Just found out from my sister (maid of honour) that none of my other bridesmaids are coming to my full hen party. It's Saturday - Sunday in London, loads of activities and under £150 incl. accommodation. My sister arranged it all and she's living in Ireland (where we are getting married), all 3 bridesmaids live in London. Also, they have had 10 months to save/take time off, so that excuse isn't washing with me. Do I have a right to be angry? I don't think I want any of them at my wedding now, let alone at my hen do! Advice greatly appreciated x
I've had the same thing Hun , I'm now just doing something with my maid of honour and my mum
Before you get angry I would get the reasoning behind why they're not going from them individually. I understand it's important to you and you are right that they had plenty of time etc but they may have different priorities to you or problems that may have come up. Try not to get angry it'll just take the shine off of what should still be a great weekend xx
None of my h2b family are coming to mine. I was pretty disappointed at first. But it's just one of those. Some people don't have the money. Just accept it and go and have a fab time with those that have made the effort to go.
But it's normal to feel they don't care. Xx
Yeah I would be super pissed tbh.. Unless they had a bloody good excuse they would no longer be apart of my wedding .. especially as they've had lots of notice ect.. find out the excuses or reasoning then decide what to do from there..
Yes u have every right to be annoyed to as u arranged something so they should have said earlier I found out other day that 3y my bridesmaids(now had to ask other people to be them) that they aren't coming because my h2b mum is getting married a month after me and h2b that her hen is the night of our wedding
I wouldn't have them as bridesmaids if they don't have good god dam excuses but all of them is a bit much to all have a good excuse lol x
If they were my bridesmaids .. yes I would be angry .. especially if they haven't told you themselves ... I know one of my oldest friends isn't coming to mine because she said she can't afford it .. my bridesmaid has sorted mine with 18 months notice and worked a payment plan of less than £10/month for them ... she still hasn't told me now .. so yes u have every right to be angry !!
I'd be pretty annoyed if they also live in London and that's where your hen is. If money was an issue they could easily opt to attend part like a dinner or something. Bridesmaids should be the ones who are there at the hen out of everyone else!
I understand why you'd be hurt, but it's best to speak to them first and find out why they can't come to all of it. If they live in London anyway, and have had 10 months notice, it seems odd that they wouldn't be able to come but they may have valid reasons. If their excuses seem a bit pathetic then you have every right to be angry but I'm sure you will still have a great time! :)
I think it's a lot of money to save in 10 months but they should have let your sister know a lot sooner
I flew to UK from Finland for a friends wedding and i had to borrow the money to make the trip. But friends make it possible to support their mates
A hen doo isn't compulsory and £150 is a lot of money as well, (I certainly could t have afforded it) one of my bridesmaids only did part of my hem doo and I certainly wasn't annoyed with her. It's the wedding day that's important and as they have to travel to that I'd take that in consideration too. Sorry but I don't think you should be angry, enjoy it with who you have there and don't be angry with who isn't!
You say arent coming to your full hen party that to me implies they are coming to part of it? It doesnt really matter if they have had 10 month or 2 years to save for it you cant dictate how they spend their money. I have a daughter and partner and i wouldnt spend 150 for a sat-sun hen do even if you were my best friend tbh as its unnecessary. And unless you are paying for flights hotels food drinks etc for the duration of you wedding and the day/night before or after you expect tjem to be there for, for both the bridesmaids and any partners, then on top of the wedding costs themselves that is a lot to ask for. People seem to have forgotten hen dos are meant to be a chance to hang out with their friends and that they do t have to be extravagant or cost the earth these days. At the end of the days its nice to have people there but its their money and you cant make them spend it on you.
I would be annoyed and I did loose friends couple years ago because they pulled out of my hen and wedding and I'm glad they're no longer in my life! I always find when it comes to events and money, you do find out your true friends. I do agree tho that if they have valid reasons and are coming to some of it then that's ok, it's going to cost them a lot of money to get to Ireland too so you have to take that into account. Hopefully you'll all sort it out x
Yes you should be angry Defo, you asked them to be part of your big day and that means the hen night as well that's my point, they had 10 months to safe and £150 is noon much for a full wkend including activities, sounds good just go and enjoy yourself and don't worry the people that care will be there xx
I would be miffed!!!
