Hi, just wondering what everyone else would do in my situation... I have been with my H2B for 10 years, we finally booked our wedding October last year, for August 2018. Everything was booked and the family informally informed. Then Christmas 2016, my cousin got engaged and two days later she booked her wedding for exactly the same day as my own! When I confronted her about this, she said there was nothing she could do about changing as she didn't want to wait until 2019 and she wanted her wedding on a bank holiday. So now our family has to chose between me and my cousin and it is tearing us all apart! I feel so awful even though I did nothing wrong! I feel like cancelling my wedding and losing the deposit money etc and then having it in 2019 as I am not bothered about waiting because I know I'll be marrying my H2B! What are people's thoughts and what would you do????
I would definitely not change your date... I think it's terrible your cousin has booked the same date deliberately. It's wrong, totally wrong! I'd be kicking off it it were me... However... Surely your parents and immediate family ie siblings will be at yours? X
First of all ..your cousins a douche!!! Who does that???!!!!
But if you are happy waiting til 2019 as you know you and your man are strong..it may well make it a hell of a lot easier for all your family.. its totally her fault but if shes not budging you may have to .. you will come out on top as the bigger better person.. all your family will make it to your wedding (however i would NOT invite her!)
what a Class a douchbag!! i would make her change you was first to book that date so yours should stay that date!!! my partners uncle is getting married next year but he has asked when ours was so he didnt book the same day
You booked yours first so she should change hers
Don't change your date. Did she know the date you booked?Just proceed with your plans as normal. Your parents and siblings won't choose her wedding, just as her parents and siblings won't choose yours. Hold your head high,and don't throw a strop over it. She should change her date IMO,but you can't force her to,you can however control your reaction to the news. Be the bigger person. Wish her well and tell her you'll miss her presence at your big day,and you'll be thinking of her
Change it to a week before....that way you did it first, she's then the one having a wedding right after you (which she is
Anyway)....petty I know but would mean families don't have to choose. Then don't tell anyone any details including the date change until they get their invites ☺️ xz
Are you not able to speak to your suppliers and explain what's happening most of them should be happy to change the date for the year later.
Your cousin is an idiot and extremely rude. I would seriously think whether or not to invite her and her h2b to your wedding.
Good luck xx
id change to 1 or 2 weeks earlier if possible or keep as is you booked 1st end of hun xx
Outrageous!! My mum and I (just shared this with her) think you should not change your date or feel bad. You booked yours first. And if your family have said they're coming to yours already then they're not free in the date of her wedding.
Seriously, who does that?!! And is it just me but once a family wedding date is set (even before Save the Dates are sent out) it's in stone isn't it? All holidays, plans, etc revolve around that, surely? I'm so sorry for you but you must not feel guilty. You did nothing wrong. x
Hi you have nothing to be sorry for your cousin it seems to me was jealous of you being in the spotlight, she must be very spoilt :)
I wouldn't cancel no way,..the most important people will be there that's all that matters, ..your cuz is a clown, ..rise above it enjoy your day
Wow, just wow. Out of all the weekends in an entire year she chooses your date... classy. Don't change yours, send out save the dates to any family that will be stuck in the middle, let people know the date first. The people you love most will choose to come to your day. Don't share any info with this cousin. I am planning my wedding and I messaged my cousin to double check the dates didn't cross over, I'd never do that to her, it's manners! X
Why don't you ask her to just change to a different weekend or month? Why does it have to be a whole year?
You may be able to avoid losing your deposit if you stay with the same suppliers but just change the date - and make it before hers.
I don't know what your cousin was thinking, yeah she doesn't want to wait but she may be getting married with not everyone she had hoped would be there. You got there first, your family should attend your wedding. Don't cancel let her live with the consequences and enjoy your day. And if not everyone is there who cares it's about the union between you and your h2b.
Why don't you speak to your venue about possible moving the date very slightly to earlier in August, or just a different month entirely during 2018, they may beable to do that so you don't need to loose any money xx
Who does that!!! I would not change your wedding date unless you can change it to just before and you dont end up loosing too much money. I would be sending her the bill if you do end up loosing money. Good luck! x
If you are really worried about family not turning up to your day even tho they were told when it was before the idiot booked hers, I would move your wedding to a few days before hers. Don't invite her to new date and don't go to hers if you change your date. Failing that stuff her, it's about you and your h2b not her xxx
Thats awful. I would change mine to the bloody day before! Everyone will be tired for hers. I dont understand some people!
