you're over thinking it all. After all you are all adults and individuals, not joined at the hip, my friends go away with out me and i go away without them, i never feel the need to consult them about it. We also always do things with one of the other but not the rest all the time. We are a close group of 5 friends. There are much more important things to worry about other then being left out from a trip away. X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Jul 2017

I think you need to all meet and air your feelings .... they have done things to annoy you and it will prob be you have done things to annoy them ..... if you do this and nothing is resolved that you have tried and can walk away knowing you tried.
Stop looking at you all a a 'group' and look at four grown women who can make plans without consulting each other.
As for it being 'un reasonable ' to not have them as bridesmaids .... ask yourself would I bitterly regret not having them at my wedding , I'm guessing no

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Jul 2017

I think you all need to grow up a bit! Sounds all very petty and you actually sound jealous that they've done things without you! No offence but no wonder they're ignoring your messages about dress shopping if things are as fraught as they sound since they're probably wondering whether or not they want to be involved in your day!

Lucy Lewis
Lucy Lewis 17 Jul 2017

Hi I agree with Carla at least that way you will know where you stand good luck :)

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Jul 2017

i would book appointment to look at wedding dresses take your mum if you have a sister and your future mother in law text your bridesmaid giving them the date and time if they dont turn up then you know they not interested and when you go shopping for bridesmaid dresses do the same text them day and time and tell them they paying for there own dress shoes hair and make up as you on a tight budget and then you will know who is going to be a bridesmaid or not remember this is your wedding not theres dont let them make you feel like that you dont need that kind of hassle and trying to arrange a wedding think about you not them if u have a sister or your husband to be has a sister or close friend or cousin ask her to be bridesmaid incase they dont show on the big day you will still have a bridesmaid

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Jul 2017

They don't sound like mates to me they should be there supporting you whilst your stressed. Just seems like they agreed to be bridesmaids to keep the peace and to be faffed over for the day. If your heart isn't in it and your head is telling you otherwise do what you think is correct. What you have to think about is these people will be in alot of your wedding photos.

Jayne Timmins
Jayne Timmins 17 Jul 2017

well to be honest if they can not be bothered to come dress shopping they don't sound like they will make very good bridesmaids

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Jul 2017

In my eyes bridemaids should be family members or friends you been friends for years and are there for you , but i would also do what Lynn Skivington said as if they want to be a bridemaid they would buy there own shoes ,hair and makeup

Emily Barnett
Emily Barnett 17 Jul 2017

Ditch the lot of them you have enough to do without worrying about petty squabbles between the bridesmaids. You need reliable people around to help you plan your special day!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Jul 2017

I'd just say to them unfortunately your budget won't stretch to having do many bridesmaids and therefore you have had no option but to cut back as you feel that this is the only thing that you feel you can compromise on. Then you can ask who you want to replace them. Personally, after joining this and seeing everyone else's issues around bridesmaids, I'd decided on none. Then when I was about 6 months away I relented and asked my 4 year old niece to be one do she would experience it as I was the last aunt to get married. It was bliss, no hassles, just one very cute young girl looking like a princess to accompany me down the aisle with my Dad. No hassles with matching clothes either as only 1 to deal with. Sorted.

E Wilson
E Wilson 25 Jul 2017

I think you should talk it over as it would be sad for them not to be a part of your day of you are close. However if you do fall out having them as a part of your day may ruin it or spoil photos when looking back


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