£150 is a lot of money to most of us, isn't it more important that you have who you want there on your wedding day? A hen do is just supposed to be a party not cost a bomb, people are going so OTT these days. Priorities people!!!
That's disgusting! What a shame.
Definitely have a right to be annoyed! They have no excuse and should have spoken to your sister if they had a problem with it.
My bridesmaid didn't come to my hen do at all either. You have full right to be annoyed, especially with the amount of notice you're giving them! Xx
You have every right to be angry! It's hard.. And think it's hard enough planning your wedding let alone your own hen do.. Which in my eyes shouldn't be our responsibility. I have gone through a similar thing..but it's taught me, no matter what you do or how you do it.. No one is going to be happy. Let me tell you this. Those who matter will be there it's about the two of you getting married.. Looking back. I would have rather spent my money going away to get married.. Than pay for the benefit of everyone else.
I'd be annoyed too! Sounds like your sister gave them plenty of notice and even kept it local to them. I find it strange that friends wouldn't want to share this with you, especially ones you consider close enough to be a bridesmaid. Don't stress over it though, go and enjoy your hen weekend x
I would speak to them first and find out why. I couldn't afford my brides main hendo when I was bridesmaid so just went out for the meal. I was still bridesmaid and she understood. Having said that I told her in person and she knew from the beginning I wouldn't be going to the weekend away. x
Money - People may well have had time to save money but if something happens ... washing machine packs up then money saved for something fun may have had to be moved to cover an unexpected happening
Booking time off - some employers require application for holidays then you wait for approval . Some employers do not allow leave requests to be put in till a certain date each year .
Have you approached them and asked the reason they can't come & then did you listen to what they said.
I think you have the right to be disappointed rather than angry
It's a hen do it's not compulsory and I wouldn't justify spending £150 to go to one. Seems ridiculous to me. At the end of the day you can't expect people to spend whatever on you just because someone's organised it and given them 'supposedly' enough time to pay or for everyone to be entirely happy with everything that was organised. What if they were just told what was happening for the hen do with no discussion as to how much people could/were willing to pay??
To be honest I think you're acting rather spoilt/being a complete bridezilla. You obviously don't give a damn about their reasons or feelings if you'd quite happily kick them out as bridesmaids
My cousin had her hen do Friday and Saturday granted I wasn't bridesmaid or anything but I could only afford to go one day\night cause they had activities, lunch, dinner and drinks both days/nights and I didn't have the money to spend as she was going away to Italy for her wedding and all my money was going towards spending money and travel expenses etc for that, some people just don't have the money and can't afford it.
I spent the same as this on my mates hen do! It's not a lot of money to find in ten ones it's £15 a month. I'm on a tight budget as myself and hubby to be are getting married in October but I still found the money to go.
I'd be well pissed tbh these are people you have chosen as bridesmaids/moh so I'm going to go ahead and assume they are people who have been friends with you since forever or family on either side! So I'd expect them to be present and if they'd had doubts beforehand they should of approached you well in advanced to let you know maybe other arrangements could be made without losing money!!
I'd perhaps be a bit disappointed, but wouldn't let it ruin my relationship with them. To all those saying 'it's only £150, and they've had ages to save up' - unless that covers all food and drink for the entire weekend it's likely that they'll need almost the same amount again for spending money, and have had to save to attend the wedding as well, not to mention any other events they may have on with friends or family over the course of the year. Enjoy your hen do with those that can make it and don't worry about those that can't.
They agreed the cost and said between them under £150 was reasonable before my sister booked it all. And if you knew what we were going you'd agree less than £150 was reasonable too I'm sure dinner and drinks all inclusive as well as all activities
all these people saying £150 is too much is making me go mine is costing everyone £313 as its a 4night 5 day all inclusive holiday aboard, ive arranged it all myself but stayed within everyones willing budget, i have had a few people drop out due to childcare or money but i dont mind not everyone is in a situation to be able to go etc but i get where your coming from
Oh my god , really? That's a bit selfish? If they can't come for any reason,doesn't mean they are bad friends. I read some of the posts here and they really are bridzillas.