I really cant believe that your own cousin could be so selfish...she has put you in an impossible situation. I would have gone mad with her if it was me. All advice i can give you is the people who matter will be by your side on your special day. I hope it all goes well
Hmmmm- if it was me, I personally would be the flexible one and change my date- the last thing I'd want is my family falling out and being torn between two weddings. I think it was quite mean what your cousin did in the first place but I'd be looking at solutions now. Definitely speak to your venue about potentially shifting the date to a weekend before perhaps and have yours first for sure, most venues are so flexible and with this much notice I highly doubt they'd want to lose your business by being awkward and charging you your deposit. Hope this helps and you and your family all move past this you'll look back one day think "remember that time when...."
I'd keep my date and I'd get my invites sent out now...beat her to it!
This is horrible. How cud sum1 do that. My is in june 2018 an my cuzs is in july 2018 too fab family weddings in 2018 exciting times so why wud she want to spoil ur day. Dont change ut date she is out if order x
Book yours for the before.
I wouldn't change your date. You've already told your family the date so they will have reserved the date for you first. She will just have to understand that (most) people will be at your wedding and not hers (shame!)
Sorry but this is a case of first come first serve to me.
You've waited a long time and booked, informed everyone and she's still gone and booked hers and now won't budge ? Bugger that have your wedding and make sure to send her an invite aswell, stand your ground.
Probably one of the worst problems I've heard on here and can't believe her parents or h2b haven't told her to back down and behave !
Thats her fault. It would be no hard desition to choose if you booked it first then she shouldnt have anyone turn up to hers!
She's a dick! ..... and sounds very jealous ... sooooooo I'd change it so it was before hers that way anything she does after that looks like she's just copied you and will make her more of a dick! Xx
Wow!!! Did she not know your date when she booked hers? This is a real tough one as like you say family will have to chose! You booked yours first, so I wouldn't change the date! The people who know you, and want to be at yours will be! If anything your cousin should now be worried no one will attend hers!!!
Don't change your date and tell everyone to go to which ever one they want to. It is your day, it is booked. Get married and have the best day ever! Don't let it get you down, you are marrying the man of your dreams and spending the day with people who really want to be there. To me that's what makes it perfect :)
U can have same day but change times then both have joint celebration
have your wedding the date you want it. your immediate family (the ones that count the most) will come to yours and the rest will need to make their minds up when they get the invites (i'd send the save the dates now!). there are lots of reasons someone can't come to a wedding so some people may not be able to go to either. your cousin is total beyatch and could easily change her date to one of the other 3 bank holidays in the year! but forget about her now and concentrate on your wedding and how fabulous it will be! :-)
She should change it . Sounds like a right spiteful little madame . How horrid is she . You booked yours first get your invites out before her beat her to it .people should go to yours first you booked it first . What a little twit
Don't change, u had ures booked first, it's her who has put ure mutual family in this position not u, she sounds like a very selfish and spoilt brat so just let her have her day and u ures, those who matter most will be there for u, enjoy ure day x
You shouldn't have to, but when I worked in a wedding venue we'd let couples change the date if we were able to without them losing any money. Not too sure about your other suppliers but if they're available and they're still getting the money I wouldn't of thought it would be a problem.
...if you change your date you can see her wedding and make yours better 🤣
Firstly. Who does that. What an absolute arse. She sounds like a spoilt brat to say the least. Her husband to be or family need to be having a word with her. Totally unreasonable and cruel behaviour.
However sounds like you are going to have to be and are fairly willing (however unfair it is) to be the bigger person here. I would change your date to save the hassle for you and your family. You will come out smelling of roses and like a mature adult. She however will look like a knob and her wedding day will be tainted with her selfishness and childish behaviour xx
There's more than one bank holiday in a year so why can't she change her date? I would not change your date at all she's the one in the wrong. Hope everything works out and you have a wonderful wedding
I'd either keep mine as it was or change to the day before. Some venues are cheaper top if this means it's a weekday. Xx
Move the date but make sure you do it better than hers!