My h2b has uninvited men from the wedding as they havnt made the effort to go to his stag do to Amsterdam. I wouldn't do that but if they live in London that's ridiculous
I didn't even get the chance for a hen do!
I know I wouldn't be able to afford £150 but as you've already stated and no one seems to be able to read if they have agreed on that price and planned it so it's where they live and then they pull out last minute is bang out of order one whose going to foot out the money for there part it's already booked how do they know you aren't left with there bill secondly I'm in Scotland and if I booked my hen do in England because that's where my bridesmades live and they pulled out after I planned it all them then you best believe I would be pissed I personally would be very very angry with them and unless they had a valid excuse I wouldn't have them as bridesmaids only because if they can let you down after you've planned your whole hen night around them could you rely on them to travel to Ireland to be your bridesmaid on the big day after you've forked out a whole load of cash on the dress hair and everything I wouldn't be able to trust they would show up xx
Out of curiosity are you paying for your bridesmaids to travel to Irelannd for your wedding?? If not then no you have not right to feel upset because the reality is that not only would they have to save up for your hen do but they also have to save up for your wedding.
Out of 13 people I invited to my hen do only 5 of them of coming - they totally screwed my sister over with the deposit, they've known since February about it and most of them have blown me off. To be quite frank I couldn't care less the 5 people who are actually coming are the people I care most about and knew wouldn't let me down, I wouldn't have cared if it were just myself and my bridesmaids.
I've always had more male friends then female, I just think its the way my personality works so for the ones that have dropped out I have invited my male friends instead. They obviously don't care enough to make an effort so f**k them! Just enjoy yourself! I don't think you should un-invite them just show them what they missed out on! Its your wedding, do whatever makes you happy!
Sometimes people (brides) forget that they still need their friends after their wedding. £150 is a lot of money, maybe they didn't feel they could bail out at the time so went along with it. Make the most of the situation you have. Pizza and wine at someone's house is just as good as any fancy do. Remember why you're doing this, and it's (hopefully) not because of a hen do!
Have you given a thought to the fact your sister might be telling you no one is coming but maybe a surprise ? Just a thought it's happened to me x
What happened to a good old fashioned pub crawl. Cheap and cheerful.
Reading some of these posts. How have some people even got bridesmaids 🤣
I'm considering cancelling my hen do and just going away with my mam and sister.
I'm on the fence with both yes it's in London so they should def be making the effort but 150 is just the start of it they will have to buy drinks dinners outfits and the traditional thing is to pay for the bride to be as well maybe as well if any of them have children at home they don't want to leave either, but if they're your bridesmaids it's kind of their duty to attend and make the effort
I wouldn't pay £150 to go on a hen do, even if I could afford it, which I definitely cannot. Especially if I'm likely to have to pay for travel and hotel accommodation to go to the wedding, plus an outfit for the hen do and wedding.
Sadly, I think all brides should accept that nobody is as interested in your wedding as you. I've arranged my own hen and have just had to get over myself and suck it up.
You have every right to be miffed! I'd even tell them that they're only invited to the evening and should count themselves lucky at that!
Just don't have one, problem solved. A wedding is about the day you and your best friend get married, not what you do with your girl friends. Friendship is worth way mor and once the fog of the wedding lifts, u will regret it. Xx
Least they are coming to parts talk to them I think u may find that they have reasons and it's not just because they don't want to
You most definitely have every right to be annoyed hun especially at your bridesmaids they should be there as they are playing a massive part in your wedding day so should 100% make the effort to be there even more so of the fact that they live in London which is where your hen party is personally there should be no excuses and the fact that they have known for 10 months, why accept to be a bridesmaid if you can't or won't put the effort into going to the hen! Xx
I would guess that they r having to pay to come to Ireland for the wedding so I would say what would u prefer, hen do or wedding? As much as we would love our day to be the most important day in the calendar for everyone I hate to say it's not
I wouldn't be able to attend a hen weekend for that much. Maybe the maid of honour should have spoken with the others to arrange something they all could afford. If you want people to attend you have to make it affordable and accessible for them.