Id be soo angry! If I were you I would sit down and have a chat with her to find out the reasonings behind it (maybe it was h2b choice) and if she really doesnt want to budge I would change mine but say if there are any costs involved than I would be expecting her to foot the bill or at least give a contribution as a goodwill gesture as Id be the one changing things so that the family doesnt fall out over it xx
What an absolute cow! Who does that after being informed of the date?! Did she definitely know the date of your wedding? I only ask because we aren't inviting cousins to ours so although we have sent save the dates to aunties and uncles, we can't assume they've told cousins etc so there is a small chance it could have been an honest mistake?? Of its not a mistake though she's an absolute turd and you have every right to be upset! It sounds like she's jealous, I personally would stick to my guns, keep the date, send your formal invitations out asap so people receive a formal invite to your wedding before she sends out hers and then she will just look like a cow for stealing your date and most people will have already planned to come to yours by then...bit sly but it would definitely show her ;)
Your cousin isn't very nice to do this but to keep the peace if she will pay the money you will loose and your happy to rearrange your family won't have to pick. If she won't pay carry on as planned
What the hell is wrong with her?! Oh this sucks so bad! If you weren't going to lose your deposit etc I'd say be the bigger person and let her be pathetic, but this is guna be such a lot of faff and you'll lose money, and if you're anything like me you will always feel in your heart like that date was supposed to be your wedding day.... I'm sorry I have nothing of any use to say except she is an absolute dick! Xx
Did she not get an invite? so rude! Don't change your date. You were first. She obviously knew.
Those most important to you shouldn't have a tough time deciding, but other guest could go to wedding at one and night do at another, personally I wouldn't worry, go and enjoy your wedding day don't let this bother you xxx
A lot of people saying 'stand your ground, don't cancel' or 'those who will matter will be there' but it's such a tricky situation because if your families are close then your aunt & uncle (her parents) are people who matter but their daughters wedding of course will be their priority because it has to be.
Ultimately it comes down to you having the DAY you want, the date is irrelevant. People make a wedding, lovely family occasions making memories. Your cousin is selfish and clearly isn't bothered about who comes as long as it's on a bank holiday.
If you do alter your date ensure your family know it's because their presence is important to you & you didn't want to have anyone choose which one to go to.
Best of luck xxx
Ps I hope her eyebrow lady sneezes and whips an extra bit off before the big day
This happened to my friend. Her cousins was in Cyprus. It sorta divided the family. Her dad was not happy. X
Have you actually tried explaining to your venue the situation your in. They maybe prepared to atleast try to help. Personally I'd move mine forward even if it was just to the weekend before.
The people that choose to go to hers not yours is their loss lovely! You have your special day and enjoy it!
You'll be so wrapped up in you and your h2b you won't even notice the that people are missing! X
Myself and my cousin got married on the same day I had half the family she had the other it wasn't a big deal I booked mine first but she wasn't invited as we have a massive family so I just invited my closest family member so she wasn't to know I still had 100 guests and she had around 80 it worked out ok... she even ended up buying the same exact dress which annoyed me at first but it's just a dress... you can either let it steal your sparkle or carry on knowing when you go to bed a Mrs your day has been perfect
If you book it at the same venue on a different date the venue might allow you to use the deposit you've already put down... worth asking as you appear to be the reasonable one
Ps your cousin is a heinous cow
I would either not change the date, or change it to the week before!
I'd change it to a week before hers... what an absolute twerp
Thats terrible. Kirsty Blower has great advice there
What a nasty girl.. Feel sorry for her husband marrying someone so spiteful.. There is more than 1 bank holiday in a year. Speak with family and explain the situation and see if anyone can talk sense into her and remind them that they had already committed to your wedding. Send out your formal save the dates asap then people will have more commitment to your wedding. If you want to stoop to her level, move your wedding before hers and plan your wedding together and then steal all the witches ideas so she looks like she stole your ideas as well as your date.
If you would prefer to change your date, to keep the peace, then change it. If not, keep your date and just accept the fact that not all of the people that you want to be there will come. Is there any way you could ask your venue to change the date to the following year, as you've already paid your deposit? I'm sure if you explain this to the venue, they should be able to help you out....that's if it's what you want xx
All I can say is - what a bitch!!! Has to have some kind of thirst for attention to try and steal your day away from you! Knowing full well your wedding was that day, she shouldn't have done that:(
I would be in my right mind to stay put and not change it! But if you really are concerned you'll lose out on numbers, make it a little earlier. Though on the flipside- those who really care and love you will come to yours (not hers) after all you booked first and sent invites first xx
Rachel Elizabeth Baker crazy people out there.. who would do this?!