I had the exact same issue :( My sister organised me a surprise hen do and majority of my bridesmaids either didn't come or moaned about coming. I couldn't believe it either, we had done everything to make costs as affordable as possible. We paid for all our bridesmaids dresses shoes etc. Thankfully my sister was MOH and was amazing but quite frankly I didn't want the others to be in the Wedding either but grinned and bared it. One has no contact and the other we haven't seen much, it's sad but goes to show exactly the nature of those people. X
I originally asked my sister in law to be a bridesmaid. I had a night out and a Sunday afternoon tea for my hen. After her saying 'it's not her sort of thing' I told her if she can't even come to my hen then I'm not willing to have you as a bridesmaid. You spend a lot of money on them so if they can't even come to your hen why should you bother! X
They live in London then that's even worse
I don't thing you should be annoyed at all!! This really annoys me when brides can't accept the some time things in life happen and not all bridesmaid can make a hen party. I'm a bridesmaid and couldn't make my bride's hen party as I couldn't get the time off work. She was amazing and really understood. Also £150 is a lot of money to most people. I know I would struggle to afford it no matter how much notice I was given. Maybe ask the girls why they can't come? There may be a reasonable explanation... I can't understand is you are disappointed but certainly not angry. X
I had shingles all over my face 4 weeks before my wedding, I couldn't have my make up trial til 5 days before and completely missed my hen.I didn't even go for a drink in the local pub with the girls in my family!Get over it! It's not like it's going to be the last occasion to spend time with these people.People make so much fuss about hen parties I think people forget the actual marriage part, you know where you get to spend your life with someone you love.....
I can understand we're u are coming from with ur friends but at the end of the day u didnt need to spend loads of money to have fun with friends, for my hen do, my neighbour, mil, mum, moh and myself went to Mecca bingo, we didn't win no money but it was a good laugh, we then went to asda for my cake singing lol as it was my birthday as well on my hen night and then back to mine for drinks, music, games and more laughs, we ended up going to sleep at 3 in the morning it was a good laugh, I organised it all and I was 7 months pregnant so couldn't drink loads but I still had a laugh with people I love and care about! Is about the Company not the amount of money u spend!
Hell yes be angry! If they committed to this 10 months ago then they have no excuses!!!
Yes £150 is a lot of money but it's £15 a months for 10 months, not difficult to save up for!
Why not have 2?? That's what I'm doing I've got my weekend away with all my girlies that can make it and then a night out couple of weeks before the wedding too x
Hi Holly, can i ask when is your Hen Do as alot of people are thinking they have bailed last min but you've not stated when it is so is that the case? and when you mean Full Hen what parts can they not do?
i think £150 can be a bit much especially if people are not working or maybe things crop up but at the same time if they attend some of the hen but not all of it i don't think its worth being angry about.
as long as they are there for some of it thats all that matters really as they have gone to see you for it. im only saying the money is a bit much mainly becuase if your getting married in Ireland then they also have to save for that and personally i would sooner them go to the wedding than the full Hen do. i hope this helps you a little bit
Sorry but 150 is alot for some people !! I wouldnt be that selfish tbh why have such an expensive hen do ?? I would much rather go for a nice meal and drinks in a local restaurant to everyone so that all my friends could be there
£150 is expensive but with that much notice they could have suggested cheaper options if they were struggling. Its just selfish of them to not come and make the effort. The hen party is all part of the experience of getting married!
I think you should be upset if they've had enough time. I was 4 months pregnant when my sister had her hen she booked for us all to stay at a log cabin for the weekend that had a hot tub there I couldn't drink the whole weekend nor did I use the hot tub but went anyway because It my sister's hen and I wanted to be there for her x