Get your invites out before she does
I had a similar problem with a member of my family. She had unknowingly booked her wedding for the same day as me. She had asked her mum when mine was but she gave her the wrong date. We got talking and found out our weddings were the same day. I was luckily tho as she phoned and changed her that same afternoon to the week after. If she hadn't changed it I would not have moved mine at all. x
She sounds like a horrible person. If you feel like you shouldn't change the date how r error if it's affecting your family id book it for the weekend before, or better that. The night before, then they will look shit in her wedding pics cos they will all be hungover x
I would totally bring mine forward (unless date means something to u) x
Look at it this way... at least this selfish drama queen won't be at your wedding to ruin it!
She sounds like the sort who would turn up in a white dress to your wedding and spend the whole day making it about her.... at least you don't have to see her sour spoilt face on your beautiful day xx
Spiteful bitch, she calls herself family. Your family have committed to coming to your wedding, so if some decide to go to hers they are not much of a family either xx
I'd try bring your wedding forward a week or so AND send your save the dates as early as possible! Try get them out before she does
I honestly don't know what to say x I'd be furious x
What a horrible cousin you have! I wouldn't dream of cancelling and I wouldn't speak to her again as that is just not acceptable!!!
Omg! That's bang out of order! Hopefully everyone who said they are coming to yours still do and she ends up with no one going to hers and then she will be forced to change her date! Oh and I'd print out all these replies and send them to her in the post! 😉
Good luck with your wedding Hun and have a lovely day!! Xx
I'd change dates! Sounds like she's done it to cause drama, don't give her the satisfaction
Joanne Wilde 😱
I nearly had something simular, had been with hubby for 4 years, got engaged, booked everything for exactly 2 years, to save, my cousin got a boyfriend 9 mths before our wedding, she got engaged and booked her wedding a week before ours, my mum and her mum went berserk, so she reluctantly change it to 6 weeks after, and moaned because they didn't have as many guests, bloody cold in November, both been married now 45 years, marry in haste repent in leasure is very apt saying
I would tag her in this thread so she can see it's not just you having an opinion, it's an actual fact she's arse hole !!!
Your cousin is awful! How ever if you can change the dates.... do... and make it just before, make sure all your family knows the reason you changed it and you look like the bigger person and still marry your man x
I'd bring it forward....as secretly as possible x
It's like bride wars! She is being a bitch to be blunt don't change your date! Get married on your date and have a bloody fab time! 10 years together and you booked it last year. Sod her!
What a bitch! Keep your wedding. You booked it first and notified family about it. Don't compromise your day for someone who is supposed to be family and has no respect for you. Xxx
The people who want to be there will be, unless she is willing to cover your deposits and losses....but i dunno what strain this could put on your family as I don't know them or yourself, so maybe you both give up the date??
As others have said,I would only change date if could have it earlier than planned. I would not make it later than original date.
What a shame, honestly you can choose your friends not your family, its like a competition whose the most popular, you may actually find people may respond with thank you for invite but were on holiday so not to offend x
This happened to me. I got engaged and the following year i chose a date. My cousin had also got engaged a few months after me. When i chose a date i told a select few family members. Then i hear my cousin had picked the same date but he didnt know about my date. I did speak to him about it to see what we could arrange he said we should continue with our plans and family could come to mine in the day and theirs in the evening north and south weddings. I then decided to change my date to a week before as didnt want the family to either have to choose or travel so far. Worked out in the end. However if your cousin has done it on purpose thats not nice at all and I'd probably continue with my original date or change to a wk before then go on honeymoon.
Hayley what a shocker!
Sounds like she is jealous. Invite your immediate family and friends and don't let it spoil your day too much. X
If your not bothered I'd cancel it and rebook. I'd look at all the little things she does and make yours better lol xx
Can you not speak to other family members and ask them what they think? Explain that you will lose money but you would be devastated if they couldn't come. Stay calm. This is a horrible thing that she has done. Maybe family members may shame her into it but if not, I would change it. Her wedding will always be an uncomfortable topic after that and I hope she regrets this. Good luck xxx
She sounds horrible. Don't change the day because of her yours was booked first
I wouldn't change your date. Like they say first come first served. Seems as if your cousin is attention seeking by doing such a thing. As mad as it sounds my day is being planned around my bestest friend as she has other weddings to attend the same year and she is my maid of honour. Your cousin is so in the wrong and your family should make that clear to her
OMG just look and hear yourselves you've jumped on a band waggon without hearing both sides. Shame on you.